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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to change my ring after 3 years engaged?

75 replies

Alice818 · 14/02/2021 11:49

As the title says, we have been engaged for 3 years. Between one thing and another over the last couple of years, we have not got around to finalising any wedding plans. I have a pear shaped diamond ring, which is lovely, but is gets caught in absolutely EVERYTHING and nearly takes my finger with it sometimes when it catches in things. I've had it lowered (as it was originally quite high set) to try and stop it catching, but it's just a nightmare to be honest. I had thought that once we were married, I would maybe have it re-done and somehow make it more manageable to wear, or just take it off and wear only a wedding band, but a wedding looks a long way off now with restrictions etc.
I feel guilty as I'm the one who wanted this style of ring, but had no idea how impractical it would be.
AIBU to want to sell it and get something else?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Royalbloo · 14/02/2021 11:55

YANBU but you won't get back anywhere near what you paid for it. Can you have it re-set completely?

avocadospringseternal · 14/02/2021 11:55

The pandemic only started a year ago. Did you have any plans at that point? Do you have any plans now?

AlternativePerspective · 14/02/2021 11:57

You’ll be lucky to get 10% of what you paid for it.

Original poster
Alice818 · 14/02/2021 11:58

@Royalbloo because it's so pointy at the top (given it's pear shape), this is the part which gets caught in everything and has actually damaged the sleeves of some of my clothing as well as catching in other fabrics etc. I don't think this would improve greatly even if I had it reset, the diamond is the shape it is, unfortunately.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alice818 · 14/02/2021 12:00

@avocadospringseternal this is not so much a thread where I respond to criticism over the length of my engagement, and more where I find information on possibly changing a piece of jewellery. Thank you though.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 14/02/2021 12:00

I only wear my rings when I'm getting dressed up for a night out. Mine also gets caught in stuff.

I wouldn't sell it though, maybe get something cheap and pretty for every day use?

MrsCalypsoGrant · 14/02/2021 12:01

PP is correct, you are unlikely to get more than 50% of what you paid for it if you trade it to a jeweller (unless you are making significant upgrade, then there may be some motivation on their part to do you a better deal.) You can sell privately of course but that comes with risk. Some jewellers will sell it on your behalf and take a percentage, that usually works out better than trading it in.

Is it claw set? You might find re-setting it into a bezel helps as the edges would be far smoother. I previously worked in the diamond trade and this was a fairly common issue - re-setting can be one way to help solve it.

Toomanyradishes · 14/02/2021 12:02

Could you have the stone set into a necklace and then get a more practical egagement ring? It sounds like a lovely sgape for a necklace and theres no point having an engagement ring which is impractical

LeaveMyDamnJam · 14/02/2021 12:02

You won’t get much for it. How about having it reset as a pendant necklace?

EspressoExpresso · 14/02/2021 12:03

What about getting something for day to day wear?

You may decide when you get married that you just want to wear a wedding ring and I wonder if you'll regret exchanging the original engagement ring

TheBodyPiercer · 14/02/2021 12:04

Could you get a halo added around it? This will rid some of the point

SteveBrexit · 14/02/2021 12:05

can't you keep the stone and get it reset?

If you cannot wear your ring everyday, it's a shame, so you are not wrong. But you won't get much by selling it.

Couldn't you ask for a valentine or birthday or eternity ring to wear instead for now? It doesn't have to be expensive if you are waiting to have a proper wedding ring.

avocadospringseternal · 14/02/2021 12:07

Well, if you're never likely to actually get married then the financial loss on selling your ring now to replace it with another is a different decision compared to if you're likely to marry soon and just wear a wedding band, isn't it?

If the length of your engagement is not relevant, why mention it repeatedly in your op? You're the one who started off by telling us about your engagement not your jewellery choices.

If you feel my questions about timing of your plans are "criticism" then that's coming from your own insecurities about the situation not what I actually said to you.

Original poster
Alice818 · 14/02/2021 12:08

@mrscalypsoGrant it isn't claw set, it is a pear diamond with a halo around it but very pointy at the top and still quite high set even though it's been lowered.
In terms of having something different for day to day, I would personally rather wear my "proper" engagement ring day to day, as I'm not really a big jewellery person and most days it's the only jewellery I'm wearing.

OP posts:
PegasusReturns · 14/02/2021 12:12

Whether you’ll get much further it depends entirely on the quality and size of the diamond and whether it was new or antique.

Antique jewellery (and some brands) hold their value quite well. You might not get what you paid but near as and many antique jewellers will give you what you paid in part exchange for something higher value.

hulahoopqueen · 14/02/2021 12:12

came to add exactly what @Toomanyradishes has suggested!

Original poster
Alice818 · 14/02/2021 12:13

@stevebrexit I had thought of keeping the diamonds and having them done into a different ring. I just have no idea what kind of cost that would involve!

OP posts:
PegasusReturns · 14/02/2021 12:15

Cost of getting stones reset can be prohibitive - again depends on quality and size. Anything from a halo is unlikely to be worth the cost but Athena entire ring could make a lovely pendant

Honeyroar · 14/02/2021 12:15

If your fiancé paid for your ring and now you want to change it I think you should pay the cost of the new ring. Have you discussed it with him?

polkadotpjs · 14/02/2021 12:16

Obviously we need a photo...show me the sparkle and then people may be able to better advise

DoItYourselfNeverHappensAtOurs · 14/02/2021 12:18

Stupid question, but can you turn it around so the pointy bit is at the bottom and the curved bit at the top? I have a pear shared ring and i did that but just because to my eye it looks more balanced that way. It does not catch.

user1493413286 · 14/02/2021 12:18

Could you start wearing it as a necklace instead and then just wear a wedding band or buy another one? I know what you mean about it catching on things; mine does that although I’ve got used to it now; I don’t think you’d get much for it if you sold it now and mine has a lot of sentimental value so i wouldn’t want to sell it.

cheeseybean · 14/02/2021 12:19

Yes. Pic pls

I have a pear shaped diamond and I don't have issues with it catching, mine is claw set and also sits quite high

Atalune · 14/02/2021 12:20

Let’s see

VinylDetective · 14/02/2021 12:20

Would it catch so much if you wore it upside down, ie with the point facing downwards?