For thinking most siblings would say that their house is going on the market?

[TheRosesAreInBloom]

Sister and I have a reasonably good relationship, we live very locally but don’t see each other much due to Covid, haven’t had a coffee and chat since last Autumn, a couple of texts per week to say hi etc.

On that basis AIBU for thinking it strange and feeling a little humiliated to be told by a distant relative over messenger that her house was on the market. It had been spotted on Right Move and transpires it went up a three weeks ago. Add to that I had a doorstep chat with her (and her DH) two days before this discovery whilst dropping a birthday card off for one of her kids!

They either have their reasons or they forgot they didn't say it.
There is no need to feel humiliated.

I don’t know why you’d feel humiliated? That’s an odd reaction?

I get feeling put out because you like to know everything, but humiliated?

It is a bit weird. Is she often secretive?

Humiliated?!

I wouldn't like my family to know the ins and outs of my finances.

I have the same set up as you with my brother and he never tells me anything. Occasionally he'll call me to talk something over but mostly I hear it all from my parents. I can imagine finding out about them moving from my parents.

Wouldn’t occur to me to say anything unless I was moving miles away.

Maybe they like to keep their business private or didn’t want you going over to chat about it and breaking the rules.

I told my brother but we work together and he’d moved house recently and I asked him for estate agent recommendations.

I don’t think dh told his sister until things had moved on (we’d had an offer and found somewhere to buy)

‘Humiliated’? Christ, I dread to think how you’d react if something genuinely humiliating happened to you.

At worst it’s a bit odd that she didn’t tell you. How another adult choosing to put their house on the market is ‘humiliating’ for YOU is a mystery.

That would be completely normal for me. Either that or I would fine out via DM, who is a bit of a go between for us and our news. Not because she is a gatekeeper, but because I am lazy at keeping in touch with family!

My brother wouldn't mention it, he'd only mention it once he'd only mention it once he'd actually bought the new house/car.

Sister and I have a reasonably good relationship, we live very locally but don’t see each other much due to Covid, haven’t had a coffee and chat since last Autumn, a couple of texts per week to say hi etc.

You don't have a good relationship OP. You are not close at all so I'm not sure why she would tell you the ins and outs of her life. The humiliation you feel is probably the realisation that your relationship is courteous and nothing else.

I didn’t mention I was moving until ours had actually sold - was worried we wouldn’t get an offer and the whole thing would fall through.

There’s a lot of uncertainty with house moves so I prefer to keep it private until I’m sure it’s actually happening

My DSis didn't tell me they were moving abroad! So yes, I understand how you feel. It might just be that they didn't want everyone to know how much their house is on the market for - again, that's something my family will think about.

I think selling your house is incredibly stressful and with the UK system even agreed sales are prone to falling apart. We surprisingly sold our house quickly, then the whole deal fell apart. Didn't tell anyone again until we'd completed the whole of the next sale - nice family members tend often to ask (perfectly politely) 'so how's it going with the house sale?' And when in this county it takes six months from sale to completion with every day wondering if buyers would and could pull out, it's just easier not to mention it! And almost put it right out of your head that it's even happening!

Maybe the sister doesn’t want everyone knowing everything about her life and offering their two penneth. If the OP’s ‘distant relative’ messaging her the minute she sees another relative’s house on RightMove is indicative of the level of family gossip, I’d be keeping schtum too.

I think it's very weird not to tell close family news such as this.

Or perhaps we're just a family of over-sharers.

I just told all mine about my new microwave. I'd never be able to keep quiet about a new house!

But there IS no new house. She hasn’t moved yet.

I would feel the same OP. I would wonder why she hadn't said anything. For the person who told you that you clearly don't have a good relationship, what the hell do they know. I'd just ask her straight why she didn't mention it.

I do think it would be odd not to know that my sister had plans to move house. I think there'd have to be more to the story, for instance that she was unhappy about the move, downsizing for financial reasons etc. I could understand her just not wanting to discuss it if that were the case.

I doubt very much whether she can even remember who she's told and who she hasn't. It really is no big deal.

Could she have just forgotten? Or is waiting until they have a offer?

That is weird!

Maybe they're having to move rather than wanting to move (eg. financial problems forcing it) and want to avoid awkward questions.

Is say humiliated is a bit strong.
She's probably just innocently forgot. We've moved recently and I didn't phone every family member when we put ours on the market, as it's not take interesting to anyone else.