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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To keep talking to him? Girlfriend doesn't want him talking to me

73 replies

Sweet666 · 14/02/2021 00:58

A man at work who I chat to told me today his girlfriend (also works here) doesn't want him to talk to me. I haven't done anything wrong and I don't want this to become something awkward. I don't understand why she say this, I have a boyfriend and she lets him talk to the other women here. There is no reason for this to happen and it will make work uncomfortable for me if I let this happen. What would you do?

OP posts:

Sparklesocks · 14/02/2021 01:03

Personally I don’t like drama at work so I’d only talk to him within what is needed for my job. I wouldn’t engage any further or try to sort it out. Clearly she has jealousy issues but that’s for her boyfriend to address.

HeddaGarbled · 14/02/2021 01:04

I would keep your “chat” to the minimum needed to enable you to do your jobs and maintain civility.

Soundbyte · 14/02/2021 01:53

I would take something a man said to me about his girlfriend or wife etc with a pinch of salt. What is his motivation for telling you this? Has she ever indicated to you that she isn’t happy with the two of you talking or is he trying to lay groundwork for something to happen with you and him?

I’ve never known a man slag off his missus to another woman to have good intentions for doing so.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/02/2021 01:55

Don't shit where you eat.

CSIblonde · 14/02/2021 03:35

Well if she's ok with the other women you are obviously more of a threat ( if he's telling the truth, was her flirty or serious when saying it, if flirty he's testing the water ). Does he talk to you more than the others & about more non work things? Don't get involved in work relationship drama as someone always has to leave because it gets nasty or all blows up & you don't want it to be you.

PuppyMonkeyBaby · 14/02/2021 04:26

Unless you need a personal relationship I would back off and keep it strictly professional. Don't feed her drama.

Hydrate · 14/02/2021 04:34

Why do you think that he told you this?

CtrlU · 14/02/2021 04:36

I would stop talking to him- simple really!

Bookwords · 14/02/2021 04:44

Is this the workplace or the school playground?

Milliepossum · 14/02/2021 05:01

I wouldn’t believe it unless I heard her say it to me. It might actually be news to her that she said anything to him. I suspect he’s getting into your head the idea that he’s this poor downtrodden guy with a controlling girlfriend that only you can make feel happy by eventually having sex with him.

PeggyHill · 14/02/2021 05:11

Sounds like they are in the midst of some sort of relationship drama. You are better off well out of it. Just keep your head down, be polite, and only chat to him about necessary work stuff.

Don't look at it as you being stifled - look at it as you protecting yourself from a load of unnecessary drama. Life is too short for these types of things.

CoffeeRunner · 14/02/2021 05:11

Yes, either she hasn’t actually said a word to him about you & he’s testing the water or she has a reason to say this. Maybe he has extreme mentionitis when it comes to you & she is worried about your closeness or his feelings towards you.

Either way the best thing you can do by far is just keep contact to a professional level.

garlictwist · 14/02/2021 05:14

She sounds very possessive!

RedHelenB · 14/02/2021 05:15

I'd have just said fine, no problem.

MotherHaryy · 14/02/2021 05:22

I have been the 'possessive' girlfriend, who was made to believe it was all in my head about one girl - yet another he just told me fancied him therefore I was paranoid of her.

Speak to the girlfriend, if she is upset by it then don't be a dick, keep professional. Don't hurt someone just for fun. If he's a liar, then you've had a lucky escape!

Bookwords · 14/02/2021 05:25

Speak to the girlfriend, if she is upset by it then don't be a dick, keep professional. Don't hurt someone just for fun. If he's a liar, then you've had a lucky escape!

Can you imagine if a man told his girlfriend not to talk to another male work colleague? I'm not sure she would be told "don't hurt him just for fun"? She be told, quite rightly he was a controlling arse!

MerryDecembermas · 14/02/2021 05:25

I wouldn't believe a word he said.

Don't you have other people you can talk to at work

Wiredforsound · 14/02/2021 05:45

That’s very unprofessional of him. If it impacts on your ability to do your job you need to raise it with your manager. If it doesn’t, just be polite but leave him to it. What a spineless, shit stirring, twat. How old is he? 16?

BlackCatShadow · 14/02/2021 05:47

How did he expect you to react to that?

I agree with the others. Keep your conversation to business only and don't chat with him. More from the perspective that he sounds a bit of a dick than anything else.

rockinaftermidnite · 14/02/2021 05:48

Stay well away. Honestly, you really don't want drama in the workplace.

CoalTit · 14/02/2021 08:02

Drama queens aren't always the people crying and fighting loudly in public. Often they're the ones making little comments designed to get other people crying or fighting. This man's comment is a perfect example.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 14/02/2021 08:12

If gf wants you to stop talking to him, why has she told him that? Why didn't she tell you, which would make much more sense?

I wouldn't be comfortable with him sharing a private conversation anyway. It sounds like he is trying to build intimacy with you by talking about his gf behind her back.

I agree with another poster though, in a reverse this is controlling behaviour- assuming it's true. Which l doubt.

I wonder if she does have an issue with you, what has he said to her about you...?

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 14/02/2021 08:14

Ahh re-read, yeah makes more sense. He fancies you and his gf knows it. It's like the piano teacher thread. Don't say anything her for crying out loud.

DaisyHeadMaisy · 14/02/2021 08:20

It was very unprofessional of him to bring his home issues into the workplace. People talk and chat in the office and to exclude one person from chatting to them is really akward and creates a bad atmosphere. If you aren't having an emotional affair with him or cheating in any way, how would she find out if you were just having friendly office chit chat?

I'm guessing the YABU votes are from women whose partners cheated on them at work, but what is there to suggest that OP is cheating with this man?

JackieWeaverFever · 14/02/2021 08:24

@Sparklesocks

This in spades. Necessary Work chat only. E.g. if you need to know where x is /how to do y and two people work in the team ask the other person and ignore him. If it's not urgent and only he is there wait for a few hours and ask the other person when they are back.

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