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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To keep talking to him? Girlfriend doesn't want him talking to me

73 replies

Sweet666 · 14/02/2021 00:58

A man at work who I chat to told me today his girlfriend (also works here) doesn't want him to talk to me. I haven't done anything wrong and I don't want this to become something awkward. I don't understand why she say this, I have a boyfriend and she lets him talk to the other women here. There is no reason for this to happen and it will make work uncomfortable for me if I let this happen. What would you do?

OP posts:

TinyCake · 14/02/2021 10:53

Bit weird. Can you do your job without talking to him?

OhWhyNot · 14/02/2021 10:54

That’s there drama not yours

Keep to chatting only at work

I wouldn’t be surprised if the next line is she doesn’t understand me blah blah blah

billy1966 · 14/02/2021 11:36

Avoid completely.

Extremely unprofessional of him.

I would be VERY suspicious of anyone saying something like that in a work environment.

Is your job important to you?

If it is, protect it.

Any bullshit, go to HR.

cherrypop86 · 14/02/2021 12:02

I was talking to someone about this exact situation yesterday. It's not KFC is it?

VettiyaIruken · 14/02/2021 12:06

I'd stick to being professional and talk to him when needed in order to do my job and apart from that, nothing beyond hello, nice weather.

Either she's a nut in which case it's drama you don't need

Or he's got form and she can tell he's trying to suck you in in which case it's drama you don't need

Or he's trying some stupid game in which case it's drama you don't need

passtheorange · 14/02/2021 12:39

A man came up to you to talk to you... to tell you that his girlfriend doesn't want him to talk to you.

anditgoeson · 14/02/2021 12:44

I would just back out and not speak to him, other than work related of course. Step way from the drama. You could find yourself in a mess, you don't know whats going on. Don't take the bait.

peak2021 · 14/02/2021 13:05

Have the work conversations only.

2Rebecca · 14/02/2021 13:33

It sounds as though he doesn't want to talk to you as much as you want to talk to him. It all sounds very juvenile but it sounds as though his girlfriend has become aware of you in a way most people aren't aware of their partner's work colleagues. Just stick to discussing relevant work business with him, he obviously doesn't want to be your friend.

TrainingAim · 14/02/2021 13:38

Personally, I'd avoid getting involved in this drama at all costs, but I suspect you and he are both enjoying it. It will not end well.

Leeds2 · 14/02/2021 13:41

Could he have been telling you so that you would know what the issue was when he stopped chatting to you?

An0n0n0n · 14/02/2021 13:45

I wouldn't talk to him. Not for her but because he sounds like a tosser for pulling you into the drama. Why would he tell you that? Sounds like he loves it a bit.

LuaDipa · 14/02/2021 13:46

What an embarrassing cliche this man is. Even if he is telling the truth, which I highly doubt, I would be absolutely mortified to be dragged into the relationship squabbles of some random at work and I wouldn’t hesitate to tell him that. I would ask him why on earth he thought it appropriate to discuss their private conversations with a work colleague and I would reiterate that his girlfriend is probably quite right, given the fact he clearly has no concept of appropriate boundaries in the workplace I would be more than happy to keep my distance and I would suggest he does the same.

Op, I sincerely hope that your aim in posting about this was to receive advice about an appropriate workplace response, and not to elicit responses about how this man’s partner is clearly jealous and unreasonable and of course you should continue speaking to him. You have received some good advice here, no good will come from remaining in contact with this man.

An0n0n0n · 14/02/2021 13:48

Also sometimes men do this to embarrass and humiliate the girlfriend and isolate her. Think about it, youre already feeling sorry for him and judging her. You don't actually know if its true.

Avoid him like the plague.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/02/2021 15:09

OP buggered off?

The bloke in this tale of woe isn't the only drama llama.

Original poster

Sweet666 · 15/02/2021 20:47

Thanks for the responses. It feels wrong that I should have to change my behaviour at work when I didn't do anything wrong and this woman has no reason to not trust me when I would never be interested in that man! So, he said it in a lighthearted way '(girlfriend) doesn't want me talking to you', I've talked to him a few times today but only shortly and when he has talked to me first... I definitely don't feel sorry for him as someone said... and I don't want to cause trouble but I just don't think I should be given this burden when I've done nothing wrong... Even if he is interested in me that's not my problem in my eyes and I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable at work... but yes I have stopped talking to him first, today I only spoke to him when he spoke to me first... even though he told me he's not meant to!

OP posts:

2Rebecca · 16/02/2021 14:14

Why is not talking to him a burden? If you feel it's impairing your ability do do your job by you avoiding giving him work then discuss it with your boss, otherwise just ignore his narcissism and get on with your job

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/02/2021 14:56

@2Rebecca

Because she clearly loves the drama. Great fr him because looks like he does too. It's like Romeo and Juliet.

Original poster

Sweet666 · 16/02/2021 20:20

I don't love the drama and there isn't a drama anyway... I haven't done anything to cause this and would rather not have been told about this in the first place... It just feels wrong that I would need to alter my behaviour at work through no fault of my own. He works next to me and having to be careful not to talk to him is a bit of a burden on me. But as I said I have stopped talking to him unless he talks to me first... which is still a burden because it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong and annoying her

OP posts:

Laiste · 16/02/2021 20:28

Is she in the same room as you and he OP?

The thing is - it's him which has bought this 'burden' on you so if i were you i'd not want to bloody talk to him anymore!

stampsurprise · 16/02/2021 20:28

@Sparklesocks

Personally I don’t like drama at work so I’d only talk to him within what is needed for my job. I wouldn’t engage any further or try to sort it out. Clearly she has jealousy issues but that’s for her boyfriend to address.

This.

If he wants to go out with a very jealous woman that is his problem.

He is just a work colleague.

You don’t need the hassle.

minionsrule · 16/02/2021 21:01

If you are physically in the workplace explain the issue to your boss and ask them to move one of you to another desk.
If he is lying he will look stupid, if he's telling the truth your burden will be lifted

Taylrse · 16/02/2021 21:30

It seems a bit strange that he would even tell you this. Almost like it's stirring up trouble.

I would just behave normally. Talk to whoever you want to talk to. If it's such a big deal the gf can discuss it with you herself.
However it might be an idea to let a senior staff member aware in case anything gets twisted

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