Page 2 | To keep talking to him? Girlfriend doesn't want him talking to me

DaisyHeadMaisy · 14/02/2021 08:24

Speak to the girlfriend, if she is upset by it then don't be a dick, keep professional. Don't hurt someone just for fun. If he's a liar, then you've had a lucky escape!

Oh God, don't do this! Stay well away from their home drama! If there honestly isn't anything going on between you two then you don't owe anyone any kind of explanation. If she is possesive then that is her problem to sort out and he needs to keep it out of the workplace.

Muskox · 14/02/2021 08:25

But it's not the girlfriend or boyfriend posting here Bookwords, it's the "other person", so advice will be different from if someone posted that their partner was saying this.

lurch3r · 14/02/2021 08:25

@Hydrate

Why do you think that he told you this?

Completely this. If it's true, he would surely be too ashamed to tell someone else that his partner directs who he is allowed to speak to - unless this is a cry for help and he is in an abusive relationship. Otherwise, he's just playing for attention which is very tedious in an adult. I would pass him details of a helpline and unless he genuinely needs your help, I'd avoid him.

ememem84 · 14/02/2021 08:26

Do you work with her too? Or just him?

If just him how does she know you’ve spoken to him?

Propercrimboselecta · 14/02/2021 08:37

Why has he told you this? He either likes drama and attention, or there is more to this.
I wouldn't talk to him because who can be bothered with drama in work. Work chat only.

Imissmoominmama · 14/02/2021 08:44

He’s telling you he fancies you. I’d leave him to it.

5128gap · 14/02/2021 08:46

If you know that your conversations are appropriate then personally I'd do nothing. Its him that been told by his GF to change his behaviour, not you.
That said, the last thing I'd want is to end up in the middle of any drama, so I certainly wouldn't be seeking him out and building any sort of friendship with him.
Would also add, ime, men say this type of thing to test the water. You are probably supposed to have asked why she has a problem with it to open the conversation up to whether there is attraction between you, and also to give him an indication of your level of willingness to do something your partners wouldn't approve of.

dudsville · 14/02/2021 08:50

He's not your best mate from back in the day, so I would stay out of their drama.

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo · 14/02/2021 08:52

I’d wonder what his motives were for telling me. You’re not doing anything wrong, so it’s not as if he needs to end a ‘relationship’.

It’s possible she’s controlling, and he is in an abusive relationship. Do you think he’s asking for your help? If you do then it could be worth directing him to a helpline, or local domestic abuse charity.

Alternatively I’d say there’s a chance he was trying to gage your reaction to ‘someone’ assuming you’re more than friends. By implying that his girlfriend is jealous, he has planted the seed that the 2 of you could possibly have a romantic/sexual connection. If you think that’s the case, I’d steer we’ll clear. You have a boyfriend, it’s your place of worn. You don’t need that kind of drama.

CaraDuneRedux · 14/02/2021 08:58

I’ve never known a man slag off his missus to another woman to have good intentions for doing so.

^^This.

"My girlfriend doesn't want me talking to you" is the warm-up act for "my wife doesn't understand me." He's a creepy gobshite looking for a bit on the side.

makingmammaries · 14/02/2021 09:19

Sounds weird. Oblige him and don’t talk to him.

AnnLouiseB · 14/02/2021 09:48

He’s stirring up drama. Assuming his girlfriend even did tell him that, there was no reason whatsoever for him to tell you except to create tension and engineer a situation in which two women compete for the magical prize of his attention.

On the basis, therefore, that he’s clearly a massive twat I would keep conversation to the minimum required to politely get on with your job.

WunWun · 14/02/2021 09:51

If he isn't going to talk to you there's not much you can do about it surely?

Unless he's just saying that to put an idea in your head..

BadLad · 14/02/2021 09:58

Is your name Tom?

Amdone123 · 14/02/2021 10:18

I would talk to her. Only at playtime, though.
Seriously, do people actually say these things ??!! Pp is right, imagine a man saying this to a woman. I would laugh if my husband said this to me, and vice versa.
That's why I would speak to her, because I find it unbelievable!!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 14/02/2021 10:18

It doesn’t really matter whether he’s trying it on or she’s a controlling harpy (or both). Either way, don’t stick your fork in the toaster. Talk to him when you need to at work; nothing more.

ItsJackieWeaverBitch · 14/02/2021 10:18

I’d stay professional and only speak to him when I needed to and only about work stuff. Not because you’ve done anything wrong but because I wouldn’t want to get into someone else’s relationship drama.

ItsJackieWeaverBitch · 14/02/2021 10:20

@AnnLouiseB

He’s stirring up drama. Assuming his girlfriend even did tell him that, there was no reason whatsoever for him to tell you except to create tension and engineer a situation in which two women compete for the magical prize of his attention.

On the basis, therefore, that he’s clearly a massive twat I would keep conversation to the minimum required to politely get on with your job.

And so much this. Seriously, who’d want to be friends with a fanny like this guy?

Butchyrestingface · 14/02/2021 10:21

@Sweet666

A man at work who I chat to told me today his girlfriend (also works here) doesn't want him to talk to me. I haven't done anything wrong and I don't want this to become something awkward. I don't understand why she say this, I have a boyfriend and she lets him talk to the other women here. There is no reason for this to happen and it will make work uncomfortable for me if I let this happen. What would you do?

Do you NEED to talk to him at work (about work)?

If not, I'd be more than happy to oblige. He sounds like a fud. I'd probably let my manager know as well, lest I receive any comeback about making the workplace a hostile environment by not talking him.

LApprentiSorcier · 14/02/2021 10:25

Another who says, don't fuel the drama. I suspect he is enjoying some notion of two women 'fighting over him' and has stirred this up himself. Just tell him it's fine and don't talk to him again for anything other than work purposes.

forinborin · 14/02/2021 10:30

He had probably developed a case of mentionitis ar home, and she's on a high alert.

IEat · 14/02/2021 10:33

I’d ask him what he wanted to do and if he said he couldn’t keep talking to me I would tell him that I’m sad to hear that as we get in really well and to be careful because all abusive relationships start somehow.

Then I’d walk away and then probably cry my heart out

NettleTea · 14/02/2021 10:42

agree.
he is setting up a 'me and you against her' thing

BlackCatShadow · 14/02/2021 10:44

@NettleTea

agree. he is setting up a 'me and you against her' thing

I agree!

I bet if you do start ignoring him, he’ll be all over you looking for attention. You’re better off out of whatever games he’s trying to play.

CaraDuneRedux · 14/02/2021 10:48

@IEat

I’d ask him what he wanted to do and if he said he couldn’t keep talking to me I would tell him that I’m sad to hear that as we get in really well and to be careful because all abusive relationships start somehow.

Then I’d walk away and then probably cry my heart out

Well, then you'd be allowing yourself to be played for a fool.

A man who is in an abusive controlling relationship might open up to his best friend: "And now my GF is starting to get antsy about who I talk to at work, and cross-examining me about what age my female colleagues are, and telling me I mustn't interact with the younger ones." That man is genuinely reaching out for help - from a friend he knows and trusts.

A man who says to a female colleague he hardly knows from Adam (Eve?) "My GF doesn't want me talking to you" is not uttering a heartfelt plea for help, he's trying to get into her knickers.

It is well to learn to distinguish these two situations early in one's life to stop oneself (due to lack of common sense and too much giving benefit of the doubt due to misplaced niceness) becoming the other woman to a philandering arsehole.