Should I tell my daughter's dad why she wanted to leave his house early?

[berrybonbon]

Long time lurker, first time post. For the first time in 2 years my Dd 11, had arranged to stay over at her dad's for the weekend so she could spend more time with half siblings and him, she normally goes one day every other weekend (her choice, as doesn't get on with step mum) she was very excited as she was dropped off this morning. This afternoon she messaged me to say she was unsure about staying over, so I called her to talk ( she refuses to talk to her dad about it as she's scared), to reassure her, I asked to speak to her dad to let him know what was going on, all very polite, explained she was worried as hadn't stayed over there for a while but she could come home if she wanted. Left it up to her, later this evening she came home, floods of tears as she came in as she had heard her dad and step mum bad mouthing me after the call and dad saying that I swore at him. This did not happen, both me and Dp were shocked as he was with me when I was on the phone to daughter's dad. Daughter's dad has a history of lying, he cheated on me with his now current wife and to justify this he told mutual friends and his family I was violent to him. Again this was not true and he is now estranged from his family and many mutual friends because they saw through the lies. So I suppose my aibu is do I tell him she wanted to come home because she heard him bad mouthing me again or not. She has also said she doesn't want to go around again.

@berrybonbon

Thank you all so much for your advice I really appreciate you giving me your time and thoughts. It was helpful to hear others experiences of having gone through this as children or with their own children. I've spoken to Dp as well and I spoken to Dd and told her I'm proud of her and that I was glad she felt able to talk to me. I've let her know the choice is still hers whether she goes round to her dads. I've decided it's best not to tell him, knowing him he'll twist it and it will cause no end of stress for Dd. Over the past 2 years she's certainly started to get the measure of him, he'll probably end up destroying what relationship she has left with him. All I and dp can do is continue to be here for her.

I think that's for the best to be honest. One thing I've just remembered actually is that after mum spoke to dad about things said there he told me I wasn't allowed to talk to my mum abo things that happened in his house. That what happened there was none of her business. For months I didn't tell my mum anything that happened at my dads. It made me sick trying to keep secrets. Mum figured it out in the end and going forward I could tell her anything and she wouldn't report it back so I was safe.

I think that is the wisest course of action under the circumstances. He's digging his own grave with her; let him.

OP you might also like to explain to your DD that you can love someone but not like them. It may help her to sort out her feelings and realise that it's not strange or wrong to feel that way.