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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you won big on the lottery?

87 replies

Feelingtired75 · 13/02/2021 13:38

And gave your brother 5 million for him his wife and their 2 small kids.. Would you be OK with him then giving half that amount away to various members of his wife's family.. Who you had never even met!
Iam not sure where I stand on this.. On one hand once its given to him surely its his money to do as he pleases.. But on the other hand? I don't know. Wwyd?

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 13/02/2021 13:39

If you gift the money, I don't think you can dictate what the recipient does with it.

icegarden · 13/02/2021 13:41

Not your money anymore

Original poster

Feelingtired75 · 13/02/2021 13:41

Yes that's what I think to but I can see the other point. If I gave him the money it would be to make his life comfortable his wife and kids.

OP posts:

Clicketyclick21 · 13/02/2021 13:43

Has this actually happened to you? What I would do is give him £1 million with half locked in a trust fund. The remaining £4 million would be put in trust funds for the kids. I would put clauses on the funds so the money is only accessible to them in installments at certain points in their life. So only available to them for university costs aged 18, then a small amount at 21, again at 30, 40, 50 & so on. So they can't blow it all in one go and it can't go to strangers.

Original poster

Feelingtired75 · 13/02/2021 13:44

That's actually a really good idea.

OP posts:

Veuvestar · 13/02/2021 13:45

I think if you won £150m I wouldn’t mind him sharing it out, but if you won £10m and given him half, then I’d be a bit annoyed.
But ultimately it’s his to do what makes his life better. If that means sharing with his in-laws then That’s ok.

HerComesTheSun33 · 13/02/2021 13:45

If you gift money to anyone then it becomes their cash to do as they please.

If you want to control what they do with it then you'll have to put it in trust funds for the kids, or give it in monthly instalments. But even then, it's just cash that be spent however they like.

Funnyfive · 13/02/2021 13:46

As long as he didn’t come back wanting more in a few years I’d be very proud that he also wanted to share his new wealth with his family just like you have.

Pinkmarsh · 13/02/2021 13:46

You can’t gift money to someone and then dictate what they do with it really. I’d probably be a bit annoyed though !

Abitofalark · 13/02/2021 13:47

You'd have to give him less so that he doesn't have enough to spread around other people. Or limit the amount he gets to control by giving a large proportion, say two thirds of the total to the children for their future.

Notjustanymum · 13/02/2021 13:47

Maybe your brother would be happier knowing he had also helped others? Some people, when faced with a sudden large windfall, might pay off their own mortgage and put aside a fair amount (like enough for early retirement, for example), then make the lives of others close to them a little easier. It’s altruistic, but not wrong...

Wherearemymarbles · 13/02/2021 13:50

Is this hypothetical?

Its up to him really and I can imagine some. spouses would want money to go to their family and things could get a little frosty otherwise!

Certainly any money I gifted could be spent however they wanted as long as they didn't come back for more!

AStudyinPink · 13/02/2021 13:52

Oh dear. This is the difficulty that comes with money, isn’t it? You can’t give it and then control the recipient for life. Give it freely or not at all.

arethereanyleftatall · 13/02/2021 13:53

Depends how big you won? 6 million? 500 billion?

shitsandgig · 13/02/2021 13:57

I would put money in a trust fund for nieces and nephews. Pay off their mortgage or buy them a property of their choosing, then a million or so to do what they wish with.

Biker47 · 13/02/2021 15:47

Can't police what you gift someone after you give them it, but could understand the annoyance, especially if you have nieces and nephews.

Also I wouldn't make someone a millionaire or multimillionaire if I won large on the lottery, too much hassle.

Pyewhacket · 13/02/2021 15:49

I would just give him a £1m, he’s hardly likely to split that.

thetaleunfolds · 13/02/2021 16:35

Not at all. If I came into money one of the first things I’d do it help out my family. There’s no way I could keep £5m knowing my family could have debts/mortgages paid off

Once it’s gifted it’s up to that person/s to do with it as they see fit. I think it would be a nice touch to see it go to help someone else.

user1493413286 · 13/02/2021 16:37

I think once you give it then it’s theirs; I agree with trust funds for kids but I think from the age of 25 they should be able to do what they want as beyond that it’s very controlling and if they’re going to waste the money they’ll do it anyway even with it just arriving in installments.

user1493413286 · 13/02/2021 16:39

If my sil gave us 5 million then I would definitely want to help my own sister and other family members who need it otherwise I’d just feel guilty

SingingLoud · 13/02/2021 16:41

I agree that if you give someone a gift of money it’s theirs to do what they want with it, but giving it away to his wife’s family would really annoy me.

This is exactly why I wouldn’t give away huge lump sums if I won the Euromillions.

Whitecup4 · 13/02/2021 16:44

Put 1 mil for him and kids each in a fund and hand them the rest to help her family.

MyLittleOrangutan · 13/02/2021 16:44

If someone gave me or my husband 5mil for any reason I would spoil my mum rotten, I'd buy her a house, holidays, a car and everything that went with it, including lessons, I'd make sure she was set.
And I'd appreciate that someone had given us the opportunity to be able to do that for her. There's no joy in having money if your loved ones are suffering.

KatherineJaneway · 13/02/2021 16:44

If you give the cash away, you cannot dictate how it is spent. They are a couple, you were naive if you didn't think she'd get to spend money on what she wanted too. If you wanted it spent on Uni / college fees for their kids then you should have set up trust funds.

What you have given them is a life changing sum. Of course she'll want to pay off the mortgages of family and friends etc. It isn't his money, he us married, it is their money.

FangsForTheMemory · 13/02/2021 16:45

Wouldn't give my brother a penny in the first place

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