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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you won big on the lottery?

87 replies

Feelingtired75 · 13/02/2021 13:38

And gave your brother 5 million for him his wife and their 2 small kids.. Would you be OK with him then giving half that amount away to various members of his wife's family.. Who you had never even met!
Iam not sure where I stand on this.. On one hand once its given to him surely its his money to do as he pleases.. But on the other hand? I don't know. Wwyd?

OP posts:
WhereDoMyBluebirdsFly · 13/02/2021 18:40

If you gift someone money then you can't really stipulate what they do with it, but it would annoy me too if I gave my brother a life changing amount of money and complete strangers benefitted from it, thus limiting my brother's options, when that was my whole intention.

My family absolutely could not be trusted with large lump sums of money. They would give loads away to people they barely know, make terrible investment decisions and/or waste it on supercars and drugs, probably killing themselves in the process. They can't keep secrets either so they'd end up blabbing about their millions down in the pub before inevitably being kidnapped and held to ransom. To protect them from themselves, my plan if I win the lottery is to fake that I started a successful business. I would downplay my wealth and filter money to them gradually, buy houses for them to live in and pay them a generous monthly allowance. I have thought about it a lot. Grin

Wearywithteens · 13/02/2021 18:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Meredithgrey1 · 13/02/2021 18:46

I would be completely fine with this. You’ve given away £5 million! A fair few people who received that much in an unexpected windfall would share it around a little.

GameSetMatch · 13/02/2021 18:47

I wouldn’t mind, if you wanted to be kind and give money away to help more people I’d be proud he was my brother.

You can’t give someone a gift then dictate how they spend it,

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 13/02/2021 18:47

If you gift money you don't have any say in what happens to that money.

Cocomarine · 13/02/2021 18:48

What would I do?
Be super proud of my brother’s generosity 🤷🏻‍♀️

DavidsSchitt · 13/02/2021 18:49

Gifts with strings attached. Lovely Confused

MrKlaw · 13/02/2021 18:50

@notanothertakeaway

If my DH received £5 million from his sister, I would be disappointed if he didn't offer to share some of his good fortune with my side of the family

What I might do with a huge lottery win is set up a trust, appoint professional trustees to manage the £, and then leave them to get on with it. Friends and relatives welcome to apply for funding, but I wouldn't be involved in decisions, apart from giving general guidance to trustees about my wishes

This. Avoid as much fuss as possible because anything you do you’ll be having arguments and people chasing you if not careful. Put it in trust and if the trustees think money for extended family is meaningful they can have funds. Also you make it clear that this trust is it for family - it’s there to protect them from blowing it, and to protect you as well
Palavah · 13/02/2021 18:50

Yes, I would be disappointed. If I won big Id pay off my brother's mortgage, max out his pension and put something in a trust fund for his kids, and take us all on a cracking holiday. Call me a control freak but I would be furious if he didn't use most of it for HIMself and his wife/kids.

MsSquiz · 13/02/2021 18:52

The only way round it would be to say "I am gifting you x amount to pay off your mortgage/buy your dream house" and you make the direct payment. Or put it in trust for his children.

Once you gift a sum of money, you can dictate how it's spent

MustardMitt · 13/02/2021 18:56

It’s not about wanting to control how the money is spent though. It’s ok to have feelings that are a little prickly that your gift has been shared with people you don’t know. Same as if you’d feel a bit aggrieved if it was pissed up the wall with nothing to show for it!

Butterfly44 · 13/02/2021 18:59

Can you reverse that. So you received money from your brother for your family; would you give some to your in laws and husbands family; friends organs if you felt you had more than enough to go around?

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/02/2021 19:07

You won money. A lot

You gifted to your brother /family to help them

He has done the same. Gifted to his family, to help them

thequeenoftarts · 13/02/2021 19:16

I have a lovely list of friends and family I want to help out if I am ever lucky enough to win a decent amount of money. For me its about sharing the good luck and happiness. Once the money is given to those people it really is up to them after that. As long as they pay off their own bills and debts first, if they chose to share their good fortune after that then good for them

DavidsSchitt · 13/02/2021 19:18

"Same as if you’d feel a bit aggrieved if it was pissed up the wall with nothing to show for it!"

I wouldn't. If they enjoy blowing the lot then it's theirs to do that with.

HarrysWife · 13/02/2021 19:22

I agree it wouldnt be your money anymore. But yes this would bother be greatly. So I would do as previous posters suggested and give them a smaller amount, say £1m. Then be generous with gifts for christmas and birthdays (cars etc). And take them on holidays or allow them use of any holiday homes you buy if thats easier.

rawalpindithelabrador · 13/02/2021 19:28

Not your money anymore. A gift with strings attached is not a gift.

Margaritawithlime · 13/02/2021 19:31

Whatever I did there’d be a non disclosure agreement! I don’t want random people coming out of the woodwork asking for money when I win my millions. I gift it to whomever I gift it to and that’s that.
And no. FWIW if I have my brother 5 million it’s complete without ties or conditions. He wants to give it to his wife’s family fine with me. Just as if he gave me money I’d be pissed off if I wasn’t allowed to help my widowed MIL in her later years.

elfies · 13/02/2021 19:32

A friend once told me they would never give away their money , but they would buy close family members a house for their lifetime , but the collateral would allways stay with him . That way nobody could ever lay claim to his assets

Dutchesss · 13/02/2021 19:34

Yes, 2.5 million is more than enough for one family. I would be happy to see my brother being generous and also for many people (myself included) it brings great joy to be a giver and to share with others.

winterchills · 13/02/2021 19:38

I can understand why you would be annoyed as if you knew what he would do with it then you probably wouldn't have gifted it to him in the first place

Peachy92 · 13/02/2021 19:38

I'd be happy if that's what he wanted to do, because he's helping the way you helped. His wife's family might be in dire straits and they obviously feel like they can't live a millionaires lifestyle whilst her family struggle. He will see his wife's family as an extension of his own. I'd be proud of him tbh.

FishWithoutABike · 13/02/2021 19:39

I’d be proud to have such a generous bother.

HavelockVetinari · 13/02/2021 19:40

If someone gave me £5m there's no way I wouldn't help DH's family - my niece might not be mine by blood but I still love her!

Kotbullar · 13/02/2021 19:50

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.