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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you won big on the lottery?

87 replies

Feelingtired75 · 13/02/2021 13:38

And gave your brother 5 million for him his wife and their 2 small kids.. Would you be OK with him then giving half that amount away to various members of his wife's family.. Who you had never even met!
Iam not sure where I stand on this.. On one hand once its given to him surely its his money to do as he pleases.. But on the other hand? I don't know. Wwyd?

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 13/02/2021 16:45

If you give it to me then I'll promise not to pass it on Grin

It would depend I think. If I'd had other people I'd have liked to give some to, but decided that my dbro's need was greater, then I think I'd be a bit irritated. But I don't think it would worry me too much.

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/02/2021 16:48

I’d think it was absolutely the right thing to do, if that’s what he wanted. If I were sharing with my brother, it would be because I couldn’t enjoy having a lot of money and a wonderful life without sharing that with somebody I loved. By giving that person lots of money, I’ve then put them in the same position: they can’t properly enjoy their £5 million whilst people they / their spouse love are struggling. Both I and they have given the money to others out of the same motivation.

Donoteatthekittens · 13/02/2021 16:48

If you die within 7? years of gifting them the money, don’t they have to pay tax on it? Could be interesting!

RandomUsernameHere · 13/02/2021 16:54

YANBU to feel like this, but you needed to think about it before you gave him the money, eg putting the money in trusts for the DC for instance. If the money was just given to your brother you have no control over what he does with it.

AGnu · 13/02/2021 16:55

I'd be stunned if I gave my brother a substantial amount of money & he didn't at least use it to benefit his wife's family! If we were given millions from DH's family member then I'd want to help my family out & I'm sure DH would be fine with that.

QueenOfPain · 13/02/2021 16:58

Maybe he and his wife couldn’t enjoy their good fortune knowing people they care about are in dire straits when they’ve the means to help?

SignOnTheWindow · 13/02/2021 16:58

@ComtesseDeSpair

I’d think it was absolutely the right thing to do, if that’s what he wanted. If I were sharing with my brother, it would be because I couldn’t enjoy having a lot of money and a wonderful life without sharing that with somebody I loved. By giving that person lots of money, I’ve then put them in the same position: they can’t properly enjoy their £5 million whilst people they / their spouse love are struggling. Both I and they have given the money to others out of the same motivation.
Exactly this!
liverpool1981 · 13/02/2021 17:00

Yes 40% iht tax year one then it will taper down for next 7 years. You can always say he was in your syndicate to skip the iht or take a whole of life policy to cover the iht duty. I think these rules apply

Titterofwit · 13/02/2021 17:03

If you know before handing over the money then it would be a good idea to have a plan in place - as have been mentioned by PPs. A fund for the children for example with it held until they are old enough to decide for themselves how to use it.
But if the money has been handed over as a lump sums with no strings - then there are no strings. The money is his and he can do with it whatever he wants.
I have thought about this as I am from a large family and obviously would want to make sure they would be well looked after if I had a large win.
But several of them have inlaws that are in need themselves. They would surely want to spread the love too I guess. So the amount give to them would be severely reduced by their own generosity. But that isnt a bad thing. They would keep enough to ensure they had a comfortable ,mortgage free life with fewer worries. Plus no burden of the inlaws wanting ongoing help .

I really dont think I would worry about what another adult has done with the money unless they had previously shown they had no common sense.In which case why just hand over the money in the first place?

altiara · 13/02/2021 17:10

5 million is a huge amount of money. They don’t need to keep all of it to have security and a good lifestyle.

In fact, lottery winners usually end up poor or hating their life, so it’s better for your DB to share the money out so they don’t end up in a different world to their friends and family.

I’d feel guilty with that level of money not helping people out. Whereas - half a million, I would pay off the mortgage, put money aside for my DC for university/cars/house deposits, have some great holidays and work part time.

mindutopia · 13/02/2021 17:11

I think that's fine. Me personally, I wouldn't gift anyone anything and I'd keep it all very quite and help people out subtly if and when they needed it.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 13/02/2021 17:36

I’d keep the money in the family so would have gifted trust funds ti the children that can’t be accessed by others and maybe not cash but cleared the mortgage for an adult sibling getting a solicitor to ensure the gift was safe somehow.

BackforGood · 13/02/2021 17:51

Of course.
I agree with most - if you give money, then it is up to the recipient what they do with it.

I also agree with most that if someone gave dh and I £5m, it wouldn't make our lives happy, if we were restricted from sharing some of that with close family. Trying to put that restriction on the brother would create al sorts of break down of relationships.
If you have enough to give away, then give it away with good grace.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/02/2021 17:53

If you want to put stipulations on it then you need to put it into trust. Otherwise its theirs to do what they want with.

I wouldn't feel comfortable sitting pretty on 5mil while my family were poor.

LaceyBetty · 13/02/2021 17:55

Wouldn't bother me in the least. How lovely for all involved.

JosephineBaker · 13/02/2021 17:58

Sounds normal to me - how could your brother, SIL and kids enjoy their wealth when half of their extended family have nothing?

The more it's shared out, the better, surely.

notanothertakeaway · 13/02/2021 17:58

If my DH received £5 million from his sister, I would be disappointed if he didn't offer to share some of his good fortune with my side of the family

What I might do with a huge lottery win is set up a trust, appoint professional trustees to manage the £, and then leave them to get on with it. Friends and relatives welcome to apply for funding, but I wouldn't be involved in decisions, apart from giving general guidance to trustees about my wishes

MrsDThomas · 13/02/2021 18:00

This is why i wont give a penny to anyone. My secret.

SlayDuggee · 13/02/2021 18:18

If I did win the lottery I would give my DB a chunk of money so that him and his family would be comfortable and then put some in trust which could only be accessed for specific reasons (and also leaving the decision making out of my hands so I couldn’t be emotionally blackmailed). I would also make sure that some of the money was locked in a Trust until his kids are 25. However, I would make it clear to him that it was a one off gift and he was not to come back for more. He’s fleeced thousands off me over the years (which I couldn’t really afford to lend him and not a penny has been repayed) so I could see him blowing the whole amount in a couple of years then coming back for more and having a hissy fit if I didn’t agree.

OverTheRainbow88 · 13/02/2021 18:21

If my family members gifted me 5 million I would give some to my husbands family.

SakuraEdenSwan1 · 13/02/2021 18:23

Sharing the wealth so many benefit is a nice thing to do.

Bourbonbiccy · 13/02/2021 18:28

Once you give it away, it is entirely up to the receiver how they spend it, that's why it's so important to think it through.

I personally would have put 1.5 mill each in a trust for the kids and give 2mil to my brother and his wife.

Fuckingcrustybread · 13/02/2021 18:33

Please try not to be drawn into a What if conversation, my female parent was furious with me when I said I wasn't sure I would give her half of a big lottery win. She didn't speak to me for weeks, and I didn't and don't play the lottery.

TriflePudding · 13/02/2021 18:38

I’d think it was absolutely the right thing to do, if that’s what he wanted. If I were sharing with my brother, it would be because I couldn’t enjoy having a lot of money and a wonderful life without sharing that with somebody I loved. By giving that person lots of money, I’ve then put them in the same position: they can’t properly enjoy their £5 million whilst people they / their spouse love are struggling. Both I and they have given the money to others out of the same motivation

This !

You had a lovely windfall and wanted to share it with your loved ones, and by giving your DB a windfall of his own that’s exactly what he is going to do!

You don’t gift things with conditions.

Dannydevitoiloveyourart · 13/02/2021 18:40

£5m is too much money to expect them to keep it all for themselves. I couldn’t get a windfall like that and then watch my in laws struggling with bills and not help them out. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy the money. So for that reason it’s entirely reasonable for them to gift some of the gifted money to others.