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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I can’t watch you self destruct... I have to say something

88 replies

WhoMe23 · 12/02/2021 19:55

My bf eats lots of unhealthy food, lots of takeaway food, sweets, fizzy pop etc. I used to have a sweet tooth but managed to change this a few years back when I quit smoking. I’m not saying I eat no junk but it’s very limited. I try really hard to eat well even more so now with the pandemic. My bf continues to eat crap and bring chocolate etc into the house. He has lots of dental issues. I keep reminding him not to eat so much sweet things and remind him that he already had takeaway today so please don’t have another one but he does as he pleases. It’s like he just ignores me. I had to take him to have a tooth procedure done the other week and I’m fed up of taking him to the dentist. Should I just leave him to it or continue to try and encourage him to have a better diet.
I really don’t want anything major to happen to him so I really can’t help but remind him about eating well. It’s annoying me. He’s a big guy and getting bigger. It’s pissing me off.

OP posts:
snowydaysandholidays · 13/02/2021 07:22

You are not compatible and you should call it a day.

He should find someone that enjoys eating junk food with him, and you should find someone that doesn't.

This will never work in the long term, and you will rip each other apart in the process.

JemimaRacktool · 13/02/2021 08:06

He sounds infantile. I can't speak for you OP but once I see partners as infantile I get the ick and I'm done.

What is he like in other respects? Is he challenged to be adult in other areas of his life or is he getting people to run around after him at work etc.

My DH doesn't like the dentist, who does? If he asked me to go with him I would laugh. I don't expect him to go with me to things that make me nervous. Biting the bullet is part of being an adult.

I think you need to unpick it on a larger scale to get to the bottom of it.

TillyTopper · 13/02/2021 08:09

Why is it up to your what your bf eats - he's a grown adult? Trying to change someone to that extent isn't going to work. If it's makes you that unhappy perhaps you're not that compatible?

queenMab99 · 13/02/2021 08:32

You can point out the consequences of other people's behaviour until you are blue in the face,and wear yourself out trying to help them, I have done it with partners, and sons most of my life, it does absolutely no good at all. I don't bother any more, they ruin their lives, or die too young, they are adults and make their own decisions.

Original poster
WhoMe23 · 13/02/2021 10:55

Yes I can’t change someone but I can surely highlight when something is getting out of control.

OP posts:
Overthemoon2020 · 13/02/2021 10:57

You said in your op that you used to do the same, but changed your diet. So because you decided to do that, you think he should to? Its up to him when and if he decides to do that. Also he's am adult can't he go to the dentist alone?

Original poster
WhoMe23 · 13/02/2021 10:59

Going to suggest a check up at the gp for third party intervention. He will probably take a step back if heard from a professional.
I’m not going to be made to feel bad for genuinely wanting my bf to adopt a more Healthy lifestyle. I think more people should do the same. Having a decent BMI should be taken seriously and whoever is offended by this should do a self assessment too.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhoMe23 · 13/02/2021 11:00

I used to have a sweet tooth when I was in my 20’s. I now know how unhealthy that is. Sweetness in sparse moderation! He is an adult yes you’re right.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 13/02/2021 13:43

The secret to relationship happiness (& life in general, tbh) is accepting that the only person you can change is yourself. You can only change your own reactions and actions.

At 46, it’s vastly unlikely it hasn’t occurred to your boyfriend that eating poorly is unhealthy.

It’s important to you to have a partner who eats healthily. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I’d reconsider your relationship in that light, quite honestly.

You cannot change anyone else. They have to want to change themselves. What your DP is - by default - doing is saying your opinion and worries over his health is not important enough to him to change. Can you live with that?

Is the rest of your life compatible? If he’s 46, does he want a child? If so, when?

LunaHeather · 13/02/2021 13:52

@NoSquirrels

The secret to relationship happiness (& life in general, tbh) is accepting that the only person you can change is yourself. You can only change your own reactions and actions.

At 46, it’s vastly unlikely it hasn’t occurred to your boyfriend that eating poorly is unhealthy.

It’s important to you to have a partner who eats healthily. Nothing wrong with that at all.

I’d reconsider your relationship in that light, quite honestly.

You cannot change anyone else. They have to want to change themselves. What your DP is - by default - doing is saying your opinion and worries over his health is not important enough to him to change. Can you live with that?

Is the rest of your life compatible? If he’s 46, does he want a child? If so, when?

Yes. I don't think the major issue here is his eating habits tbh.
Countrygirl2021 · 13/02/2021 14:19

I have to be honest I find piggy eating gross.

Most people have a couple of biscuits here and there or a takeaway once a month or whatever but constantly shoveling in junk is unpleasant.

I also hear you with how hard it is to see someone you care about not look after themselves.

nokidshere · 13/02/2021 15:45

Yes I can’t change someone but I can surely highlight when something is getting out of control.

All highlighting it all the time does is makes him defensive and you resentful.

You can't make him change. Tell him how you feel, properly and then leave him to it. Only you can decide if you can get past it or not.

NiceGerbil · 13/02/2021 20:56

'Having a decent BMI should be taken seriously and whoever is offended by this should do a self assessment too.'

I haven't seen anyone offended by this?

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