AIBU Star of the week

[Headspinning188]

I think I probably am being unreasonable but I feel a little hurt and I just wonder if you would feel this way too?

My son is 7, he is at home learning with my husband and I (we both work ft, I am a teacher so am in my own school each morning teaching and then home pm to prep recorded lessons for following day). We did not take a kw place as the school were keen for numbers to be kept as low as possible and my husband is at home working so it has been doable. However, like all of us, the home school juggle has been tough but we've always made sure the maths and English tasks are completed each day. My son's school share on a feed numerous pieces of work each day completed by the chn but I notice more and more that a) they only share work that I would view as completed by higher ability pupils (my own son finds writing difficult but always tries his best, however his writing is NEVER shared) and b) they only share the very elaborate projects completed by chn whose parents clearly have more time to spend on work with their child. This is the same for the star's of the week. It's always the most able chn or the ones with stay at home parents who have time to get everything done. I just really feel sorry for the chn whose families are doing their best whilst juggling work as I feel like the school are.suggesting they aren't doing enough. I really.dont feel they should be giving out public stars of the week right now when everyone is trying their best. It's made me feel so guilty that we are letting our son down.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with public star of the week as long as it is given to children of varied abilities. I don’t think the rest of it is acceptable though.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I'm a teacher and always try to share a wide range of work/abilities - it's all about showing work that someone has personally tried their best with, regardless of how good the end product is. Same for star of the week - should be in recognition of something good for that particular child, which could be resilience, effort, completing something, or sometimes just having a go. You are not letting your son down in any way - hats off to anyone who is juggling home learning and work. I know I couldn't do it and frankly, anything you manage to get done is a huge achievement in my book.

Op, yanbu.

I feel that all childrens display work should be shared equally. Likewise, all achievement certificates and star point etc, should be based on the hard work of the child and not on parental involvement. And it is patently obvious where there is parental involement.

You arent letting your son down, of course you arent. You've got nothing to feel guilty about. Homeschooling is hard work.

I have literally burst into tears hearing these end replies. Thanks so much, it's been the half term from hell for us all hasn't it and I think my emotions are high!

Kind sorry not end!

If it makes you feel better, I'm a stay at home parent, my child is higher ability in some areas (but is also being flagged as possibly autistic) and he's had almost zero recognition for his work as well. The same names do keep coming up when children are recognised though, I guess they have their reasons. Bloody hurt today when they had a huge collection of photos sent in of kids doing their home learning and again he'd been missed off. I've had days where he's had full meltdowns because this whole thing is stressing him out, I've had to beg and bribe, whilst also dealing with a (also quite possibly autistic) toddler. They can't even send a 30 second email with his name in at the end of the week saying 'good job Fred, Mrs X your teacher was especially impressed with Z bit of work!'.

I've not given a 'daily update' for the school today. Stuff them and their bloody popularity contests.

Are they giving him any encouragement at all? I would email them and ask that a teacher or TA gives him a call with some words of encouragement. It's important that children feel their work is having a positive impact and it helps their motivation. DS has significant SN and associated SEN, his school SENCO is phoning him at the end of each week to chat to him about his work and is unfailingly positive because it helps motivate him to do his work the following week.

OP that sounds utterly demoralising. There's always going to be a bit of show casing of the "best" work but failure to recognise the lower ability children or those at home with little to no support is just wrong.

I think children need their efforts recognised especially at the moment when they're giving up so much. So many things star of the week can be given for - never giving up, being kind, improved work, good effort, consistent hard work - almost anything. It does not need to be the top academic achievers every week, other things are important too.

when DD was in pre school she got one for always eating her lunch

Give your DS a cuddle and over half term keep reminding him how brilliant he is and how proud you are of him for doing everything he is while stuck at home all the time.

Younger DS teacher, year two so 6-7 year olds, has named all of the children as star of week every week this half term. She has a daily video call with the whole class and on the Friday afternoon one she announces it by reading out the class list and saying "you are all super stars!". It's a nice of way of acknowledging that they're all trying their best in difficult circumstances.

I feel for you. It's so tough right now. My girls are 7 & 4. I'm in school one day a week & then teaching live lessons on the other days. Although my 7 year old has live lessons, I can't help her like the other parents seem to be doing because I'm teaching my own live lessons while she is doing hers (in her room because otherwise we disturb each other). She's often tearful when she doesn't understand & I can't do anything as I have my own classes! She's not had any recognition & is trying really hard. My 4 year old plays on the floor nearby when I'm teaching & I play with her in the gaps & she is fed up too! I just keep thinking about spring, sunshine & brighter days!

YANBU

I honestly don't think now is the time to be giving out Star of the Day awards. It's a kick in the teeth to any child who is struggling.

Thanks so much for your encouraging words. I send the work in each day and he will receive a generic response such as a thumbs up or a well done but it then comes to the end of the day sharing of class work and his is never included because he is low ability (in writing).

These things have always been a pain. My DD never gets them either.

At high school her closest friend has got the form prize at least five times in 2.5 years but she has never got it. Having ignored it since she was two I actually became 'that parent' for the first time last year and asked the head of year to justify it.

DD had had a particularly difficult thing happen, had represented the school in something big and had also got some really high marks that month (higher than the girl who got it despite having much lower target grades). She also has a serious health condition to manage which makes her life harder than normal sometimes.

Her friend, who had not faced these challenges/ done these things got it instead (again!) and it brought out the tiger mum in me.... He had no explanation at all other than maybe she was a bit less confident.

The only consolation is that being a big fish in a small pond isn't always helpful. It has upset her in the past but she is fairly resilient about it now. The three children in her class who get it constantly are just viewed as teachers' pets by their peers which is not helping them socially as they grow older. The whole thing just makes the form teacher look like a bit of a wally too.

Not really sure what you say...I think the difference between schools and what is expected/ or expected is quite wide. I have to admit I try to do my best with Dd who is in reception and we have to upload videos and pictures and she got star of the week and we hadn’t uploaded much. With my Ds he has also had sotw and he has terrible writing (he tries very hard) he is in yr3 and his teacher is amazing doing sotw home learner and school learner and they can be for anything which is great as it encourages everyone. The teacher also gives a lot of shout outs at the end of the week for pupils too. Don’t get discouraged...I know it’s hard not too but as long as you’re giving praise and encouragement that’s great....keep going x

I think you are reading too much into this.
Ds2 , admittedly just at secondary, got star of the week, and Dh and I both are at work, and are not involved in their school work at all.

Star of the week does my head in. My dd9 has won it once in 5 years of primary school. She is of medium-high ability.

I’ve also noticed since homeschooling that the teacher calls on the same 5-6 children for everything. Literally the same ones chosen to read out loud, show their work, answer questions. She will ask other kids randomly too but these same children are being chosen 80% of the time. I haven’t said anything to dd but she’s been mentioning it too this week and has given up putting her hand up.
I don’t want to be “precious” by complaining though.

I'm working full time, by myself, (DH leaves for work at 6am) all day every day, super busy job, DC's 7 & 9 are having to figure most of it out by themselves. DD was star learner today and DS was star reader last week.

It definitely can be done, but it's really all about how the school manage it than anything else, I can see why it's frustrating.

my poor ds10 has never ever had anything displayed the wall,,, as the head demands they all be perfect
I can see where she's coming from but honestly wtf he's dyslexic and struggles with confidence.
hey irrelevant now I guess as actual walls in schools are a distant memory

My DD got a headteachers award hot chocolate through the post on Wednesday. It was such a surprise because she struggles with her writing. She's left handed and her writing is always back to front and backwards (puc for cup but also written so it looks inside out).
I did notice that in the first 4 weeks star of the week was always a child who was in school though and I thought that was unfair as they've got alot more resources in the classroom and although school say they're just being supervised they're obviously not, they're getting alot more teacher input than the ten odd minutes that the children at home get.

I've started hiding the star of the week from her every Friday. It's not worth the trouble and upset it causes. She is nearly 5

YANBU OP. This is not the time to be picking “stars” as there is so much variation in the amount of support parents can offer kids right now.

I hate star of the week/day (and all the other arbitrary “reward” systems 🙄). I’ve been That Parent as my two are in the same class and more put-going one had been SOTD twice and his brother hadn’t been. This was in the first term of Reception and out-going son got it for going back to school after having been ill! Brother was miserable at school, hated it, was in tears each night and after a chat, one of the things he mentioned was that he went into school each day thinking that today would be the day he was SOTD but it never happened. Add to the that not getting stickers for the same thing other children got stickers for and he was morose at the thought of school. Had a word with the teacher who said that they have a list they work through and just give it out “for anything” so I basically asked for him to be made SOTD. He was squealing with delight when I picked him up ☹️ The favourites also do my head in as I was never one and I can see my boys won’t be either. Complain to school as they’re not going to know there’s a problem unless it’s mentioned. If they’re going to do rewards at the moment then it should things like remembering to put your mic on mute or going out for a walk!

Sorry but I think YABU and oversensitive.

When I taught I kept a list of who had been awarded star of the week, so I could be sure every child got it at least once. There is something in every child that can be celebrated. Every child.
I'll never forget going to my child's school open evening, and all the art work was on display in and around the art room. Except my child's. I mean, seriously?! How to give a child a confidence boost.

YANBU it’s the same children too with parents to help and online tutor help. One parent is a part time journalist the kids had to make newspaper, she used all her templates from work and printed it as a reall paper, it look so professional but Mum clearly made the whole thing not her 6year old son yet this boy won the prize got lots an award and the end of term award for it too. It makes me mad when other children had no help and a few crayons didn’t get a mention!

It really winds me up things like this. YADNBU!!