AIBU Star of the week

[Headspinning188]

I think I probably am being unreasonable but I feel a little hurt and I just wonder if you would feel this way too?

My son is 7, he is at home learning with my husband and I (we both work ft, I am a teacher so am in my own school each morning teaching and then home pm to prep recorded lessons for following day). We did not take a kw place as the school were keen for numbers to be kept as low as possible and my husband is at home working so it has been doable. However, like all of us, the home school juggle has been tough but we've always made sure the maths and English tasks are completed each day. My son's school share on a feed numerous pieces of work each day completed by the chn but I notice more and more that a) they only share work that I would view as completed by higher ability pupils (my own son finds writing difficult but always tries his best, however his writing is NEVER shared) and b) they only share the very elaborate projects completed by chn whose parents clearly have more time to spend on work with their child. This is the same for the star's of the week. It's always the most able chn or the ones with stay at home parents who have time to get everything done. I just really feel sorry for the chn whose families are doing their best whilst juggling work as I feel like the school are.suggesting they aren't doing enough. I really.dont feel they should be giving out public stars of the week right now when everyone is trying their best. It's made me feel so guilty that we are letting our son down.

It's all bullshit. So glad mine are adults now. I hated all the stuff like World Book Day/Easter etc outfits/hats awards won by kids whose parents had clearly spent day and night making for them. The same kids getting awards, chosen for plays etc. And the worst one- getting recognised for not having a day off sick the whole year. What about the kids who couldn't get that because they were...ill!

Star of the week in our school is given to all children in the class for anything - kindness, thoughtful, work etc.

I have two sons with additional needs in mainstream. They would hate to see their work shared as they both have dyslexia and struggle greatly with any one looking at their work.

Our school did these but it always seems to be a bit pointed. The class bully got an award for “kindness” if she had a good week for example or the “improved attitude” award would raise a few eyebrows. The kids don’t get it and that part was unfair but most of the parents seemed to recognise that it was important to encourage the children experiencing challenges. If your school is like ours was, I’d see it as a positive in that he’s obviously working consistently. Maybe give him your own little “reward” instead?

It shouldn't purely be based on school work either. Star of the Week could relate to an act of kindness by the child. My non academic child got SOTW on the week we rescued a guinea pig during lockdown
To base it purely on academic stuff sends out the wrong message to children. There's more to life than that.

I hate star of the week at the best of times, it’s horrible. Why do that to tiny children? I’d love to hear from any of the teachers what the thinking behind it is - is there any actual evidence that it produces positive outcomes?

YANBU...not really sure what the need is for star of the week is at the moment. And TBH I'm fed up to the back teeth of seeing what other kids are up to on class sharing apps. I don't give a toss, and don't expect them to care what we're up to either! Which for the record has been building flat pack and learning to make tea. I'm happy to provide information to the school and teacher but the rest is just nonsense and more of a testament to how much input the parents are putting in to home school. Rant over.

All children really need extra rewards, motivation and encouragement. Lockdown learning is dull and lonely.
I imagine teachers are up to their eyes preparing and delivering lessons and monitoring work submitted and don't have the time left but a little encouragement from them for every child would go a long way.
My child is my star of the week every single day in my house! He doesn't like me to get involved in his work- he's 13- but every day I big him up about something and he gets some kind of small treat- a biscuit, breakfast in bed, a pound for his savings, and lots of praise and encouragement. I don't know how he carries on day after day after day- 5 hours just listening to his teachers. They are not even allowed to SEE their teachers.
All children NEED and DESERVE praise and rewards. Please, teachers or administrators, if you can do something, it could really make a difference.

You're not alone -

Ive had an absolute meltdown www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lockdown_learning/4157206-ive-had-an-absolute-meltdown

@pickingdaisies

When I taught I kept a list of who had been awarded star of the week, so I could be sure every child got it at least once. There is something in every child that can be celebrated. Every child. I'll never forget going to my child's school open evening, and all the art work was on display in and around the art room. Except my child's. I mean, seriously?! How to give a child a confidence boost.

DD never got star of the week before May. We realised why - the teachers had a list like you did, and were seizing the opportunity to reward the trickier kids, whereas DD could be awarded it anytime!

I feel your pain. This is what has been happening with home learning for DD(5) and it really upset me earlier. The teacher has set up a blog where work that goes 'above and beyond' the expected requirements is displayed. I've purposely not shown it to DD because she has done a year of home learning with zero complaints, puts her all into every piece of work and gets absolutely nothing back from her teacher. She made a poster last week that took her almost all day - little handmade flags that she researched and made herself, drawings that she had spent ages following tutorials on Youtube to get just right, and almost a whole A4 page of (painstakingly slow) handwriting. And the child who gets his 'outstanding' work displayed time and time again has typed up three sentences on his PC and printed some photos off of Google. Ugh.

I don’t think it sounds very fair OP. All the children should be praised and encouraged equally. It is such a tough time for them as well as for parents trying to juggle it all. But one thing I would say is, please don’t try to guess (if indeed you are guessing) what other people’s home lives are like. I think many assume I don’t work (I have a full time job and so does DH) because we manage to do some of the lengthier projects with our DD who is also 7 and in year 2. I take regular breaks from work to help her with home learning and some days it is incredibly stressful and I just can’t sit at my desk until 3pm and then I’m working all through the evening into the night (I’ve just finished for the day now!)

But our school rewards everyone very fairly and children of all abilities are getting shout outs and praise. The teachers also send lovely personal comments on google classroom every time a piece of work is handed in. It’s absolutely fantastic. Your DS’s school needs to ensure that everyone has a turn for some public recognition. But just because my DD has had her public recognition it definitely does not mean I have all the time in the world to sit with her and do not work myself (very far from it!) and I also have younger siblings to look after too. It has been a nightmare and a real struggle, but like you we try to get the Maths and English done and occasionally have time for a longer project. Good luck - we are all in similar boats.

Star of the week is completely meaningless at the moment for young children who can't yet work independently, pupils with great work will in the main be a direct result of their parents time available to help them. So those with working parents or younger siblings at home will have no chance. The school are basically saying well done to those parents for not having a job or (many) other children. What's the point?

I think schools are trying to be encouraging in a difficult time and also to maintain a link to reward schemes that happen in school. Overall though, I too wish they didn’t bother. My child has been chosen and he was duly thrilled but I can see one little girl has never got it (it’s daily in my child’s school).

On the sharing work - is the sharing on social media? In which case I guess it’s image management. If it’s a share to the class is it being shown as an example of how to do the task and given as part of task feedback? Again, my child’s school does this and I kind of see why but I have thought that it doesn’t build the confidence of younger/less able/less assisted kids.

I also hate SOTW. I used to work in my daughters primary school as a lunchtime assistant. Every Friday lunchtime it SOTW from each class was allowed to choose a friend, and they all sat together to eat lunch on the stage with some of the teachers. I noticed how often the same children were chosen. I thought it was demoralising for the other children to have to watch them on stage every week. I eventually had to express my thoughts to the head. It’s all very unfair.

Ah op, you’re not alone, ‘‘tis the same in the house of Phoenix. All we do here is not make a big deal of it, attach limited importance to it and reassure our two that they’re stars of the day every day in our house. You’re not letting anyone down, it’s a strange idea really if you think about it, as long as they know they’re loved beyond measure at home these awards aren’t the definition of them.
My lovely partner and I never had any “recognition” at school and we’re both above average in life, this kind of thing absolutely does not define who they’ll become as adults if you’re able to guide them to see that.

YANBU.

I feel for you and your DC. I don't think this is okay. For small children, these rewards should be handed out on rotation, so that everyone gets it, making sure you catch the child doing something good.

I used to resent it when my DC tried really hard to do a project by themselves (because we were both busy, they had to make do without anything more than the odd bit of assistance), and every single time the reward went to the kids with the most involved parents.

One of my friend's kids told her mum at age 9 that there wasn't any point in trying because it was always the same kids who got the prizes. Perfection achieved through parental input was rewarded, not the kids' efforts.

I've learned loads since then though, and if this was happening today, I would share my thoughts with the school and ask them what they are teaching the kids with their reward choices. Coz from where I'm sitting it's nothing good.

If they must have stars of the week, then make every kid feel special at least once. A family member of mine is a primary school teacher and she talks about how hugely motivating praise from their teacher is to the children. So she always makes sure to find some kind words for every single pupil.

You might not want to say anything though, given your already stressful work and lockdown and all that, and that's completely fine, too. In which case, I would get a little star of the week sticker sheet so that you can hand these out to DS instead. Find a new category each week, or several permanent ones, give yourself and DH the occasional star, too, and maybe those teacher stars will not be so sorely missed anymore.

My 2 hardly ever got star of the week. I told them it was because they were so good they didn’t need encouragement whereas some of the less good kids did . I remember DS finally getting it for “trying harder with his work” talk about damning with faint praise! I just told them to ignore it. (Used to hate attendance awards too. Not the kids’ fault they’re sick.)

But - this was in normal times. In these times when it’s really really tough on the kids the teachers should be encouraging them all not singling out individuals for praise.

love this suggestion
give yourself and DH the occasional star, too

I should do this. Sadly the little animation you get when handing work in on Teams is the biggest motivator in my day at the moment! I have a tonne of those gold stars to use up. I’m going to end up like one of those old generals who needs a medal extension bar on their chest!

Even in normal times I’ve seen star of the week be given in an imbalanced/unfair manner. Several of the DC’s teachers saw it as an incentive for the children with more challenging behaviour (so they’d get it when they hadn’t punched anyone that week or if they’d managed to not reduce other kids to tears..). All valid reasons but the well behaved, quiet & consistent with schoolwork were overlooked.

The classes where the teachers essentially gave out the star of the week in rotation, which means each child getting it once per school year were the best - they found whatever quality the child showed which they deserved rewarding for and gave it to them for that - ranging from kindness to perseverance to good/improved behaviour. I’m sure if a child remaining on the list was remarkable in a particular week then they’d be next, but just constantly rewarding any one trait, be it academic prowess or having not poked someone in the eye with a pencil is infuriating & demoralising for the other kids. It’s worse still in the current situation where most kids are struggling one way or another - its worth bringing up in a non-confrontational way.

@FoxyTheFox

Younger DS teacher, year two so 6-7 year olds, has named all of the children as star of week every week this half term. She has a daily video call with the whole class and on the Friday afternoon one she announces it by reading out the class list and saying "you are all super stars!". It's a nice of way of acknowledging that they're all trying their best in difficult circumstances.

That's lovely and a great idea.

I hear you on this one OP.

We both work full time here. I am a KW. Chose not to send 2DC in for similar reasons.

But it’s hard. There are similar rewards at our school
And I feel it completely excluded children of parents who can’t offer much support . Really horrid as it’s not the child’s fault and we are exhausted.

Don’t get me wrong - pleased for the kids who get them . But it’s like absolutely rubbing in what awful parents we are. We simply can’t help with more than basic things. Ergh.

Star of the Week is ridiculous. Why have a reward scheme for just one child a week- if it makes every other child somehow feel 'less'. Surely more than one child per week must do something to merit recognition???

There are so many other ways of giving
feedback
praise
rewards
to more than one child at a time, for every child that deserves it.
Star of the Week is a really weak tool.

At our school, with 33 children in a class and 38 weeks in the teaching calendar, every child gets it once, and then a handful might get it twice.

I think it's awful if some schools are rewarding the same children over and over again, while some don't get it at all.

Having said that - I regularly get parents complaining that their child hasn't had it when we're ten weeks into the year (yes only ten out of 33 children have had it), or that they didn't get it all year (when I can tell them what date they got it and the reason, because I keep a record), or why someone else has got it instead of them this week (because the someone else deserved it more).

@LucyLane

Star of the Week is ridiculous. Why have a reward scheme for just one child a week- if it makes every other child somehow feel 'less'. Surely more than one child per week must do something to merit recognition???

There are so many other ways of giving
feedback
praise
rewards
to more than one child at a time, for every child that deserves it.
Star of the Week is a really weak tool.

I think most schools will have something like Star of the Week alongside other rewards such as those you describe.

I hear you OP. Trying to juggle 100% concentration at work with getting the link for the lesson, multiple laptops needed for multiple kids with various work saved on various laptops and never ending homework is a lot of deal with. Without the constant cooking 2/3 meals a day then cleaning them. So normally engaged parents are feeling that they appear disengaged when they actually have double tube workload!