AIBU to expect grandparents to visit

[BigMomma164]

In support bubble with in laws. DS unwell with fever, turns out he had tonsillitis. COVID swab negative. Ended up having an ambulance out in the middle of night as breathing very fast and struggling. Grandparents who live a mile down the road ask me if they can video call?!! AIBU to expect them to visit their only DGS within 100 mile radius.
Ps grandparents are both under 60

are you a single parent? I didn't think adults were allowed to mix with other households? I do know support bubbles exist & are encouraged for single people/parents but honestly didn't think it was allowed unless you're single.

FFS.

Are you not capable of googling and reading the guidelines yourself? Are you incapable of reading the thread where this has already been asked and answered?

@CrocodilesCry

He's got an infection that can be contagious (tonsillitis in itself isn't but the infections that cause it can be) and he's been in hospital - so he's at risk of having been exposed to covid. Even with a negative swab test, he or you (if you went with him) could have been exposed in hospital.

Your inlaws if they are under 60 are likely unvaccinated.

YABU. If they are in a true bubble (eg within the rules - which means one of you is single person household with a very young child) with you they can visit when he's better.

This ^

and paramedics might have dealt with Covid patients so they're sensible to leave it 10-14 days.

Why would a baby need visitors? And if they did come, you'd probably be complaining about having to make cups of tea!

Fuck me there are some dense arseholes on this thread. Learn to fucking read, the thread or the guidelines, before sticking your two cents in.

OP it's weird if they're happy for you to come to their house but not vice versa.

@katy1213 because the in laws have invited her to theirs meaning dragging an ill baby out, I don't think it's unreasonable to expect them to come to her because the baby is ill!

purple

The rules keep changing though don't they?

I don't think having in laws who work in close contact with lots of people should really mix with a poorly baby.

So sometimes what BJ has said is allowed isn't necessarily the best advice to follow.,Christmas mixing and bubbles is an example. It was allowed but look where we're at 6 weeks later 🤷🏻‍♀️

The rules keep changing though don't they?

The website where they’re available is always the same though.

It is very easy to find through google if you can be bothered to try.

I don't think having in laws who work in close contact with lots of people should really mix with a poorly baby.

Be that as it may, it has no bearing on whether the op can legally form a support bubble with these in laws or not.

[quote BigMomma164]@PurpleDaisies
I think I'm just re-evaluating life and relationships.
I feel sorry for DS as in my culture visiting while recovering is a show of love.[/quote]
A lot of people prefer to be able to recuperate in peace.

I think YABU especially since you start off saying they should visit because their grandchild is ill but then say it’s so you can have a wee in peace. If your child’s ill, isn’t it you that they want a peaceful and quiet cuddle with rather than being passed around?

In 12 years of being a parent I’ve never thought a relative would visit to check dc is okay even they are clearly ill with a contagious illness. It’s tonsillitis, kids get it, give him calpol and cuddles. Why would you want anyone in the house? I find this anger at pil really weird. A video call seems much more sensible.

purpledaisies yup you're right 👋👋

I wouldn't expect grandparents to visit for a bout of tonsillitis. I'd expect them to stay away.

How unreasonable are you. Wow.

I get why bubbles are there for young children but honestly, i wouldn't bubble with them in particular

They're working outside of the home, seeing lots of people etc. That's a lot of risk. You're just about coping now - I'd read the threads where parents are ill with covid and juggling trying to look after a baby / children.

Do you need them in your bubble?

It's not just a little case of sore throat/tonsillitis if the baby required paramedics.
Children who develop breathing problems can deteriorate rapidly and could have life-threatening condition called streptococcal toxic shock syndrome that can cause organ failure.
Or Peritonsillar Abscess also called Quincy.
The baby can also be at risk of sepsis.

Yanbu, you needed support and the child's grandparents seem to have missed the point that you need someone to watch your baby constantly so you can sleep etc.

But your parents can still bring him another virus. They don't need to come over.
I hope your baby gets better soon. Tonsilitist is very painful. If it is bacterial he may need antibiotics.

• another a virus

I'm a grandmother and there is NO way that I'd go to visit someone with a sick baby. The baby doesn't need visitors , and surely you don't need someone to "watch him while you have a wee".

There are other illnesses besides Covid. He has signs of infection and should not have visitors.

Surely the last thing you’d want in that situation would be extra people in your house, disturbance etc when you need rest and recuperation? I think most people would be complaining if they were showing up! Also when someone is ill with something contagious—or those outside have a risk of something contagious—it’s generally not worth crosscontaminating. I think their FaceTime is the exact right thing, minimum fuss for you while showing they care.

If there is practical support you need, absolutely ask!

Do they know that you could do with their help? I'm the grandmother of a baby and in that situation my instinct would be to keep out of my daughter's hair. I can imagine the MN thread by a mum, stressed after a hospital visit with her baby, complaining about the grandparents expecting to visit.

But of my daughter said "mum, I'm exhausted after the stress of that hospital business and worrying about the baby. Could you possibly pop over so I can have a nap?" I'd be there like a shot.

In short, don't "expect". Communicate. They can't read your mind. Nor can you read theirs.

The world does not revolve around your baby, your world maybe.

The, last thing I would want near my sick child would be people who meet with loads of other households through their work.
Support bubble or not.

Just because the law allows a something , it doesnt mean you have to or should do it.
In the summer the law allowed pubs to open, encouraged people to eat out, you could go on holiday.
That worked out well.

Not much support, are they? I'd consider changing my support bubble.

Where is your partner in all this? If you need support to there extent you need your in laws to come over, then perhaps you should be looking at why your partner isn't being that support. A poorly baby doesn't need 3-4 adults for support.

I'm close to my parents, but they wouldn't have popped round in those circumstances units I asked them to, it's just not obvious to do it, and as parents we've got it covered. They might offer to take our other child out if we were both stuck in with the poorly child.