AIBU to tell Doctor about DH's family medical history?

[Kateguide]

Hello I was hoping that someone may have been in a similar position or work in a GPs surgery and able to give me practical advice.

Myself and DH are both in our 40s and healthy, haven't had the need to go and see our Dr about anything in at least 2 years.

In the last year, 2 of DH's relatives (mum and uncle) have died from cancer. His uncle 4 weeks after diagnosis with pancreatic cancer; his mum after a long horrid battle - lung, breast, liver and bone - it was awful, she was 65 (her twin sister died of breast cancer at 55).

Through these tragic deaths it transpired that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, on MIL side of the family has died from cancer going back quite a few generations. I really want this on my DH medical notes. If he ever goes into the Dr with an ache or pain, I want them to see how prevalent cancer is on his mother's side of the family.

DH has been pretty laid back and when he goes to the Dr it's usually me pushing him through the door. If he was to tell the Dr, I am sure he would 'play it down' in a typically British way.

Am I able to ring up the Dr or surgery and ask them to put this information in his notes? Any advice on this would be deeply appreciated.

In my experience; they won’t put third-party notes on a medical record.

If he’s told them before, it’ll be recorded anyway; and if he hasn’t, it’ll be recorded when he’s asked. I’m presuming you’re not thinking that he’d lie, just that he’d downplay?

I tried to give the medical history I knew to my little sisters doctor after we all went into foster care. They, and social services, were grateful for the info but said they couldn’t record it on her medical record without her consent. They didn’t seem to ask her, just disregarded it.

This would be outrageous. You don’t get to “want” stuff in another adult’s notes. It’s a confidential matter between them and their doctor.

Is there any evidence that the cancers are linked? BRCA? Lynch?

I was thinking you were meaning in relation to something you were talking a joint child into the drs for, so fair enough.

You have absolutely no right to do what you are suggesting, hopefully the receptionist will ignore you if you try.

Have you even thought of how it could impact him? Job applications, insurance etc!

This is a terrible idea, and simply not acceptable. I would be furious if my husband interfered with my medical care, and I think most people would feel the same. Your husband is an adult, and you have no right to call his gp and provide information without his consent. If you are worried about this, speak to your husband and try to get him to share his family's history.

@AStudyinPink

This would be outrageous. You don’t get to “want” stuff in another adult’s notes. It’s a confidential matter between them and their doctor.

Absolutely this.

How can you think this is acceptable, OP?

My dh told his gp that his df had high blood pressure. A few months later we had to change our mortgage insurance and they asked for medical records.
My dh's insurance doubled.
His df was a smoker and had a sedentary job.
My dh never smoked and was a keen runner.

I was annoyed but even more so when we found they'd also added this onto dd, age 17 at the time, medical records.
She went in and demanded they remove it which they did.
So be careful what you tell your gp.

@SendMeHome

In my experience; they won’t put third-party notes on a medical record.

If he’s told them before, it’ll be recorded anyway; and if he hasn’t, it’ll be recorded when he’s asked. I’m presuming you’re not thinking that he’d lie, just that he’d downplay?

I tried to give the medical history I knew to my little sisters doctor after we all went into foster care. They, and social services, were grateful for the info but said they couldn’t record it on her medical record without her consent. They didn’t seem to ask her, just disregarded it.

Both my dc have a genetic syndrome (which i passed on but dont have) and they wanted to know all the family history of this syndrome. I received a copy of the letter from the consultant to our gp detailing this history, so it is on my ds medical records. In fact i dont think they can diagnose this syndrome without actually detailing family occurrance

Also when i had regularly get asked about my familial history of diabetes etc , its on my notes for an eye problem i had

He could have genetic testing perhaps, think they may be doing more of that these days. You can do some yourself with 23andme, for things like BRACA and lynch. It may be useful to screen for things, think you are being prudent.

I work in a GP surgery in a clinical role
We cannot add on medical information from a third party without consent of the patient.
If may well be coded on the system from previous consultations.

You can ask your husband to have it put on it his notes, and talk to his Doctor about his family history with cancer.

I mentioned in passing to my Doctor about my family all having heart attacks (I’d just been diagnosed with high cholesterol) and she asked me to draw a family tree with everyone who’d had had heart problems. It’s on my records and I have regular tests.

It might be that your husband because he’s at risk could have regular screening for certain cancers. I don’t see a problem with being proactive about it?

I'm not sure they'd take special note of any symptoms anyway, even if he told them, would they?

I would definitely try to get your husband to speak to his gp. ATM is another less well known gene which has an increase in pancreatic cancer & breast cancer so it is definitely worth him telling his gp.

I have spoken to DH about telling his GP, so it's in his notes. He thinks I am over reacting (which maybe I am, unfortunately I have been to too many funerals in the last year).

He downplays his health all the time, for instance in his 30s he got ill and it was really bad, he just said 'it's flu'. I told him to go to the doctors for weeks, he eventually begrudgingly went. Turns out he had shingles on his head and he nearly lost an eye!

@Greenevalley how did the insurance companies know about that?

If you have children I would speak to the GP about it being in their notes.

However your husband is an adult. Talk to him about it but ultimately it's his decision. Even if he says no his being aware of it may make him.more likely to raise it at a later date.

I seriously wouldn't worry.
One in 2 people in the UK get cancer.
This is something health professionals look for in everybody.

@MonkeyPuddle @SendMeHome - thanks this is what I was after. Maybe I should just go to the Dr with him the next he needs to go?

Approx 39% of males die with cancer, it's slightly less for women. So I'm truly not surprised that his mum and aunt and uncle have died from cancer. I presume his grandparents and any other uncles/aunts/sisters/brothers are OK or haven't died of cancer?

@Kateguide we remortgaged and had take out new mortgage insurance.
My dh had suffered mild anxiety 2 years earlier and we truthfully told them. They then requested his medical records and saw his df and dm both had high blood pressure, I've just remembered that about his dm too, anyway they were both smokers since 15.
The records didn't explain this, just said both his parents had high blood pressure.
I told him in future not to mention anything unless it was relevant.
I've been asked about my dp's and I always say I don't know because quite frankly my dp's are not duty bound to tell me.

You will have to try to persuade him to tell the doctor, with or without you being in the room at the time. But it has to be his decision, and I am glad medical confidentiality is respected this way.

@Ariela none of his mother's side have lived past 65 (at least 2 generations before his mum have died from cancer - everyone on his mum's side). The pattern is they get cancer in their 50s & 60s.

If his maternal aunt died from breast cancer at 55 and his mother also had breast cancer - doesn't that mean his family could have the breast cancer gene? If it was me, I would ask his permission to email the doctor and ask. It may mean the doctor might call him. Then it will be on his file. I do this all the time with my husband ie say I think you've had X symtom for a while I think I'll email the doctor - the doctor calls him and then he is either given meds, an appt, or has a test authorised or whatever. The doctor's surgery is used to people's partner's contacting them on their behalf - there is space on our doctor's surgery's electronic form to identify if you are filling the form out for someone else. I also ask my hubby first though - no for privacy as my hubby doesnt mind - but I don't want to waste the doctor's time him or her calling my husband and my husband not knowing what they are talking about.

Could he be in denial hence the unwillingness to talk about illness perhaps

YABU for even thinking it would make a difference, in my experience doctors don't have time to read a patients entire medical notes before an appointment. The best they do is glance at current conditions and the reason you last came into surgery. Your best bet is to talk to your husband before he goes in for appointments to try and get him to mention it each time he goes in with something suspicious (but not for every day stuff like a rash etc).

Maybe your DH could find out if any relatives ever had genetic screening.