AIBU to tell Doctor about DH's family medical history?

[Kateguide]

Hello I was hoping that someone may have been in a similar position or work in a GPs surgery and able to give me practical advice.

Myself and DH are both in our 40s and healthy, haven't had the need to go and see our Dr about anything in at least 2 years.

In the last year, 2 of DH's relatives (mum and uncle) have died from cancer. His uncle 4 weeks after diagnosis with pancreatic cancer; his mum after a long horrid battle - lung, breast, liver and bone - it was awful, she was 65 (her twin sister died of breast cancer at 55).

Through these tragic deaths it transpired that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, on MIL side of the family has died from cancer going back quite a few generations. I really want this on my DH medical notes. If he ever goes into the Dr with an ache or pain, I want them to see how prevalent cancer is on his mother's side of the family.

DH has been pretty laid back and when he goes to the Dr it's usually me pushing him through the door. If he was to tell the Dr, I am sure he would 'play it down' in a typically British way.

Am I able to ring up the Dr or surgery and ask them to put this information in his notes? Any advice on this would be deeply appreciated.

[quote Kateguide]**@MonkeyPuddle* @SendMeHome* - thanks this is what I was after. Maybe I should just go to the Dr with him the next he needs to go?[/quote]
It sounds as if your anxiety and concern are tipping over into being controlling. He is an adult, who has every right to ignore his health and refuse life saving treatment if he chooses. I know it’s very hard when every instinct is to love and protect but you really need to step back here. The only person you need to inform is him. It really is up to him to figure out what he wants to do with it.

@Kateguide that would be up to your DP and currently at our surgery we don’t have patients relatives in consultations unless absolutely necessary, such as a parent and child or cognitive impairment amongst other reasons.

Bad idea. Also you are not his mummy, he is a grown man and can make his own decisions regarding his own health. I also don't believe GP will do anything at all with this information and hopefully won't put anything on his notes based on 3rd party request

OK this is how I think it would go:
GP - do you have any history of cancer in your family?
DH - Yes, my mum had it.
GP - how old was she?
DH - late 50s
GP - what sort?
DH - breast, lung bone & liver

And that would be it - he wouldn't mention his aunt & uncle or grandparents & great grandparents.
I am hoping the GP might probe further but my husband has always downplayed health which I find frustrating

I basically just don't want my husband to end up like his mum and uncle - work hard all his life and die less than a year into retirement.

I don't think doctors even look at notes anymore.

And they are never open now anyway, so I'd forget the idea of trying to tell them- they will not take any notice.

I have taken onboard what the majority have said and I will ask him to tell the GP next time he's in.
I would never do anything behind his back. I just don't want early signs / symptoms to be dismissed because of his age and if he has the high prevalence of cancer in his family in his notes we can't do anything more.

Yes drs do look at notes ! And my surgery is open all day every day, seeing patients all day evey day as we have been throughout covid thanks...

You could write it out and give it to him when he next goes to the Dr to give them or HE could send it. Yes it is his medical information not yours to give. but it could be very relevant and useful.

Can you afford to have gene profiling for known cancer-causing genes?

Would the doctor even be interested.
I told mine about a genetic condition, he wasn't bothered.
As it's not your business doubt they'll even engage about somebody else's medical information.

I wouldn’t recommend finding out BRCA info without the counselling that is part of the NHS process. I would want my DH to find out though because it’s 50/50 on whether it gets passed on to children.

BRCA gene affects men too, prostate cancer, pancreatic cancer, breast cancer. Knowing would bring either options or a tick in the it’s not that box.

persuade him to have a PSA test even privately & get him to do checks for lumps on him accessories & his chest - men's BRCA mutation usually means an increase in prostate cancer at a younger age. (dh family) BUT cancer can also be caused by lifestyle, work (farmers & organophosphates & sheep dips, & car mechanics use to get more bladder cancer etc etc)
& check your own breasts - in front of him or talk about it because it was mentioned on mn (naturally) & how it was discussed that men can get these things but the treatment is simpler & effective if caught early (actually when I nursed years ago I came across a man who had had a mastectomy years before)
symptoms of prostate cancer (or benign large prostate) is increased urine & difficulty emptying & occasionally blood in urine
If its

Absolutely a dr would be interested in the it us potentially very significant.

In this it is....

He thinks I am over reacting (which maybe I am,

I think he has his head in the sand and is in denial.

For all those who say men are adults: denial is a macho thing -please note that married men (or those in relationships) have better survival - probably because of nagging wives.
I think woman are so governed by our biology we land up see clinicians & are nor embarrassed by it/them ( for contraception, pregnancy & birth & for dc)

@MonkeyPuddle: I am interested that you say that you can't add third party notes without the patient's consent. A friend of mine (herself a HCP) discovered by chance that her husband had spoken to her GP practice without her knowledge or consent, with the result that her records indicated (wrongly) that she was suffering from severe mental health issues and was potentially incapable of caring for her children.

It was all part of his abuse of her and was eventually corrected by the surgery (who were amazing at supporting her once they realised the abuse), but it does go to show that just because it shouldn't happen sadly doesn't mean that it doesn't.

@BathTangle god your poor friend. Hope she’s ok and free from all that, must have been horrific. Slightly different for your friend though as the allegation from her husband was regarding a safeguarding concern, so we would have record that, but we would add it on as ‘received from 3rd party’ so that it could be escalated to safeguarding team.

There's a lot of cancer in DH's dad's side. People also tending to die in their 50s/60s. It never occurred to me he should tell the GP.

There's such a thing as 'over diagnosis' that is worth avoiding, too.

his mum after a long horrid battle - lung, breast, liver and bone

Did you MIL have four different cancers or did she have breast cancer that spread to the lungs, liver and bone (i.e. one cancer)? I appreciate either is awful but having four different cancers is very different to having one cancer that has spread in terms of susceptibility, genetics etc.

I don’t know of your in-laws medical history but if a lot of them were smokers/passive smokers then their cancer risk would be massive compared with your husband who maybe a non-smoker living in a household of non-smokers.

None of dhs dad's side have love6d past 62. They have all died as a result of complications from heart disease. I have told dh to mention it to his drs countless times. Like your dh he is always reluctant to see a gp unless I force him. I can understand your concern but he is an adult and what he shares with his gp is confidential and ultimately none of your business. I understand wholeheartedly that your concerns come from a good place.

Discuss it with your partner if you're concerned - but he is an adult, it's up to him.
Rushing off to tell his GP, regardless of whether or not they take any notice, is hugely controlling and infantilising - do you not regard your DH as an equal?

@Sceptre86 - thank you

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay I would never do anything behind his back, of course he is my equal, he is just crap at (proactively) managing his own health and always plays it down - have you read my post about almost losing an eye because he thought it was 'just flu'

@mumwon yes, I think you are onto something there, married men do live longer than single men. I had never thought of having tests done, I guess it would depend on whether he is keen and the cost.

@noworklifebalance they think breast came first, but it was a rare form - she had to see an endocrinologist alot. The lung cancer was definitely a different 'strain' of cancer then it was liver then bone. They were mostworried about the liver one for some reason. MIL did not smoke and hardly ever drank - her husband the same

You can't go behind your DH back.however you can sit him down and tell him how worried you are and beg DH to inform GP so notes can be updated. I know if I asked my DH he would do it for me.