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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

If you think your neighbour makes vexatious complaints is there a way to log it to protect yourself?

40 replies

thepeopleversuswork · 11/02/2021 14:52

Have posted about this before on more than occasion, primarily this thread; www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3611051-To-think-if-this-bothers-her-that-much-she-should-pay-to-get-it-sorted-herself.

So sorry if this is groundhog day.

Essentially the woman who lives upstairs from has it in for me. Over the past three years she's made an endless series of complaints about me for incredibly trivial things. This culminated in her taking me to environmental health (as per the above) about a noise from my plumbing, complete with threats of legal action. She said I was responsible for paying to fix an irritating noise in the plumbing when her taps were turned on and off. A long saga ensued involving various plumbers and plumbing diagnostics people being called and ultimately the complaint to environmental health, who found in my favour and she backed down in the end -- we split the cost of the fix but they told her she had wasted their time.

Before all this she would text me on a daily basis with a constant stream of minor complaints about everything: my bins (a stray empty bin liner in her wheelie bin etc), asking me not to use my hairdryer after 10pm, not to have barbecues or use my washing machine too loudly on weekend evening etc etc. Everything she could possibly come up with she has complained about.

I'm not perfect but I'm a pretty considerate, law-abiding middle aged woman. I am by no stretch a nuisance neighbour: never play loud music or TV, I don't shout, I'm usually in bed by 11pm, I don't litter or flytip the back or front garden. I do, however, have a 10 year old DD who sometimes makes noise as 10 year olds do.

Latest thing is she has complained to the freeholder of my property and management company about our closing the front door too loudly. There's been no slamming or anything, she just doesn't like the noise it makes and has said it is causing her "distress". A couple of weeks ago I discovered her photographing my bins. And so it goes on.

Clearly she is someone is bored and neurotic and who gets off on making complaints and likes control over other people. I have long since given up trying to have a good relationship but have absolutely no wish to start a fight with her, I am increasingly exhausted by it and just want to be left alone, frankly. But I am increasingly feeling that I need to keep a record of this sort of thing because I need to protect myself in the event that she goes absolutely nuclear about something.

Is it worth going to the police about this? Is there another way to keep a log of stuff like this when its clearly not worth making a fuss about but just to show a pattern of behaviour? Has anyone else successfully dealt with this? I know long term the answer is probably to move but for various reasons that's not possible right now.

OP posts:
MrsHusky · 11/02/2021 15:04

yep, buy a diary, log EVERY single incident, keep letters, take photo's etc.

Complain to your housing manager or whoever about her harassing you, and yes, you can complain to the police about it too.

Toomanyradishes · 11/02/2021 15:19

You could complain to the freeholder about her harrassment, you have the outcome from environmental health to back you up

thepeopleversuswork · 11/02/2021 15:20

MrsHusky

Thanks. I have kept all her emails etc (some of which are fairly threatening).

OP posts:
suspiria777 · 11/02/2021 15:56

Is there another way to keep a log of stuff like this when its clearly not worth making a fuss about but just to show a pattern of behaviour?

Yes, with a pen and paper.

DonLewis · 11/02/2021 16:02

You are being harassed. Call the police non emergency and ask them about it.

I'd also write to her telling her to stop contacting you. And to the freeholder to tell them that she's harassing you, that you're taking legal advice and that you've written to her to tell her to stop contacting you. Block her email address and phone number.

And log, in a diary every time she tries to harass you.

Sounds awful.

Adamandtheaunts · 11/02/2021 16:04

It's harassment. Citizens advice have a page in this here

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/taking-action-about-discrimination/taking-action-about-harassment/

Adamandtheaunts · 11/02/2021 16:06

Also, do you both rent or own? Either way, I'd be considering moving. She's not going to get better.

thepeopleversuswork · 11/02/2021 16:22

Adamandtheaunts that’s helpful, thanks.

I have wondered about going to the police but this sort of escalation might aggravate her: it would presumably require them having to pay her a visit etc and would make things even more uncomfortable afterwards. She seems petty and vengeful.

I own. I do need to move and not just because of this but for various legal and financial reasons that can’t take place for another few months.

OP posts:
heartcurrent1 · 11/02/2021 16:27

I'd call 101 and log a harassment claim she sounds like a nightmare.

Time40 · 11/02/2021 16:32

OP, I think if you make it official, then you are obliged to disclose that you have a neighbour dispute when selling. If you're going to move soon, it might be better to say nothing.

torquewench · 11/02/2021 16:33

Is there a local neighbourhood policing team where you are? Have a word with them. She's harassing you. Have you had a direct word with her telling her to stop harassing you? Youre doing nothing illegal and if it bothers her, she shouldnt be living in a flat. Also, sometimes letting people like her know you arent a pushover works wonders.

thepeopleversuswork · 11/02/2021 16:34

heartcurrent

Can you log a harassment claim without bringing the full force of the Old Bill down on her though? I imagine it would be really hard to live with it if that happened... I would never hear the end of it...

OP posts:
thepeopleversuswork · 11/02/2021 16:35

Time40 that’s another thing that concerns me. I wouldn’t put it past her to do something out of pure spite to damage a sale process.

OP posts:
im5050 · 11/02/2021 16:37

Log everything with 101
We had a huge issue with a neighbour and eventually she ended up in Crown Court on several serious charges .
Because we had logged everything over 8 years and even though it was probably only 3-4 incidents each year the police and CPS used this as evidence of on going harrassment .
When she tried to say we did the same they asked if she had ever reported anything and she had never made a single complaint .😂

It ended up with her losing her HA flat due to the sentence she was given.

So it’s definitely worth making reports
Oh and the police never visited her . We asked it just to be logged as we knew if the police visited her it would have made her 100 times worse

thepeopleversuswork · 11/02/2021 16:40

Thanks

OP posts:
im5050 · 11/02/2021 16:40

Oh and she lost her house during covid
landlords are still allowed to evict if a persons been convicted of anti social behaviour even during Covid
She had no children or dependents living with her and had a HA flat and no one on the tenancy either so they evicted her .
It’s lovely and quiet now

vintageyoda · 11/02/2021 16:41

This is harassment, plain and simple. What a crappy thing to be happening to you.
Too right, log it all! That is the first thing a solicitor will tell you. Have you thought about calling the citizen's advice bureau? They may have some advice.
This will not be dealt with quickly, it will take a while. The most you can probably hope for is for her to be warned off. But do it, you deserve for your home to be a place where you and your dd can relax and be happy, this woman mustn't spoil that for you.

im5050 · 11/02/2021 16:43

Is she private or social housing
If social housing then it’s definitely worth logging everything with 101
Social housing can and do evict Tenants for anti social behaviour but you need to have a fair amount of evidence
Because our case ended up in court we had lots of evidence of what she was like

addicted2spaniels · 11/02/2021 16:46

It's harrassment.

You need to go to the Police about it, so it's official and keep a diary with every incident on it.

And block every way she has of contacting you.

Apollo440 · 11/02/2021 16:46

If you are going to sell in the near future you may not want to start dispute proceedings as this will have to be revealed to any buyer.
Feel free to start a log though but if you can tolerate it a bit longer it may be for the best.

im5050 · 11/02/2021 16:51

Honesty having read your opening post
Your neighbour sounds like my ex neighbour
She fixated on my DH mainly and even if she saw him taking to another neighbour she would go bat shit crazy telling him to stop talking in the street
People like that you can’t reason with
People like this rarely give up only get worse as everything you do pisses them off
Covid and all the restrictions make them worse so they see everything as your fault

My advice Get your complaint in first
Get CCTV or Ring doorbell and know exactly where the cctv covers you so if she approaches you in the street you have it covered
I have an indefinite restraining order on my neighbour even though she no longer lives in my street

LemonViolet · 11/02/2021 17:16

The disclosure of disputes isn’t only if there has been official action, there’s also a question about whether you aware of anything that could lead to a dispute or complaint. So honestly you’re already down that road, I wouldn’t personally let that stop you making any report you think appropriate because I think you already have something to declare there.

torquewench · 11/02/2021 17:24

She sounds almost as batshit as one of my neighbours (from 5 doors down, who isn't neighbourly in that shes never even said hello when I walk past her in the street etc. and called me a miserable cow one day when I drove past her after waiting for her to get out of my way whilst she was standing in the middle of the road looking at her van and hadnt even realised I was there). She kept knocking on my door and complaining that my cat was "picking on" hers and I need to stop it. I told her I'd have a stern word with DCat, told her not to bother me again (and she hasn't) and slammed the door on her. Interestingly her cat regularly swipes at another neighbours' dog when its being walked past her house but she's not done anything about that behaviour ...

MeanMrMustardSeed · 11/02/2021 17:29

OP if you’re planning on moving soon don’t do anything official and don’t contact the police. You will have to declare that on the selling forms and a prospective buyer could easily pull out because of it. It might be worth keeping a diary of things so you can rebut anything down the line, but if you’re this close to moving there is no way I’d compromise anything.

Bluntness100 · 11/02/2021 17:29

I have found a way to deal with it, I’m not sure if it will work for you. I give the same complaint back.

Your door is being shout too loudly.

Oh I was about to knock and say the same to you, can you keep it down, it’s really disturbing us.

Your bins are x

God I was about to say the same to you, you need to be more careful

Your washing machine is so loud

Oh that’s interesting I was about to knock and ask about your machine, it’s really causing disturbance issues

First few times it’s met with shock. Then the complaints stop.

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