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To think if this bothers her that much she should pay to get it sorted herself?

(174 Posts)
thepeopleversuswork Wed 12-Jun-19 21:40:58

Neighbour, with whom I share freehold of flat, is, to put it mildly, a bit on the controlling side. I'm trying to be as objective as possible here as she may have a point but I think some of this is useful context. She sends me a lot of requests/demands about how I should manage my life and my property. Sends me several messages a week complaining about various issues to do with my bins - some valid some less so (I did have some leftover decorating rubbish in the garden which I can see was an eyesore for a couple of weeks and she was very assiduous in pestering me to deal with that. It's now been dealt with). But she notices every time a stray binbag finds its way into her wheelie bin and I am always blamed for it and asked to drop everything to deal with it even if its nothing to do with me. She has asked me not to use my hairdryer after 10pm. She's always giving me unsolicited advice about which locks to install on my windows. She's asked me to make less noise when I close my front door. That kind of thing.

So the latest thing is that she is bothered by the noise that is generated when my hot tap is turned on and off. I have the same issue when she turns hers on and off. It's the kind of fairly routine ambient boiler nose which you hear in pipes in people's houses. Frankly I couldn't care less about it.

Last week she sent me a text saying the noise was causing her stress and would I get a plumber in to look at it. I called a plumber out today. Plumber looked at it, went and had a look in her loft where the shared water pipes for both flats are, turned taps on and off and fiddled with things and eventually concluded that the problem was with her boiler and it was up to her to sort it out.

She promptly sent me a text saying my plumber didn't know what he was talking about and that she had separately taken advice and done a lot of research and concluded that some appliance needs to be added to the pipes in the loft to stop them making the noise and would I share the cost of getting this appliance fitted. Having spent over £100 calling out a plumber who definitely told her it was her problem and not mine, I'm not massively inclined to do this. I've told her I'll get an independent third opinion on it when I have a chance (I have a lot going on in my professional and private life and don't really have time for this) and she's now come back and said she needs it dealt with by a certain date and she'll book the plumber etc.

My feeling is that if she's sufficiently bothered by a bit of noise in the pipes it should be her responsibility to get it fixed. If we discover there's a structural problem which could lead to damage I'm happy to deal with it. But at the moment I feel I'm being railroaded into paying for her to deal with one of her numerous neuroses and I need to push back. AIBU?

msmith501 Wed 12-Jun-19 21:43:17

Why not just ignore her and her texts? Sounds like you're enabling her behaviour by being too reasonable.

creamofcarnation Wed 12-Jun-19 21:44:17

Ignore her, stop pandering to her nonsense

dontticklethetoad Wed 12-Jun-19 21:45:02

YANBU. I don't know how you can cope with living next to that.

7yo7yo Wed 12-Jun-19 21:45:05

Tell her no.
Tell her no every single time.
Don’t pay for shit.

Butterymuffin Wed 12-Jun-19 21:46:10

Just tell her no thanks, you're happy with your plumber's advice and if she wants to do this other thing that's down to her. I would then stop replying altogether.

thepeopleversuswork Wed 12-Jun-19 21:46:25

msmith501 I'd love to ignore her and her texts. Since you put it like that smile

thepeopleversuswork Wed 12-Jun-19 21:48:23

Thanks everyone. I was starting to wonder if I was just being really stubborn.

Outnotdown Wed 12-Jun-19 21:49:05

You have the patience of a saint. Push back.

pictish Wed 12-Jun-19 21:51:37

Let’s call her Helen, say.
Text, “Helen, fuck off will you?”

Treaclesweet Wed 12-Jun-19 21:51:45

I would entirely stop engaging with her. She sounds neurotic and bored, when this is done with it will be something else until you are sneaking around your own home in fear! YANBU

SquishySquirmy Wed 12-Jun-19 21:52:06

I would briefly and clear explain that you WON'T be paying for that.
Then ignore. If she wants to carry on and pay for it, that's up to her but make sure there is absolutely no ambiguity over your involvement, or she will take your silence as a promise to pay! She sounds a right pain the arse.

Campurp Wed 12-Jun-19 21:55:34

I always take issue when people try to spend my money for you. Be frank and tell her that the issue is not bothering you and you will not be spending your money on this matter at this time. If she insists just ignore her. Rude!

DoctorDread Wed 12-Jun-19 21:56:10

"Helen? Fuck off will you?" 😂

Ohyesiam Wed 12-Jun-19 21:59:28

You do know you can block numbers on your phone right?
Imagine..... no more crazy texts

Youngandfree Wed 12-Jun-19 22:00:11

“No” is a sentence
And to be honest I would change my number or block her!

pictish Wed 12-Jun-19 22:00:58

“It doesn’t bother me at all so it’s a no from me on this one.”

toriathet Wed 12-Jun-19 22:02:55

your first step is put her number on a call blocker and if she appraches you to moan reply "yeah yeah havent time for this now goodbye" and walk away or in

i would have taken 2 texts before i responded with a f off get a life

pictish Wed 12-Jun-19 22:10:19

I also think you’ve been too patient with her shite. I’m all for good neighbourly relations and all that but she’d have shredded my last one and told to piss off long ago.

I had a moany, petty neighbour once and grew tired of him quickly. He came down to complain about newborn ds crying at 6pm. After one or two similar complaints (one about my friend laughing in my back garden), I told him to phone environmental health about the noise and waste their time instead of wasting mine.He never spoke to me again. It was brilliant.

Mumto123monkeys Wed 12-Jun-19 22:13:06

She’s the one the problem, and she’s making it your problem. Definitely ignore her....then turn your hot tap on and off...lots. And sneak a few takeaway cartons in her bin grin

gottastopeatingchocolate Wed 12-Jun-19 22:13:36

I would, under normal circumstances, be in the "ignore" team... BUT...

I know someone who operates in a similar way. Ignoring the last message would result in her going ahead and then demanding half of whatever it costs to do whatever she feels needs doing.

So I would not ignore this one, but simply state that you have made your position clear but that if she wants to go ahead at her own expense, that's up to her.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Wed 12-Jun-19 22:15:08

Don’t pay for a 3rd opinion. She’s bonkers.

category12 Wed 12-Jun-19 22:15:11

You need to tell her you're not willing to pay for this, as otherwise she's going to take advantage of your non-committal response, get it done and present you with the bill. And then it'll get nasty if you refuse to pay.

She's one of those people who will pick and pick, you'll never please her, so while you should try to be neighbourly and accommodate where necessary, there's no benefit in putting yourself out excessively.

GabsAlot Wed 12-Jun-19 22:15:44

Did she actually get a plumber in and if so why didnt he call round to you aswell-get your plumber to come and talk to her if she doesnt beilive you and ask what plumber she used

whyohwhyowhydididoit Wed 12-Jun-19 22:16:38

Tell her no, having heard what the plumber has to say you are happy with the way things are and don’t intend to spend any more time or money on it. As well as the text put it in writing.

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