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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not appreciate OH parents coming round now?!

88 replies

mrshunterr · 10/02/2021 11:58

I'm working 2-11 today MIL and FIL are going to view a house round the corner form us, so are popping in after. I'm going to be working upstairs all day so I won't see them anyway. But when OH goes to to pick DS up they will just be sat downstairs.

They are our support bubble and have the kids most weekends when we're both working. OH is running round like a headless chicken now because he's been sat on his phone all morning now his mummy and daddy are coming he wants the house spotless putting unnecessary stress on me as well.

AIBU? I feel like I'm being rude sitting up stairs but I can't just come down when I'm busy.

OP posts:
Krampusnolongerbabysits · 10/02/2021 14:10

In most cases, it was never customary for inlaws or people in general to pop into your place of work, so this is no different. You are at work, so you need to stay at your desk. This kind of thinking needs to be nipped in the bud. I have always worked from home or in my own workshop, so have always stopped people dropping in during my working hours.

VinylDetective · 10/02/2021 14:10

@Bluetrews25

Are the PILs potentially moving to a house around the corner? Are you ok with that, OP? Confused
How’s she going to stop them? 🙄
Blondeshavemorefun · 10/02/2021 14:11

Tech they shouldn’t be popping in to say hello

That isn’t allowed

If they do childcare as the bubble then it’s for kids. Not adults to mix

FuckyouCovid21 · 10/02/2021 14:13

Well if they know you are working and your DP and kids are out, can't you/he just tell them there's no point popping in as you're working and they won't be there?

ThatDoesntBelongInAIBU · 10/02/2021 14:19

I guess you don’t resent and dislike them the days they're providing free childcare enabling you to get on with your work?

FuckyouCovid21 · 10/02/2021 14:29

@ThatDoesntBelongInAIBU

I guess you don’t resent and dislike them the days they're providing free childcare enabling you to get on with your work?
What a nasty post
donewithitalltodayandxmas · 10/02/2021 14:29

You are in a childcare bubble for use of childcare a, adults are not supposed to really mix , otherwise we could all create one , its for a purpose
But that being said your working do you can't see them

RootyT00t · 10/02/2021 14:30

@Bluetrews25

Are the PILs potentially moving to a house around the corner? Are you ok with that, OP? Confused
I would imagine so seeing as she finds it OK for them to have her kids every weekend.
RootyT00t · 10/02/2021 14:31

@ThatDoesntBelongInAIBU

I guess you don’t resent and dislike them the days they're providing free childcare enabling you to get on with your work?
I don't think this is nasty at all. I think it's bang on and PPs posts are the nasty ones.
Imloosingmyshit · 10/02/2021 14:34

How can they view a house in lockdown? Thought it was all online? Anyway, you can nip down for two seconds and say hi, I’m here, I’m working, hope you’re well, and get back to it. Let dh clean the house.

ShipshapeShore · 10/02/2021 14:35

I was giving the OP a get out, but yeah raise your eyebrows.

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 10/02/2021 14:37

I know of several people abusing the childcare rules and one I know uses it for social mixing with her parents , despite 5 of them
From the three households being out at work and them also being someone who criticises anyone else that breaks the rules , they think childcare means they can all mix as and when they want whilst the rest of us sit at home not seeing family for months

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/02/2021 14:49

@Imloosingmyshit

How can they view a house in lockdown? Thought it was all online? Anyway, you can nip down for two seconds and say hi, I’m here, I’m working, hope you’re well, and get back to it. Let dh clean the house.
You can. My friend is an estate agent

Agent goes to house. Seller goes out. Opens windows and doors.

Buyers Come abs look with masks and gloves

Tho op do you really want them that close

diddl · 10/02/2021 15:12

Sounds as if it's the husband causing the stress.

You are working, Op, say hello or not as you see fit.

Your husband wants to see them/have the house clean for them.

He sorts that out.

None of it needs to involve you at all or any more than you wish.

VinylDetective · 10/02/2021 15:15

Tho op do you really want them that close

She hasn’t got any choice, has she? People can live wherever they like.

LittleOwl153 · 10/02/2021 15:30

I think therebare two issues:

1 the husband is trying to make OP use the couple of hours before work to clear up to his/mil standards when this wasn't necessary otherwise. But he's now stressing as he has wasted time on his phone so trying to get OP to give up her time to assist in the panic.

  1. OP doesn't want them sat downstairs whilst she is working amd her husband is out, as this makes her uncomfortable for whatever reason. That largely depends on your relationship with the inlaws I guess. She has stated shebcannt take breaks when she wants so cannot 'pop in and say hello.

Anyway as OP is now working and husband has presumably gone to get the kid it is all a bit academic. Though OP I can see why you are frustrated.

justcannotwithyou · 10/02/2021 15:50

@VinylDetective

Tho op do you really want them that close

She hasn’t got any choice, has she? People can live wherever they like.

The point a couple of people are making is that it rarely ends well having family that close. It ends up with impromptu visits, often at very inconvenient times and then upset when told it's not convenient and intrusive questions such as "who did that car belong to I saw on your drive yesterday?" and "been a while since you cut your lawn now, hasn't it?" A lot of people don't want that. If my parents or PIL said they were moving that close to us we would both say that of course they can, but we will then move, so if the move is to be super close to us so that they can just pop in as they please and keep an eye on what we are up to (which lets be honest, it usually is) then they probably shouldn't bother.
Livpool · 10/02/2021 16:08

Agreed @yvanka

LadyCatStark · 10/02/2021 16:17
  1. They’re not your support bubble as you are both 2 adult households.
  1. They’ll have just been in someone else’s house and presumably your DS will have just been at school or nursery and then you’re going to be mixing together. That’s far too much mixing for one day.
  1. Your DH will just have to say he’s sorry but you are upstairs working and you can’t get away.
DarceyDashwood · 10/02/2021 16:23

I mean as you clear don’t believe that Covid guidelines apply to you and are happy breaking them I’m not sure why you’re bothered about asking other people’s opinion about this. Just crack on and do whatever you want 🤷‍♀️

RedskyBynight · 10/02/2021 16:24

As OP hasn't come back to clarify, it's possibly that her support bubble is legit - she might have a baby under 1, or disabled child under 5.

MacDuffsMuff · 10/02/2021 16:26

@BarbaraofSeville

NO the virus is not selective which is why we should be keeping contacts to an absolute minimum. It can and will transmit during childcare, so if the child care isn't necessary, don't have the contact

And if the childcare is necessary, keep contact to a minimum, ie don't sit around chatting before and after handing over DC. Don't kiss and hug hello and goodbye. Don't hand out refreshments.

Childcare bubbles were introduced to allow working parents to continue to work. Not to facilitate people visiting friends and relatives as normal 'but its OK because we're a bubble'.

So many people really don't want to hear this do they. It just doesn't suit them.
saraclara · 10/02/2021 16:38

@MaLarkinn

Your in laws who mind your kids every weekend are popping in as they'll be around the corner and you're going to stay upstairs and ignore them.

That's actually batshit.

Honestly, who in the real world goes on like that.

How fucking rude.

She's at work. She wouldn't pop in to see them when they visit her house if she was at the office. So no, she is not being unreasonable to focus on her job, which she is actually being paid to do.

It's not rude at all.

VinylDetective · 10/02/2021 16:51

Wow, ,that’s some projection @justcannotwithyou! Good thing my parents didn’t go through that thought process when we moved near them to look after them!

notdaddycool · 10/02/2021 17:02

Expected to say YANBU, but YABU, they are part of your support bubble, you are legally one househould for COVID, they are helping you out but you area repaying this way. Pop down for a cuppa when he goes to collect the kids.

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