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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have initially been mortified but now a bit annoyed by call from school?

927 replies

8bitgame · 10/02/2021 11:22

I've named changed for this as it will be outing.

DS is 9. He is home schooling with lessons over Zoom.

This morning he had connection issues with Zoom - getting kicked out, camera freezing etc. I had to sign him back in a few times and he showed me that the video feed of his teacher kept freezing up and going very blocky. He commented that she looked like an 8 bit game - as in an old computer game where the graphics were pixel blocks.

About 30 minutes after his morning Zoom finished I get a call from the Head Teacher at the school. She is far from happy and it transpires that unbeknown to me DS had repeated his comment in the class discussion chat channel. He was saying he was having connection problems and then wrote "Miss X looks like an 8 bit game".

The teacher and then the Head have read this as him saying that Miss X looks like and 8 out of 10 and looks "a bit game".

I was mortified and explained this is of course not what he meant and that he was referring to the connection problems and the video feed being blocky and pixelated - like the graphics on an 8 bit game. Head was slightly mollified but still very stern and angry and I got a bit of a telling off. I apologised profusely and then had a chat with DS about not commenting on people's appearance and only using the group chat for stuff about work.

But now I've reflected I feel a bit put out as he hadn't really done anything wrong, he was commenting about his connection issues which were preventing him seeing the lesson and he's bloody 9 years old so who would read that in the way the school did??

AIBU to think it's a bit of a strange way to read that in that way and once they had the explanation maybe the tone could have changed a bit as he really hasn't done anything wrong?

I appreciate he could have found a better way to explain the connection issues and they might not be au fait with retro gaming but the only comms channel open to him was the chat feed he used and he's 9 so not always the best at explaining things.

When I told the Head he was having connection issues as were a lot of the class she said she didn't believe anyone else was (implying he was messing about and didn't have problems) WIBU to send a screenshot of the class discussion where several children were saying it had frozen and / or they had been kicked out and AIBU to think they've jumped to a bit of a conclusion here and gone a bit OTT especially by not backing down or changing the tone once it had been explained?

It feels like he's in a lot of trouble for something that is largely a misunderstanding on their part.

OP posts:
TenaciousOnePointOne · 10/02/2021 19:04

@lazylinguist

Your DS wasn’t adding anything productive to the chat

Yes, heaven forfend that any child should ever get away with uttering a single sentence lacking in productiveness during a lesson. Shock

Yes it’s frustrating and while you might not think it’s a big deal try having 30 kids doing it... I said the phone call was a overreaction but stand by the fact the op should deal with the smart mouth.

@Eckhart the first comment was fine to follow it up in a chat with his students was him playing the fool. The children playing the fool uncorrected are a major pain in the arse both in normal times and now. My DC tried to play the fool once (prior to live lessons) and I told him it was acceptable and deleted his comments.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 19:06

As someone prone to second guessing myself quite neurotically over whether I cause offence to people inadvertently in real life and in written communication, I really hope the DC in question doesn't develop this as a reaction to the whole thing. Unlikely I think because OP sounds eminently sensible and is defending him quite correctly. But it could impact his burgeoning communication skills and discourage interaction with authority figures through fear of blame, which would be a great shame, if he was a particularly sensitive child etc. Which is why teachers like this might need to learn a bit more about their reactions and how to examine a situation fully before jumping to conclusions.

Eckhart · 10/02/2021 19:08

What first comment, @TenaciousOnePointOne?

He only said one thing.

Solidaritea · 10/02/2021 19:12

@LateToTheParty

The only "scary" part of this is that a minimum of 3 adults at the school lacked the general knowledge or common sense to get to the bottom of the comment without overreacting, assuming it was a safeguarding issue and thinking so poorly of the OPs son.
It really, really isn't thinking poorly of a 9 year old. Children pick up things and it is not their fault. I have worked with children who say horrible, sexual things at too young an age. It is never their fault.

They were getting to the bottom of the issue by phoning parent. This is how potential safeguarding concerns are dealt with. The tone of the phone call sounds problematic, there's no doubt of that. But the phone call was the correct way to investigate if speaking to the child didnt clarify.

TenaciousOnePointOne · 10/02/2021 19:15

@Eckhart

What first comment, *@TenaciousOnePointOne*?

He only said one thing.

The first comment to op.
MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 19:16

It is thinking poorly of a child who had explained it was a gaming reference, because it implies he is lying, which was also suggested by the teacher saying that there weren't connection issues, which was backed up in the now deleted chat by other children. It smacks of adults who should know better painting themselves into a corner and refusing to back down.

FlatCheese · 10/02/2021 19:17

Good job he didn't mention Donkey Kong. They would have had a field day with that!

OP, I hope you get an acknowledgement that they made a mistake from the HT, but I suspect you won't.

TheVelvetiser · 10/02/2021 19:22

OO I would actually put in a Subject Access Request on behalf of your DS to ensure any written records reflect what your son actually said and meant, rather than the school's interpretation of his comment. This might sound OTT but I wouldn't want my son going up to senior school with any question marks of this kind hanging over him.

Timeflyin · 10/02/2021 19:22

@DreamingInColours

I think this is so funny and they should be the ones who are mortified. They took an innocent comment and made a mountain out of a mole hill. What a waste of everyone's time!
This!
ILoveYou3000 · 10/02/2021 19:23

the first comment was fine to follow it up in a chat with his students was him playing the fool. The children playing the fool uncorrected are a major pain in the arse both in normal times and now. My DC tried to play the fool once (prior to live lessons) and I told him it was acceptable and deleted his comments.

The first comment was to his mother, no one else heard. He then posted the same comment in the group chat to inform his teacher of the issues he was having. How is this playing the fool?

TenaciousOnePointOne · 10/02/2021 19:25

@ILoveYou3000

the first comment was fine to follow it up in a chat with his students was him playing the fool. The children playing the fool uncorrected are a major pain in the arse both in normal times and now. My DC tried to play the fool once (prior to live lessons) and I told him it was acceptable and deleted his comments.

The first comment was to his mother, no one else heard. He then posted the same comment in the group chat to inform his teacher of the issues he was having. How is this playing the fool?

Why do you think he made the comment to his friends? Honestly? He was playing class clown.
MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 19:26

Is there such a thing as "cheeky font" in these chats?

ILoveYou3000 · 10/02/2021 19:27

Why do you think he made the comment to his friends? Honestly? He was playing class clown.

How else was he supposed to let his teacher know he was experiencing technical difficulties?

MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 19:29

Apparently saying Miss you're pixellated is less problematic.....Hmm

MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 19:31

Aimed at deliberately missing the point posters not you @ILoveYou3000.....

And perfectly illustrating an earlier post I made ironically enough Grin

SamLovesLembasBread · 10/02/2021 19:32

A gentle scold for playing class clown and potentially distracting other students from their work would've been okay, as long as they've explained that the chat isn't for fun and games, but the fact is that they over-reacted because the joke flew right over their heads. They then refused to admit they were wrong and laugh it off, which would've been the appropriate response. They either didn't understand / believe OP's explanation or they couldn't bear to admit that they'd made a mistake.

Crackerofdoom · 10/02/2021 19:34

There is a lot of whatabouttery on this thread.

The school made a phone call to the OP on the basis of her DS making sexual comments about his teacher in the class chat.

This is clearly not what happened and was clarified by both the child and his mother.

This idea that in order to be protected from false allegations a child's behaviour has to be absolutely perfect is victim blaming.

He did not do what they accused him of and they have handled it badly. You cannot mitigate their poor judgement by pointing out that he may be guilty of a far less significant infraction.

It's like falsely accusing someone of murder and when it turns out to be baseless, justify yourself by pointing out that they did have an outstanding parking ticket, so they are guilty of something.

ravenmum · 10/02/2021 19:34

I don't get why people think it was a joke or he was playing the fool? Am I missing something?

SamLovesLembasBread · 10/02/2021 19:36

There’s an element of ‘boys will be boys’ to this thread which is depressing.

...Vintage game nerds will be vintage game nerds, perhaps?

The OP's son's comment had nothing whatsoever to do with the teacher's physical appearance. Hmm Don't be ridiculous!

MistressoftheDarkSide · 10/02/2021 19:36

You're not alone @ravenmum

Child made observation not a joke as far as I can tell after 25 pages of careful reading.

Fembot123 · 10/02/2021 19:38

Where is the ‘Boys will be boys element’??

RedGoldAndGreene · 10/02/2021 19:38

Agree it sounds like a description and not a joke.

ravenmum · 10/02/2021 19:38

@Crackerofdoom

There is a lot of whatabouttery on this thread.

The school made a phone call to the OP on the basis of her DS making sexual comments about his teacher in the class chat.

This is clearly not what happened and was clarified by both the child and his mother.

This idea that in order to be protected from false allegations a child's behaviour has to be absolutely perfect is victim blaming.

He did not do what they accused him of and they have handled it badly. You cannot mitigate their poor judgement by pointing out that he may be guilty of a far less significant infraction.

It's like falsely accusing someone of murder and when it turns out to be baseless, justify yourself by pointing out that they did have an outstanding parking ticket, so they are guilty of something.

This is a good argument.
Solidaritea · 10/02/2021 19:40

@Crackerofdoom

There is a lot of whatabouttery on this thread.

The school made a phone call to the OP on the basis of her DS making sexual comments about his teacher in the class chat.

This is clearly not what happened and was clarified by both the child and his mother.

This idea that in order to be protected from false allegations a child's behaviour has to be absolutely perfect is victim blaming.

He did not do what they accused him of and they have handled it badly. You cannot mitigate their poor judgement by pointing out that he may be guilty of a far less significant infraction.

It's like falsely accusing someone of murder and when it turns out to be baseless, justify yourself by pointing out that they did have an outstanding parking ticket, so they are guilty of something.

Yes. This is very well put and puts words to my thoughts about variius responses here, as well as to the explanation of the call in the OP.

Serious issue was investigated. Found to be not an issue. Call should have been ended there, not continued and merged into a discussion of a minor issue.

ILoveYou3000 · 10/02/2021 19:41

@MistressoftheDarkSide and @ravenmum right there with you both. I have no idea what some people on this thread are reading.