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AIBU?

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Original poster

I'm in a spendemic and I need help

75 replies

prettyindarkblack · 09/02/2021 20:39

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I know that I obviously need to stop doing it but I just can't. I have bought at least one thing every single day for the past 2 months straight. I forgot what I ordered.

I realised I did in fact have a problem when a Chanel purse showed up I forgot I ordered. I am not rich, this isn't just any old thing to me.

I can afford it by using my savings, I earn a good salary, and I am not putting myself at risk of financial hardship. But I just cannot stop.
From ordering craft items to DNA testing my dog - anything I see, I buy. I just bought TWENTY SEVEN items on Mango.

I've been at home since March last year and I don't think I'll be back in the office until September/end of year. I am usually very frugal.

Is this happening with anyone else? The parcels arriving brought joy but now I feel numb. Help?

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 09/02/2021 20:52

Sounds like the beginnings of addiction, as your way of coping with current situation. Recognising its an issue is a good first step, could you talk to your gp, or look up some charity/volunteer service to talk it through if you feel you genuinely can't stop, even if you want to?

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 09/02/2021 20:59

@prettyindarkblack - which dog dna kit? (Hangs head in shame for missing the point completely!) 😂🤷🏻‍♀️😂🤷🏻‍♀️

Catscrat · 09/02/2021 20:59

I've definitely bought a lot online since Covid, but probably not spent more overall than I would if I were going to actual shops in normal times.

I think it's totally understandable to engage in behaviours that comfort us during a global pandemic, whether that's eating, drinking or, in your case buying. It does sound like your behaviour is bordering on addictive though. Do you feel like you have other outlets for negative emotions you might be feeling?

Nonamesavail · 09/02/2021 21:00

I realised I'd spent on amazon everyday. Delete the apps!

ItsNotAlrightButItsOkay · 09/02/2021 21:02

I'm a spendemic as well and now I'm feeling crap cos Christmas and my kids birthdays have passed, I am spending my money on take aways! Grr.

GloGirl · 09/02/2021 21:04

Yanbu but I don't know what to suggest. We're living through difficult times.

KeyboardWorriers · 09/02/2021 21:04

I realised today I was getting a parcel in the post and then immediately thinking of the next thing to buy. Nothing big but something little nearly every day.

Could you try cold turkey for a couple of weeks and see how that goes?

Or the suggestion in the article is good, note things you think you want on a list and then buy a couple at the end of the month?

Ireolu · 09/02/2021 21:06

I have been spending out of boredom too but on small things. Even my 4 year old daughter reminds me when Amazon turns up yet again. I manage this by saving as soon as pay comes in. Put money into our bills joint account. And i am very strict that what's left is what I am allowed to spend so no dipping into the savings. Prior to covid I did alot of walking around the shops. Didn't necessarily buy anything but I would spend 6-7 hours walking on Oxford Street browsing. I think I just do that now online...with none of the exercise and more money spent Confused

KeyboardWorriers · 09/02/2021 21:08

Diversion activities are also good - running, having a long bath, Painting your nails, anything that means you aren't browsing your phone for things to buy

Lovelydovey · 09/02/2021 21:12

Fill a basket and close the screen without checking out

Delete apps and unsubscribe from emails

Tidy and organise your home and realise how much stuff you already have

Move £10 to a savings account each day instead and watch it grow

Set yourself a maximum budget to spend each day/month and stick to it

Els1e · 09/02/2021 21:35

I realised my spending had shot up too lately and given that I’m working from home, I should be saving money. So for 2021, I am trying to only spend what is in my PayPal balance. I am selling stuff, been quite successful at this. Building up the balance and that is my budget to spend on other stuff. Not sure if I’m really tackling what is going on mentally but I’m feeling better about it.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 09/02/2021 21:36

At least youre recognising it now...

Could you go cold turkey? Delete your browsing history and apps (so no card details saved anywhere). Stick credit and debit cards in a tub of water and put in freezer; you can only defrost once a week for grocery shopping (and anything else you make a list of in the meantime).

Return as much as you can of the stuff you've already bought.

DNHandTNS · 09/02/2021 22:13

Do you like making things? You might have an addictive personality and need to read up about that?
I have a problem with ruminating and I've had therapy for it, but it didn't really help- so I find the best way to cope is staying busy. Maybe your shopping is filling a hole in your life, but if you don't want to be shopping maybe you could try taking up a new hobby instead? I've been reading about the new trend Cottage Core and how it's encouraging people to make things and find happiness in that.
It's pretty much how I am anyway, but I do make a lot of things so I don't think too much.

readingismycardio · 10/02/2021 05:34

Ohhhhhhh, this thread hit home, it's almost like I wrote it 🙈

Same as you, I can afford it, and no financial hardship, but it's starting to get on my nerves. Every single day I find myself thinking about what to buy next.

During lockdown I replaced my whole drawer of underwear, after I read that you're supposed to do so every 6 months.

I think I need to go cold turkey rather sooner than later 🙈

HereIAmOnceAgain · 10/02/2021 05:48

Not every day but I've been buying a lot more than normal most for DC. Home schooling end DC with SN has combined as a great excuse to stress shop. I've been through periods of this before when my stress was really high. It takes my mind off what the problem actually is.

M0nstermunch · 10/02/2021 06:00

I was spending too much online and decided to set myself a rule. Anything under £15 I can buy anything else I note it on my phone, date, item and price and these things I wait 30 days to buy. Its amazing how in 30 days I actually didnt want the item or had forgotten about it. If you still want it then it's ok to buy it.

It's working well so far and I have saved a lot. Also unfollowing a lot of shops on Facebook helped I'm trying not to buy any clothes or jewellery for 2021 as have so much I don't wear or use.

Retrogal · 10/02/2021 06:05

This has happened to me. One of my big triggers was sale emails.I'm a bit addicted to bargains and will buy it even though I don't need it. It's the big shiny discount!
So I've recently unsubscribed to as many shop emails as I can so I don't see it.

stackemhigh · 10/02/2021 06:47

I haven't been buying every day but at least once a week and when I don't have something on order, I feel a bit sad that there would be no parcel delivery that week.

Christmas sales time was bad, ordered lots but returned lots, and had to chase up Debenhams to refund me for many items, so there was the added stress of managing what had been returned and how much I should be refunded.

peak2021 · 10/02/2021 06:54

Don't buy today. Probably try one day at a time.

ZooeyS · 10/02/2021 06:56

I think a lot of people are doing this. One gets the dopamine hit of buying something and then the excitement of it actually arriving. Not that a parcel arriving would normally be classed as exciting but gestures vaguely around at everything

I’ve started keeping a list on my phone of things I quite fancy and I’ll look for them online every day or two but not buy them. And then sometimes I do buy them, I’m not a monster, but I am finding the browsing for them is almost as much fun as the buying Confused

OldGreyBoots · 10/02/2021 07:00

Same here - January sales, then DP, DM, and best friend's birthdays to buy for, I've gotten into the habit of buying and there were definitely a couple of weeks where I bought stuff every night while I couldn't sleep Shock
In my case, I told myself "wait until morning" and that was enough delay to make me rethink sometimes and break the habit a little. Also telling someone when I was thinking of buying something to make me feel accountable in some way, if it's not a secret spend it made it seem more real somehow!
I'm still buying more than usual, trying to make occasions like valentines day 'more special' by buying stuff to compensate for not being able to do normal things.
I hope things get better soon OP, don't beat yourself up, you've recognised it pretty early and you're not in debt. I wish you luck Smile

SinkGirl · 10/02/2021 07:02

You say you bought craft stuff? What do you make?

Making stuff has been my salvation recently. Pick something that’s a challenge for you so it’s not boring. Any time you want to go shopping, pick up your project instead. You still need to buy materials of course so that’s what I spend on, but then have weeks of making something before I need to order more.

LouisLitt · 10/02/2021 07:57

Unsubscribe from all the emails tempting you and delete any apps and saved card details

TwirpingBird · 10/02/2021 08:05

I think many of us are falling inti the trap of trying to shop to make us feel happier. We arent doing much else that makes us happy. I was falling it I this too, although with cheaper items. I realised last month that my bank statement was just full of amazon. Now that I have become more aware of it I put my phone away upstairs in the evenings, I am doing my old hobbies like crochet and reading and watching nice things on netflix (i recommend the durrells).

It can be a real addiction, but have a serious think about what you did in the evenings pre pandemic and try make a conscious effort to either go back to that, or find something else for your hands to do. Or just buy one of those timed locked boxes and put your phone in it after dinner.

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