I'm in a spendemic and I need help

[prettyindarkblack]

I don't even know why I'm writing this. I know that I obviously need to stop doing it but I just can't. I have bought at least one thing every single day for the past 2 months straight. I forgot what I ordered.

I realised I did in fact have a problem when a Chanel purse showed up I forgot I ordered. I am not rich, this isn't just any old thing to me.

I can afford it by using my savings, I earn a good salary, and I am not putting myself at risk of financial hardship. But I just cannot stop.
From ordering craft items to DNA testing my dog - anything I see, I buy. I just bought TWENTY SEVEN items on Mango.

I've been at home since March last year and I don't think I'll be back in the office until September/end of year. I am usually very frugal.

Is this happening with anyone else? The parcels arriving brought joy but now I feel numb. Help?

I'm going to read this thread properly.

In short yes. I just started counselling and she said which problem do you want to start with. I said internet addiction aka browsing and spending.

As I was describing it she said how did it start, I found myself saying 'well it started small' then burst out laughing and I said I feel like I'm in Shoppers Anonymous and we both laughed.

I set myself some small actions- unsubscribing, returning items. Will discuss progress next week. I have also been keeping a diary which has made me realise I have more of a problem than I thought.

None of this existed before lockdown, and I don't want to take the problem with me when we get out of this.

I also realised a lot of it is marketing! The emails come after you buy from one place, ads pop up etc.

I need my inbox and social media to look really boring e.g. related to nature, animals and nothing to do with fashion! I do actually love fashion but a more fulfilling way of engaging would be getting a sewing machine and having a pop at making some simple things, I did sewing when I was younger.

I also told my counsellor I am likely to switch the addiction and she said this is common.

I will need to make the addiction something healthy like exercise lol.

The main reason for me stopping isn't money, although this is a factor, it's all the time I am sacrificing.

I’ve certainly bought more than I need to but I justify it to myself because I’m saving on my childcare fees at the moment. The last 4 items have been off eBay though so thrifty and less guilt inducing. I’ve also been sorting out clothes to donate and sell and have been playing around with an app called Style Book which you photograph items from your wardrobe and can firstly keep track of what you have and what you wear but allows you to create outfits and save them ( for when we can go out). Emphasis definitely needs to be on what we already own. There are plenty of You Tube channels that discuss “ shopping your wardrobe” and styling so perhaps distract yourself in the evening( if that’s your danger time ). I like a You Tuber called A Small Wardrobe who is a “ low spend” advocate. Even if you don’t aspire to that she’s very engaging and calming to watch. Good luck though.... I know it’s tough.

I read the OP carefully and my suggestion as you are not short of funds is get counseling now.

You say you are not risking financial hardship, but you are spending your savings and that is reducing your choices in future.

Don't minimise this - well done for facing up to it. See if you can buy nothing today and the way you feel by the end of the day, whether you succeed or fail, will tell you lots I think.

I agree that it's helpful to "pay yourself first" - put a dedicated amount into savings as soon as you get paid. Ideally in an account you can't withdraw from easily. I find it helpful to give the account a name (my online banking lets me do this), e,g. New car or House Deposit. You'll be less likely to dip into savings if they have a clear purpose. It may be helpful to think about your long term financial goals, e.g. when you want to retire, and what you need to save each month in order to achieve that.

When I get the urge to buy something I write it on a list on my phone. I have a set amount I can spend on frivolous stuff each month. Then at the beginning of each month I find it easier to plan what I want to spend this on, as by then I've had a chance to dwell on the list of things I want. (A lot of the things that go on the list, end up coming off again as I realise that even though I want them, they're not a priority vs other things on the list).

The best thing I did was delete Instagram. The targeted ads were too good, and I followed a lot of small business accounts. My spending has gone right down now.

Maybe start with setting up some small rewards for you on a monthly basis. If you don't buy anything that month/or not more than 3 items - you get to buy something a bit bigger... then start moving the threshold to 2 months, 3 months...

I started spending a lot on stuff we really don't need at one point during the first lockdown and then tried to 'condition myself' out of it using this method. It worked... after a few months seeing my savings grow was getting me excited and more determined not to spend on small things. Now I have a little 'fun' budget which allows a few little luxuries but I don't go over it. It took a while though.

With Amazon, I tend to put stuff in my basket, then think on it, then move it to the 'save for later' list. Often what felt like something I must by immediately ends up being a 'wtf?' item several weeks later.

I've got my spending under control by reading "To Buy or Not to Buy: Why we Overshop and How to Stop" by April Benson. It asks some difficult questions and has exercises which give you an insight into your triggers and how to avoid them.

Thanks all.

I am not tempted by emails at all, they never come through as I’ve always had a filter so I only get important emails.
I’m tempted by social media for one, I’ve tried banning myself but I’m addicted and it makes me somewhat less bored.

My main thing is simply through seeing things - TV, fashion, looking round the house. Everything I’ve bought I have wanted, at least at some point. I’ve decided to splurge what I’m saving by WFH, but now it’s turned into ridiculousness. I am going to write down what I’ve bought to see it in black and white:

3 Louis Vuitton bags
1 LV purse
1 LV key holder (lol)
1 Chanel card holder
1 Balenciaga top
1 YSL top
Some prints for the study
1 Tiffany bracelet
1 VCA necklace (ok this was extreme but I saved for this one)
A cricut maker
Everything you need to use the cricut
Dog DNA test
Vitamin D, B and Biokult
Dog vitamins
27 items from Mango
2 jumpers, 1 pj set and 1 dress from ASOS
Glossy box

OK I feel better now and so so guilty.

Well you have good taste! If you aren’t enjoying spending any more then I would suggest the one thing that will fill your soul without spending money. This, in my case is growing plants- the little seeds I planted a few days ago are now up to three inches tall. Watching my little babies grow is amazingly satisfying and in the summer, they will also feed me. They also oxygenate the air, look great, change daily and bring immense joy. Your thing might not be plants maybe it’s crafts, or home decorating or renovating furniture. Try to think of what else gives you that high that you are looking for. Then, invest in that and nothing else. It works!

If you like sewing or building up your fabric stash, I saw there is a sale at Spoonflower. I think they do wallpaper as well.

At the moment, whatever makes you happy and gets you through a hard time, really. Don't be too hard on yourself, just keep busy. I read recently a fitness expert said to take an hour for fitness, an hour for creativity and an hour for learning.

Yeah, that's a lot of stuff! I guess either you want to stop or you don't - and if you do want to I am sure you will be able to.

I don't personally agree with the idea it is not a problem if you are not running into debt - I think if you are buying things that are not truly needed or that don't leave you permanently glad you bought them, then that suggests something is a bit wrong.

The problem with not addressing it is a just like other unhealthy patterns it stops you getting to a place of greater happiness.

I'll stop because I sound a bit like I've swallowed a self-help book!

[quote letmethinkaboutitfornow]@prettyindarkblack - which dog dna kit? (Hangs head in shame for missing the point completely!) 😂🤷🏻‍♀️😂🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
That was the one that caught my eye too and made me snigger. I need to know!!

It's an addiction. If social media is the trigger you need to delete if you're serious about stopping. I'm on a good salary but I give myself £200 max to spend and the rest goes into savings. Having control is a much better feeling than accumulating stuff which gives me no pleasure that as soon as I've bought it I move on to the next thing that will make my life "perfect".

It's so easy to do. The buzz of hitting "buy", then the brief joy when the parcel arrives. In a seemingly never-ending lockdown it's one of the only novelties. So hard to quit.

Do you track your spending at all? For example a list of everything that you buy and what you have spent with a cumulative running total. I did this for Christmas as I had a bad habit of overdoing the presents. Perhaps give yourself a limit or boundaries about spending amounts or what type of things you buy.

Ultimately you have to consider do you really need the things that you’re buying?

OP, that is a really nice list of things .

Joking aside, i totally get it. I have a budget of around £150 per month to just fritter away if i want. I am looking at home accounts or following hastags or see nice things on influencers and i love the enjoyment of searching around for similar things myself.

I constantly want new things. Even a cheap £10 pair of earrings from Amazon prime is exciting or fancy toiletries from Jo Malone is a buzz.

I have loads of beautiful things and whether they were cheap or £££ i still buy more. For example I was given beautiful shower things for christmas by my kids and now im back looking at Molton brown and neom again as i want more variety.

My current obsession is Duchess Kate and so i've been googling for hours on end about her Anouska pearl earrings and cheaper ones. I am hunting for a velvet collar jacket like she wears.

Ive actually just bought a shopping addiction book thanks to this thread, so hopefully that gives some tips on breaking the habit.

I feel embarrassed that i have no control!

I do this and it's definitely linked to my mental health issues. I strongly believe I'm bipolar but have been unable to get a diagnosis. When I'm on a high I buy so much stuff, especially clothes,shoes,make up and books. Lockdown has made it worst as I obsess over parcels coming. It's a very hard compulsion to get people to take seriously I think as shopping seems so frivolous at the moment.

Return as much of it as you can, delete apps, cut up credit cards, ring an addiction charity and get a referral for therapy and a plan in place.

Well done on admitting you have a problem. Please don’t spend your savings on crap. We’re in a pandemic with a tanking economy- you’re going to need that money.

But do you need help?
Maybe buying things is your hobby? I mean, there's not much else we can do at the moment is there?

Those who didn't already have actual established hobbies and those who's activities have been curtailed by lockdown, probably are shopping in their free time out of boredom. It's better than being bored, as long as it's not getting you into debt.

@DNHandTNS

But do you need help? Maybe buying things is your hobby? I mean, there's not much else we can do at the moment is there?

Those who didn't already have actual established hobbies and those who's activities have been curtailed by lockdown, probably are shopping in their free time out of boredom. It's better than being bored, as long as it's not getting you into debt.

I would rather be bored and find something to do than spend hours tracking down stuff and buying things which bring no pleasure. I was great at justifying my overspending too it was making me miserable.

The has become a bit of a problem for me too. Barely a day goes by when I don't have at least one delivery. Three items arrived today. I ordered a further 2 items. This year so far I think I have spent about £900 on "stuff". I retired last year and have no income for the next 3 years until I get my state pension, so it's all coming out of savings.

Bizarrely, at the other end of the spectrum I am constantly trying to sort out through all my belongings and rid myself of the things that I don't need and will never use! It's a fairly constant turnover.

Just had to Google VCA necklace. Wow. Was it this one OP?

www.vancleefarpels.com/gb/en/collections/high-jewelry/classic-high-jewelry/palmyre/vcarp40m00---brume-de-saphir-necklace.html

Sorry for killing your thread OP. Habit of mine.