Husband help

[doodles111]

Aibu
Husband has decided to be running partners with a woman he works with, tbh I'm not comfortable with it for 1 - it's just them ( understand opposite sexes can be friends but this woman has came out of nowhere) 2 - he will not help me with looking after our children but will happily give up his free time to run with this woman?!
Aibu here?

Also to add I haven't been told it's a slip up of someone else telling me 🙄

He is playing you, you stay he wins and still gets to go running with her.

It's so clear he is going into work to spend time with her 🙄

OP his reaction of going straight to blaming you and not denying anything or trying to save things just shows he wants it to be your decision to split, even though it is what he wants. He thinks he'll have the moral high ground and in time will no doubt use it against you via the kids. What a selfish and weak person he appears to be and I'm sorry for you and DC that the writing seems to be on the wall. In time you'll look back and know it was the right decision, especially when you meet someone who puts you first which you deserve.

DARVO look it up!

Does he now know that you know he is running with her and not on his own?

How are you op x

I really feel for you, sending and hugs.

@Itstimetoquit

How are you op x

Hi , I'm doing okay weve decided to separate he is the cause the for so many problems in our marriage ( I'm not angel but have been a good wife) and I feel like this has been the thing to but the final nail in the coffin! He hasn't put up any sort of fight for his marriage or family he has just accepted it and carrying on as normal as possible (still in the house) it will be me and the children that have to leave unfortunately. He has continued his running with his new running partner sounds so trivial but this really opened a can of worms between us . I am devastated but trying to keep it together for the sake of the children.

@doodles111

Quick update - I brought it up last night as I wanted to see his reaction. As I thought he would he called me crazy said I need to grow up and said he's not mentioned it as he didn't need too and it's been a regular thing for weeks. I said I feel uncomfortable with this due to a few things that happened about 2 years ago it wasn't cheating but he turned around one day and said that he hadn't loved me for months and ended our marriage for a week then decided he did love me I gave him another chance and it's taken a long time to get back to any sort of trust in our marriage. The thing is he thinks he goes above an beyond for me as he is working and I am not ( young children at home) He slept in the spare room last night so I feel like his reaction and lack of anything that shows he actually cares for me an our relationship just sort of confirms my suspicion. I feel numb to be honest.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, OP. It actually sounds to me like emotional abuse. The thing with emotions - it doesn't matter if he agrees with you but his actions have hurt you and he can't take responsibility for that. Feeling that he doesn't have to pull his weight as a parent because he works isn't acceptable either. Your needs for you time are every bit as valid as his.

Why do you and the children need to leave the house?

I hate the usual ‘oh he is having an affair’ MN cliche but in this case I would bet my house on there be more than exercise going on, and a relationship being announced once you are officially separated

So sorry, OP

Why do you and the children need to leave the house?

^ yes why????

We relocated for his job so if we are not together there is no point us living here where I don't have much of support network , I am better off moving back near family and friends. This is why he keeps bringing up the children I feel like he's using it because he knows that uprooting them was the last thing I would want as they are all so settled... 💔 x

"This is why he keeps bringing up the children I feel like he's using it because he knows that uprooting them was the last thing I would want as they are all so settled... "

I hope your responding to that with the fact he's choosing to spend an unreasonable amount of time with another women rather than pulling his weight with his own bloody children. If you've decided to separate, just don't pander to his words anymore. Every time he says something like that, just remind him how much of a shit you think he is. Leave the room while he's mid sentence. Ignore him. Don't do anything for him. Cook for you and the kids. Do your own washing. Do nothing to make his life comfortable.
You sound as tho he's telling you it's your fault and you're just accepting it. I'd laugh in his face if he said that to me.

He's just told me he's not cheating with the runner and he wouldn't let things get that far.... what!! How is that in anyway a reassuring thing to say to your wife! He doesn't see a problem with what he's just said am I overreacting here 🤯

So his line is physical cheating but he feels entitled to anything else, including secrecy, devoting days off to her, messaging, flirting, and emotional infidelity? He really takes the cake.

As I said previously, he does not value his marriage and family, and certainly isn’t committed to rebuilding your trust.

If he keeps bringing up the children as he knows you wouldn't want to unsettle them, throw it back at him. Respond calmly with what a shame he couldnt put them before a running partner!

It's already an emotional affair, you know it and he knows it!!!

@doodles111

He's just told me he's not cheating with the runner and he wouldn't let things get that far.... what!! How is that in anyway a reassuring thing to say to your wife! He doesn't see a problem with what he's just said am I overreacting here 🤯

Oh OP, stick to your guns and get out of there

How are you doing, Doodles? His remark that he ‘wouldn’t let things get that far’ was truly appalling.

Awful @MsDogLady 😭
The atmosphere in the house is terrible luckily the children haven't picked up on anything. I feel scared to leave like I'm losing my bottle over it.
He kicked off the other night out of nowhere then said I push him till I get a reaction I really don't i was trying to talk to him. We can't have a conversation without him flaring up, he told me I won't have a job , nice home , another relationship as a single mother I know he's trying to make me change my mind but I honestly feel so trapped being so far away from family and not being able to travel to them with covid restrictions 😢

You are permitted to go to another household for a cooling off period due to relationship tensions during lockdown

Or permanently

Honestly I would go stay with your parents.

He is trying to turn it onto you and make you feel too guilty to end it so he can carry on doing as he pleases

You are allowed to leave your husband, op

Thinking of you op.
Please know you are not trapped, although it feels that way. But you can leave.
Try to block out anything he says,he is just trying to 'put you back in your place'
And call some family and friends.