So, I've namechanged for this as it's very outing.
I have one DD with my DH and he has 3 DCs with his ex, we have both actively played a huge part in their lives- and rightly so- over the years. Don't particularly like his ex, just because I don't believe she is the best mum she could be. I don't voice this though or ever bad mouth her to the children- this is just my opinion, I was civil and pleasant when I did see her.
I love his DC and would say I'm a pretty good stepmum, i certainly have a very good relationship with the DC.
2 years ago due to reasons I won't go into two of his DC came to live with us full time- this was for their safety and that's all I'll say on that.
However for the last 2 years his ex won't engage with me or DH AT ALL, and I mean nothing. My DH will call to speak about the children and she won't answer, he will then text and she will read then ignore. She has contact with the DC once a week for 3 hours (totally her choice) she could have them more if she wanted to. She doesn't pay anything towards them and she works full time, she doesn't ask how they are or even phone and speak to them AT ALL, she doesn't even come to collect them she sends her mother. She will drop them off but just lets them out the car and drives off. She has never contributed to clothing them or getting them organised for school. She never calls or video calls or anything at all not even on their birthdays/Xmas. I just don't get it and don't know how to fix it. It can't be good for the DC to see this and I'm very conscious of that. We have both- me and DH- tried to talk to her many times, tried to explain that regardless of how we feel about each other we have to be civil for the DC sake but she just blanks it. No idea what else to do or whether we should just leave it as is.
Sorry for the long post just wanted to give as much background as possible. I've seen in the past how these types of threads go. So I'm hoping I get some good advice on here instead of the usual bashing that step parents usually get.
Thank you