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AIBU?

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Original poster

Greeting card etiquette

75 replies

Gcnq · 08/02/2021 11:03

Is this a Faux Pas and not the "done thing" or is this perfectly normal?

You write out a birthday card to long standing friend, roughly as follows

Dear X hope you have a lovely birthday, looking forward to meeting up after pandemic, what a strange year it's been. We're pleased to let you know that [insert very good news about self and your own family].

Unreasonable message or not unreasonable message?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 08/02/2021 11:08

I wouldn’t add in news about my family in a birthday card, I would just write Happy Birthday but I don’t think there’s anything that wrong with it either

CMOTDibbler · 08/02/2021 11:08

Are you announcing pregnancy/ engagement in their birthday card? If so, I think its a bit off

TinyCake · 08/02/2021 11:12

Don't make their birthday card about you.

whyayepetal · 08/02/2021 11:15

I would say unreasonable - their birthday card should be about them, simply celebrating their special day, hoping they have a good time, have they anything special planned for today, or perhaps later as restrictions begin to ease etc....

Anything else should be separate - part of an email, phone call or letter/card at another time.

vaguelyill · 08/02/2021 11:16

Was all good until you said you were popping in your own news, I wouldn’t do that.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 08/02/2021 11:16

Christmas card yes, I think it's nice to add a personal message, which is inevitably an update on news.

Birthday card no, it should be about them.

MaskingForIt · 08/02/2021 11:16

Faux pas. You’ve turned their birthday card into being about you.

If you must, put it on the blank left side inside the card, or possibly attached to the left side on a post-it note.

But surely you can text?

Whyyyyyythough · 08/02/2021 11:16

That sort of thing doesn’t belong in a birthday card. I think it’d be fine in a Christmas card

Ilovecaviar · 08/02/2021 11:16

Well we have to know what the news is to be able to say...... 😊

vjg13 · 08/02/2021 11:18

Would be more likely to text or phone with the good news!

PatNextDoor · 08/02/2021 11:19

It's their birthday - don't hijack it. If the recipient then phones/emails you to thank you, then you can say, Oh by the way, Brian won The Masked Singer last Saturday, did you see him?

ZoeTurtle · 08/02/2021 11:21

Faux pas but hardly the crime of the century. I'd let it go.

IrmaFayLear · 08/02/2021 11:21

Every year an old school friend sends me a birthday card with a letter. It almost ruins my birthday every year! The greatest birthday ever couldn’t compete with her wonderful life and annual achievements. One year it was “a very generous legacy” from an elderly aunt such that she could buy a London flat as a pied a terre Shock

Swingometer · 08/02/2021 11:21

If I wanted to include a bit of a 'letter' with news in addition to the birthday greeting then I might put it on the left hand side inside the card or on a separate bit of note paper if it was long winded

I can't personally imagine being offended if someone did this to me but as others have suggested if it's an engagement or pregnancy announcement then probably easier to inform them via text/email and keep separate to the birthday card

PrimeraVez · 08/02/2021 11:22

Totally depends what the you-related news is.

We're pleased to let you know that I've just received a massive pay rise at work. Not cool.

We're pleased to let you know that X is now officially in remission from her cancer - can't wait for us to celebrate together soon! Ok, but even still probably better as separate news in a text message or call.

PatchworkElmer · 08/02/2021 11:22

I wouldn’t personally, I think it’s a bit odd.

Abraxan · 08/02/2021 11:24

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest and I'd certain;y not be offended by it or let it spoil the day.

I wouldn't do it personally as I know some people might be upset by receiving such information as part of their card.

You could just send the news separately or via text/email.

LApprentiSorcier · 08/02/2021 11:25

I would enclose a letter on a separate piece of paper giving any family news (if I didn't plan to phone/text/email it).

Tarantallegra · 08/02/2021 11:25

Yes I probably wouldn't send it in the card but I think it's ok if it's separate. A dear friend sent me a Christmas present and card with a nice letter but not in the card and it was lovely. Just make sure it isn't all about you, ask her about her life and you may start a nice new tradition of writing to each other.

Lemonsyellow · 08/02/2021 11:26

I wouldn’t. I might pop a note inside the card or, at a push, write something on the back of the card.

goldenzog · 08/02/2021 11:30

Doesn't bother me at all. I think I'm probably "guilty" of doing that. I just see it as a way to pad out the card. I feel more irate when people just write to X, happy birthday, from X. That's a total waste of a card in my opinion!!

RaisinsRuinEverything · 08/02/2021 11:30

I agree with other posters. Instead of news about you ask them about themselves, eg how's homeschooling going? Done much gardening/knitting/jigsaws/(insert hobby that you know your friend is into)?

Original poster
Gcnq · 08/02/2021 11:32

Well it's done now (the offending card was actually sent in the summer) and friend has been passive-agressive with me since! I've only just thought this is probably what it's about.

Do I bring up the card I sent last summer and apologize?

The news wasn't a surprise or anything, I was actually at her house when the "beginning" of the news started, of the sort that may or may not have worked out so the message was to say it had worked out.

Is she right to be completed miffed at ne? It was possibly bad timing, I was excited about it it happened to be her birthday and thought she'd be pleased.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gcnq · 08/02/2021 11:33

@RaisinsRuinEverything

I agree with other posters. Instead of news about you ask them about themselves, eg how's homeschooling going? Done much gardening/knitting/jigsaws/(insert hobby that you know your friend is into)?
Card did also include that sort of thing too
OP posts:
IrmaFayLear · 08/02/2021 11:34

I guess it’s a pregnancy. If so, the only explanation for her being miffed is if she is experiencing infertility or had a loss. Otherwise it is probably something else you’ve done !!