Greeting card etiquette

[Gcnq]

Is this a Faux Pas and not the "done thing" or is this perfectly normal?

You write out a birthday card to long standing friend, roughly as follows

Dear X hope you have a lovely birthday, looking forward to meeting up after pandemic, what a strange year it's been. We're pleased to let you know that [insert very good news about self and your own family].

Unreasonable message or not unreasonable message?

I wouldn't do it myself ,as it's their day
But I have a longstanding friend who fills virtually the whole card with her news, this year there was hardly any room left to write me a greeting ,it doesn't annoy me in the slightest, I actually look forward to it arriving and find it quite funny. It's always good to hear profits at her business are up again !! And her children are doing EVEN BETTER at school !!!
She's a dear friend from a very happy time and life's too short to get cross about that sort of thing

i do this with emails on ther person's birthday. if we just exchange emails twice a year, on our birthdays, I ask what they are up to and then, yes, include a bride update on what I am doing, then vice versa.

If the birthday card is the only contact all year, then I think its fine to also put a bit of news in (ie baby 2 is now here, called x, so they know to add the name in when sending cards)

It wouldn't bother me at all. I love to hear my friends news and it wouldn't occur to me that a note in a card could be taken as making that person's birthday about the note writer.

If a good friend did that to me I may be a bit 'raised eyebrows' 'roll eyes' and think she could have saved it for another separate message /letter/ time.

But, that's how far I would take it. Roll eyes, pop the card on the mantelpiece /wherever. Mentally thank friend for slightly insensitive card and move on.

We're all human and we all make errors of judgement.

If she's being a bit weird after six months that says far, far more about her than it does you!

Strange message for a birthday card. "Happy birthday, here's some stuff about me" I'm not that fussed about card etiquette, I barely send them. But I'd think it weird if my birthday card had someone else's braggy news in it.

I'm assuming the news is a house purchase?

In which case yes, odd! Imagine having that sitting on display.

I think including your news in a birthday card for someone else is a bit self centred.

I don't get the whole limelight bit at all.
We are talking about grown adults here, surely?
Are there really that many adults who would see a bit of a chatty letter/message in their card as stealing their limelight?

I'd see it as a friendly chat between friends, a nice update.

Infact it would be much nicer in so many ways that just the standard 'To xxx Happy birthday. from xxx.' Where there's no real thought gone into it.

In which case yes, odd! Imagine having that sitting on display.

But the message wouldn't be in display. I assume it would be inside, not on the front.

At the moment it's not even like anyone else would be visiting and reading it is it?

Just to clarify, I also think just signing your name on a card is boring AF! Funny jokes/personalised messages are great. I just think it's a bit self-centred to send someone a card and then write a message about how great you are. It's like people at dinner parties or networking events that want to tell you their life story without ever asking you a question. BORES

@Abraxan

I don't get the whole limelight bit at all. We are talking about grown adults here, surely? Are there really that many adults who would see a bit of a chatty letter/message in their card as stealing their limelight?

I'd see it as a friendly chat between friends, a nice update.

Infact it would be much nicer in so many ways that just the standard 'To xxx Happy birthday. from xxx.' Where there's no real thought gone into it.

This, absolutely. I can’t imagine being the kind of person who would get offended by a chatty message in a birthday card. Are adults really so precious about their birthdays?

I'd do a short "Have a lovely day! Hope we can catch up soon, I'll buy you a coffee!" type thing in the card.

For anything else, I'd pop in a piece of notepaper. That way she can separate the card (her birthday) and the letter (news from me). Putting my news on display seems weird.

@PolkadotsAndMoonbeams

I'd do a short "Have a lovely day! Hope we can catch up soon, I'll buy you a coffee!" type thing in the card.

For anything else, I'd pop in a piece of notepaper. That way she can separate the card (her birthday) and the letter (news from me). Putting my news on display seems weird.

^^ This

I always add a little personal message into birthday cards but making it about the person the card is too. If this was the only contact then I would add any "life updates" in a letter within the card so that the recipient could separate the two things.

I cant imagine that there would be news that I would only be able to share with a good friend via the medium of their birthday card - either they're good enough friends that I can message them separately and so an update in their birthday card would be unnecessary or they arent a close friend, in which case keeping them updated on life events is not a top priority.

@positiveIONS

Just to clarify, I also think just signing your name on a card is boring AF! Funny jokes/personalised messages are great. I just think it's a bit self-centred to send someone a card and then write a message about how great you are. It's like people at dinner parties or networking events that want to tell you their life story without ever asking you a question. BORES

Well it's different from a two-way chat situation - I'd be more weirded out by a birthday card full of questions about myself that I'd then feel sort of obliged to send a letter or email etc to reply to!

As it's a one-way written communication you can't really do the usual chatty stuff and ask about them, other than 'hope you're well, hope X turned out ok' etc so you're only left with jokey stuff, nothing, or 'just a bit of news, we've finally moved in to our new place, our new address is XXXX' bits of news from yourself etc.

I have a friend who does this, every card for any occasion is about her husband of children. It’s annoying but predictable.

@dottiedaisee

If I received a birthday card with ‘news’ I wouldn’t even give it a second thought and would just be glad to receive a card .

Yep.

Can't ever imagine being offended by a friend's good news.,

It's a no from me, especially if it's news like 'I got the job and it's accompanying massive salary' or 'we've moved into that huge, fancy house'

The birthday card is to celebrate them, not you!

Although if it's something small, like 'we've got another cat' then that's totally fine!

Depends on the news...

You don't know if the card is actually the reason. Why not ask her what's wrong and clear the air?

It's not the done thing but it would be a ridiculous reason for her to be off with you.

Stop speculating and just ask what's going on.

And stop making other people's occasions about you.

Usually I'd say don't but these are strange times and it might be the only way you get to tell certain people your news? I don't have FB so I can see why you'd want to do this.

Why not add a separate note just updating them and also asking them how they've been? Keeps it separate from the card

Sorry just, read all of the OPs posts! That's a weird reason for someone to be off with you...

Your friend is being incredibly petty, irrespective of your card etiquette!
I'd have it out with her. Not in a confrontational way at all, but clear communication is key.

Long messages are usually to accompany Christmas cards, but nothing wrong in doing what you did.

Super weird.

I would write an actual letter and put it in with the card, that can include some news and things. Or tell them a different way. But not on their birthday card.