DH just called DC a bastard

[Throwaway999]

As the title says DH just called our 23 month a bastard as a reaction to DC hitting DH in the face.

I’m furious with DH and have told him that there are no circumstances where it is acceptable for DH to speak to DC like that. Am I overreacting?

Bit of background, DH is usually a good dad and hands on with DC, pulls his weight around the house etc. This is the second time I have told DH not to call DC a bastard (it happened a few weeks ago when DC hit DH). DC is going through a phase of hitting DH, DC doesn’t hit me so any advice on how to deal with DC too would be also appreciated.

@TestingTestingWonTooFree

I think it’s very difficult to micromanage how someone reacts to being hit in the face. If he was using that term generally I’d be very upset.

Disagree, if a tiny child accidently bops you in the face an adult is perfectly capable of managing their response.

That's not true at all. I physically react to bring hit in the face. I won't explain the horrendous reasons why but rest assured I have little control over it.

I agree TeeBee, I've been slapped/thumped in the face by a toddler, it's extremely jarring, they weren't little taps! Obviously not ideal to swear but an involuntary exclamation can't be helped sometimes.

...and being hit with a toy!!!

Disagree, if a tiny child accidently bops you in the face an adult is perfectly capable of managing their response.

I love tghe way you've describe it as a bop in the face in an attempt to minimise how painful it can be.

As this thread shows toddlers can break noses or give black eyes by headbutting or hitting people in the face. A 2 year old might be small but they can have a lot of force behind their actions.

Toddlers hit hard, if an adult hit me like my dc have they'd be punched back, a little 'oh you little bastard' in reaction to being twatted in the face in a non-aggressive way is nothing to boot off or get emotional about. The shit toddlers do can be beyond rational response, as long as you aren't aggressive toward them and cause no harm I don't see the problem.

If your dh grew up with or generally swears in conversation it's most likely an unconscious reaction. My parents swore around me and my sibling and we see it as just words- there's no power in them and if it's not aggressive I don't see it as an issue. We understood when it was not appropriate to drop an F-bomb and no harm came from being told to stop being a shit or whatever happened to come out of our dads mouth in the moment.

I simply don't believe anyone who claims they can perfectly control their reaction to being hurt unexpectedly.

"Disagree, if a tiny child accidently bops you in the face an adult is perfectly capable of managing their response."

Muttering "you bastard" seems pretty managed to me.

if a tiny child accidently bops you in the face an adult is perfectly capable of managing their response.

Not all adults are. Background will have a lot to do with how well an adult handles their emotions. When someone physically hurts me I get extremely emotionally flooded - a response set down in an abusive childhood. It takes enormous self control for me not to lash back physically. Not hitting my children has been my greatest parenting achievement as it was so difficult for me. That may horrify you but it's true. So letting the odd "fucksake" out on occasion is often me trying my very best and I would give other parents grace as a result. Swearing is never ideal but it's sometimes the best case scenario.

if a tiny child accidently bops you in the face an adult is perfectly capable of managing their response.

😂😂 you have absolutely no idea how hard the child whacked the OP's DH. They don't hold back!

I say ffs 🤷‍♀️

The OP has clearly said that it wasn't the first time

"This is the second time I have told DH not to call DC a bastard (it happened a few weeks ago when DC hit DH)."

And that it was said to the child

"It was spoken, not shouted in DC face, but definitely directed at DC as in “you bastard”"

The amount of people minimising this is really shocking.

I think you need to point out that children learn by example, and if he doesn’t want his son to call HIM a bastard in the future, he probably needs to knock it on the head sharpish.