DH just called DC a bastard

[Throwaway999]

As the title says DH just called our 23 month a bastard as a reaction to DC hitting DH in the face.

I’m furious with DH and have told him that there are no circumstances where it is acceptable for DH to speak to DC like that. Am I overreacting?

Bit of background, DH is usually a good dad and hands on with DC, pulls his weight around the house etc. This is the second time I have told DH not to call DC a bastard (it happened a few weeks ago when DC hit DH). DC is going through a phase of hitting DH, DC doesn’t hit me so any advice on how to deal with DC too would be also appreciated.

Does he normally use bad language? If he has then did you ever decide before dc of what would be acceptable and what not?

When I was growing up, it was almost an affectionate pet name. Just something all the adults around us used to refer to us as, like "ooh wee one's being a right lil bastard today" or "Ooh ya lil bastard!" and a hair ruffle.

In this context, if it's a weird little habit he grew alongside, I'd talk to him about it, but be kind of understanding I suppose.

If it's not in this context at all and he means it quite aggressively, I'd be less happy.

DH and I never swear at or about our DC. Why would we. A toddler hitting is not a good reason to call a small child a bastard.
I'd be disgusted, overhearing that.

Is it something he might usually say in response to pain?
What if he said 'sod' or 'tinker?'
The longer I've parented for the more mellow my instinctual 'that really hurt' language has become. Maybe early days when I swore like a sailor it wasn't quite so mumsy at it is now.
I'd ask him to try and tone down the blue around the kiddo perhaps? Last thing you want is little one calling next in line at the supermarket a bastard!

I think an expletive when you’ve been shocked is fine. I also think a 2 year old isn’t going to internalise one instance of a rude word being thrown in his direction - your husband might however well remember your massive overreaction.

You little horror, you little bugger, you little git....you get the picture. If bastard is an expletive you reach for under certain circumstances then you might say it to your child.

To me that's really shocking language to use with a small child and wouldn't be acceptable regardless of what the child had done.

I’ve said “ooohhh you bastard” once or twice towards my kids during their nipping / slapping babies phases.

I promise I’m not abusive - it’s a natural reaction when I’ve been caught off guard by the sharp little razor teeth.

My DP has also done it once and I did pick him up on it because he said it quite loudly and baby was startled.

But I know without a shadow of a doubt neither me or my DP are abusive or of concern to my kids or anyone else’s.

Only you know if he’s just a bit rubbish at holding his tongue when DC jumps on his balls or slaps him or pulls his hair etc (they are little sods sometimes!) and there is no ACTUAL concern here or if there’s more to it and he has a bit of a temper problem.

No one on this thread can say, only you can know

If it was said in response to shock and pain rather than anger it wouldn't bother me over much.

'argh ya bastard' not a problem. A reaction.

@MollieMaeve

If he’s saying that as a reflex to a toddler I’d be concerned what he’d be like when angry with an older child.

🙄

It is bad to use such language in front of a child but if I was, say, hit in the face and it really hurt, I can't honestly say I wouldn't do exactly the same.

I said "fuck you" to my 15m DD yesterday, completely by accident, because she twatted me in the face with a metal plate. It happens.

I'm surprised at how many people are minimising this. I'd be furious if my husband spoke to our child Luke this. Not okay regardless of circumstances.

non issue

Like this

It's a gut reaction to being hit in the face. Unless it's a pattern I wouldn't be furious. But then I'd probably have reacted similarly.

Human has reaction to being hit on face shocker.

He didn’t even shout! I’d have most likely said worse and made a lot more noise

Well if it makes you a terrible parent add me to the list of terrible parents I've said similar twice to my DS. Once when he whacked me directly in the eye with a wooden brick and secondly when he headbutted me in the nose. It's a reaction. I'm not proud of it but it was said in the heat of the moment as a response to pain not because i think he is a bastard.

How is he otherwise?
Engagement in play, how does he act when DS can't be settled is /upset/crying:screaming, does he get angry if DS doesn't listen or breaks things etc.

His reaction could be an instinctual response to being hit or part of a bigger picture. Atm I have no idea which one it is.

Urghh, this thread is further training on how perfect parents raise darling little snowflakes.

I would say it is completely unacceptable to use this kind of language either in front of or directly aimed at a young child.

Nothing snowflakey about that. It's just a horrible way to talk to anyone (though if this is the way some parents carry on, it's not surprising there are so many horrible comments on here - people grow up thinking it's normal to be offensive).

On a purely practical level, if you call your toddler a bastard, s/he will call you the same once they get older. Whatever you do will be reflected right back at you in the teenage years.

Yes, you are are overreacting if it's just an involuntary reaction to being hurt unexpectedly. Obviously different if 10 minutes after the event it becomes directed abuse.

Loving all the perfect parents saying they would smile sweetly at their little darling as well.

"On a purely practical level, if you call your toddler a bastard, s/he will call you the same once they get older. "

Sure they will.

@UrAWizHarry

Yes, you are are overreacting if it's just an involuntary reaction to being hurt unexpectedly. Obviously different if 10 minutes after the event it becomes directed abuse.

Loving all the perfect parents saying they would smile sweetly at their little darling as well.

"Smiling sweetly at the little darling" isn't the only alternative to calling a small child a bastard, Harry.