To ask about your fav Mumsnet cliches

[HeidiHaughton]

Ltb being mine.

@LucasLeesEyebrows

The constant suggestion of the names Otillie and Florence on the baby name board.

Or Sylvie!

“Oh I can’t manage more that 2 fish fingers/ 1 sausage/ half a Weetabix.”

“Reader, I married him.” Oh how delightfully twee 🙈.

“He could have ASD.” Said about someone who is clearly just being a dick.

“We are at X school” no you’re not, you’re an adult and your child goes to X school.

“My husband’s Bobby is far too outing to tell you.” No it’s not, it’s cycling.

“My DS is tall and skinny but eats like a horse.” Just like all the other children of MNers then 😂.

Oh and “I was crying and shaking.”

The hatred of Bayliss and Harding gift sets at Christmas.

(I’ve never been gifted it so I don’t know how bad it is but going by comments on here... it must be pretty bad).

@LucasLeesEyebrows

The constant suggestion of the names Otillie and Florence on the baby name board.

The only time I've actually heard the name Ottilee is on CBeebies and I thought that's a bit of a posh name. She was quite posh actually!

I always seem to find the ones that will never shop in Asda and would rather wait 4 days to get into Waitrose. What's wrong with Asda? .

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

I like a name thread Need a name that begins with P

Our other children are called Wundaweb and Gourd
On the list are
Persimmon
Ptolemy
Persil
Pterodactyl
Parsimonious
Pyloric stenosis
...everyone muses and approves as well they’re nice middle class unusual but not too weird or out there. At mere suggestion of Patrick a riot breaks out. It’s common, uncouth. And Patrick misses the point how is one to mark nones child out as middle class and entitled if they don’t have a poncy name that references science,medicine or philosophy

I now wish to purchase a robot cat and dog so the former can be called Ptolemy or Pterodactyl (depending on the robot breed) and the latter Pyloric stenosis. I intend to wearily call the latter's name as I chase the robot dog while it pursues robot deer.

@Sbowiegirl

The hatred of non drivers. I didn’t realise it was a thing. I can’t drive. I would love to be able to. But I can’t. I would be dangerous on the road as I have awful coordination and hazard perception. In real life I just get the bus or walk most places. DH gives DS and I lifts to events if they are tricky to get to.

I completely agree with this. I’ve had some very snide comments on MN because I can’t drive, but honestly, if you’d seen my attempts, you’d be glad I haven’t got a licence.

I’ve got a good job, my own home, minimal debt... but if you believe certain corners of MN, the fact that I can’t work one piece of machinery makes me disorganised and worthless.

'Child maintenance should be saved for a Uni fund'

Seen that cracker more than once on here!

@Completelyunassertive

'Child maintenance should be saved for a Uni fund'

Seen that cracker more than once on here!

Child benefit is to buy food for the child. If you have to go to a foodbank to feed your kids it's because you blew the child benefit on drugs, alcohol, tattoos, Sky, iPhones, Range Rovers and designer clothes - yes, all of these.

If you can't/won't drive for any reason other than a medical condition,you are a lift-scrounging nuisance. I really don't understand the vitriol on MN directed at non-drivers. As for dating or,heaven forbid, marrying a partner who can't drive,don't you know,he's a GROWN MAN,who should know better!

That doesn't work for me (I dont want to)

I don't feel comfortable with that (I dont want to)

I'll leave it with you then (End of conversation)

I have a right to consider my own needs and on this occasion I intend to do so (in response to accusation of selfishness)

I cant take responsibility for what other people do, I can only take responsibility for myself. (in response to accusation of selfishness)

Im not whinging, Im using assertive self disclosure (being accused of whining)

“I’m going against the grain here.”
You’re just being a smug twat.

These are the same sort of people who put things like at the end of their posts. The ‘slating’ they’re desperate for because they love a bit of drama.

Huh?
"Is this a reverse?"
"Don't you have homework to do"
"This can't be real."
"Are you always this controlling?"
"The hills are that way, OP."

"Why cant your husband help?" (When it's obvious the OP is alone)
"You knew what you were getting in to"
"Why did you have a child with him?"
"It's DSD19's house too. Give her the double room. Your three teens can share. You and DH sleep on the couch."

"Hummus"
"Naice"

"Long time reader, first time poster (penis beaker, cutted up pair, penguin bollards, pom bear etc)"
"It's spelled 'pear'."
"The OP wont be back" (30 secs after her last reply)
"You can't be that ill if you're posting on Mumsnet"
"RTFT"
"I don't know what RTFT means."
"I haven't read the full thread but have you tried the most obvious thing people would suggest first?"

"If this is all you have to worry about.."
"Do you realise there's a global pandemic"
"Move. Don't live in terrace house/flat if you don't want noise." (When neighbours are playing the trombone at 3am)
"Log it with the police"
"Ambulance. Now." (for a 5 day old bruise)
"Don't waste A&E's time. See your GP on Monday." (Decapitation/severed leg/gunshot wound)
"Free 30mins with a solicitor."
"Show him this thread"

Aaaand breathe.

‘My DP/DH went through my phone’. Leave him, he’s controlling, more red flags than xxxxxxx

‘My spider senses tell me my DP/DH is having an affair’ a divide is to go through his phone, get gps thingy on his car, can you leave another phone on in his car, go through his phone bill..../

Spidey
Advice

Gaslighting seems to be a favoured theme on MN. Found a stray hair on DH's coat and he's denying he's having an affair?
OP, he's gaslighting you.

Can’t find eggs in the supermarket - Brexit
The apple tree in your back garden stopped producing apples - Brexit
Hairdryer gone on the blink - Brexit

"Be kind"
"Women being asked to be kind is an extension of the systematic abuse and oppression living under the patriarchy subjects us to"

My DS is tall and skinny but eats like a horse.” Just like all the other children of MNers then

Looking at the class photos, and various photos from the kids clubs etc

A LOT of children and teens are skinny, and roughly half of them are tallER than the other half..

I never understand why it makes posters guffaw like this, anyone with teens at home can testify they DO eat the house down 🤷
(most do at least)

@Conundrumofsorts

Do you have a seriously hot husband though?

Yeah, doing well for his age. He cycles a lot and looks really hot in his lycra when he screams in rage at other motorists and pedestrians, but don't tell anyone about his hobby as it is extremely outing.

@BadNomad

Huh? "Is this a reverse?" "Don't you have homework to do" "This can't be real." "Are you always this controlling?" "The hills are that way, OP."

"Why cant your husband help?" (When it's obvious the OP is alone)
"You knew what you were getting in to"
"Why did you have a child with him?"
"It's DSD19's house too. Give her the double room. Your three teens can share. You and DH sleep on the couch."

"Hummus"
"Naice"

"Long time reader, first time poster (penis beaker, cutted up pair, penguin bollards, pom bear etc)"
"It's spelled 'pear'."
"The OP wont be back" (30 secs after her last reply)
"You can't be that ill if you're posting on Mumsnet"
"RTFT"
"I don't know what RTFT means."
"I haven't read the full thread but have you tried the most obvious thing people would suggest first?"

"If this is all you have to worry about.."
"Do you realise there's a global pandemic"
"Move. Don't live in terrace house/flat if you don't want noise." (When neighbours are playing the trombone at 3am)
"Log it with the police"
"Ambulance. Now." (for a 5 day old bruise)
"Don't waste A&E's time. See your GP on Monday." (Decapitation/severed leg/gunshot wound)
"Free 30mins with a solicitor."
"Show him this thread"

Aaaand breathe.

Thorough. You've been here a while, I take it? [hgrin]

Bugger - I meant

Free 30 minutes with a solicitor is hilarious. Where does that even come from??