Using Nursery whilst on maternity leave

[EmJM]

First time poster here. I’m a first time mum to a 6.5month old, and am considering putting her into nursery 1-2mornings a week, whilst I’m still on maternity leave. Looking for peoples opinions or some comradeship if anyone has done this?

My husband and I are finding the pandemic so so difficult. We have no family nearby to help (overseas and >300miles away), my husband is working from our small home, and we are both trying to do study as well. There are no baby groups here, or leisure centres and I’m starting to feel so isolated and totally wiped. I’m also so worried that my little girl is seeing no one apart from me and her Dad.

The local nursery have offered to give her two mornings a week. I wanted one only, but they said she wouldn’t settle properly. I am not planning to go back until she is 12minths old, We can afford it, and I know I will use the time wisely to recharge and to study.

BUT I still have massive massive Mum guilt. I worry I’m letting her down. That I’m not fulfilling the ideal of being a mother. Am I being lazy? Selfish? Am I wasting our money. It’s a total headF.

Would really love to hear from anyone who’s had experience of doing this. Or any advice.

Thanks Mums xxx

@ShirleyPhallus

This is very similar to another thread running right now and I have to say some of these replies are really annoying me

I also have a lockdown baby who has seen almost no one else but her parents and I can’t possibly think how this has done her good. Even though people on this thread say babies only need their parents they forget that the babies will be socialised through other family / friends / baby groups etc.

So definitely do it, it will be good for both of you

The idea that babies need to socialise just isn't true. They don't really have the concept of other people until they're older. Socialisation is for the parents benefit - and there's nothing wrong with that! - but there's no need to justify it by saying it's good for the baby. DS was 6 months at the first lockdown. It was brilliant for him and his development to spend time solely with me and DH. Now he's older, I can see that he's starting to need the socialisation more and is interested by other children.

@mynameiscalypso sorry but I hugely disagree with that. I also think that nursery gives DD a lot more resource than I can give. I assure you that she is bored of being in the same 3 rooms of the house every day with her limited toys. No amount of singing songs and going for walks gives her enough stimulation

The idea that babies need to socialise just isn't true. They don't really have the concept of other people until they're older.

Exactly

We are social sentient being of course babies need social contact and stimulation
Some people have a knee jerk oppositional position regard nursery and they’ll never say anything positive regard nursery

Too young, unless it was a must as you are returning to work. I would wait until bubba is 12 months

[quote ShirleyPhallus]@mynameiscalypso sorry but I hugely disagree with that. I also think that nursery gives DD a lot more resource than I can give. I assure you that she is bored of being in the same 3 rooms of the house every day with her limited toys. No amount of singing songs and going for walks gives her enough stimulation[/quote]
Oh I totally agree with that - nursery do so many activities with DS that I wouldn't do because I'm either rubbish at that sort of thing or just have zero interest. It's great and I'm very thankful for it! That's a different point to socialisation which babies under a year just aren't developmentally ready for. It's not a bad thing, they just have limited awareness of other people/babies. I am very pro-nursery and think DS has benefited a lot but I also know that socialisation isn't one of those ways because it's just not how babies work. It's not a criticism, just a fact of their brains/perception of the world.

@MotherWol

If you had family nearby and it was your mum offering to take her for a couple of mornings a week so you could study, no-one would bat an eyelid. This is really no different- you need support and in the circumstances that means paying for childcare. At least this way she’ll be settled in a routine when you return to work. Do it, and please don’t feel guilty!

^ This

Some weird opinions on here. So I'll add another! If you treat your study as a a part time job (and study can be a full time job, trust me) then you're returning part time to work so of course you need part time child care and hence a nursery slot.

I'm amazed/in awe? of those who manage to hold their career together while taking 6-12 months off (or longer it seems). Most mums I know return between 3-6 months.

Nursery for babies on mn is always met with derision as if it’s akin to penitentiary
Nursery is a well regulated and inspected environment with trained staff not a gulag

Mat leave at the moment with no support, no groups etc I'm sure will be a relentless exhausting nightmare, ignore the judgemental fuckwits and give yourself a break.

Yup, good post @UrAWizHarry

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Nursery for babies on mn is always met with derision as if it’s akin to penitentiary Nursery is a well regulated and inspected environment with trained staff not a gulag

I don't think this thread (or MN in general) is anti-nursery. Pointing out that babies/toddlers have different developmental needs based on their age isn't a negative, it's just acknowledging the reality. The desire for a baby to 'socialise' with others shouldn't drive your decision to put a (pre-toddler) child into nursery because it won't matter to them. There are a million other good reasons to use a nursery whatever your circumstances.

Guilt is a completely wasted emotion. Putting your baby in nursery will do no harm at all, logically you know that. Ignore the people saying they didn't/would never do it because that's their choice.

I've worked in childcare establishments for 40+yrs and it's very rare that babies/children are traumatised by being in a different environment from their parents.

Take the place, and enjoy the breathing space

You do what is best for you and your family. Don't listen to the it's too young crap, or it's not safe due to Covid. You're both studying which is the same as working. You cannot pay your baby attention and study and you need a break too.
You have no family around to offer it so why? Every bodies situation is different so nobody can say what is right for you. Do what is the best for your situation.
For what it's worth, I'm due in 8 weeks and my 19 month old will continue doing to nursery 2 days per week.

Mn is really anti-nursery esp babies. everyone dusts down and regurgitates some iffy article they’ve read to support the assertion that nursery is bad
No point asking because coach loads of posters will advise not to use nursery,in particular posters who have no direct experience of putting a baby in nursery. I can speak from direct experience all my children went to nursery full time at 6mth and they are happy,well attached happy children

She’s a brilliant age to settle well. Much better now than 10-12 months when separation anxiety kicks in.

If it helps, I’m a baby room leader and the babies in our care are genuinely so well looked after and cared for. Unlimited learning planning, developmental monitoring, entertainment and raspberries on bellies delivered.

This is not the best place to ask as youll get lots of replies saying she's too young or she should be with you.

If you need a break, do it. I've done it with my 1yo on my non working days, so shoot me down.

It's all very well saying babies just need their mums and that is true. But these are not normal times and babies do benefit from seeing the world beyond the four walls of their home. It's not just about being a primary care giver but also about exposing them to different sights and environments. If nursery is a way for you to do this then it will be to her benefit.

And also if you need a break then this doesn't really come into it because your needs and feeling are valid enough on their own.

One thing to be aware of is that she may well get ill for months on end, my DS did and it did make the rest of the time at home quite a bit harder.

@Thehop yes thanks for posting my kids all went to nursery FT age 6mth
So many people with no direct experience, either as parent as worker, rock up and cast aspersions about nursery. It’s a knee jerk prejudice

She's very young. I would wait until she is 12 months at least. Especially if you don't actually have to go back to a work setting atm.

But she actually has study requirements and needs a break
Babies don’t need to be Velcroed to mum 24-7. It’s ok to use nursery even when you’re not compelled to. It’s ok to use nursery because you the mum wants to

It’s a cliche, but you know what’s best for your baby and family and yourself. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with doing what you want to do. Everyone’s lives are different.

My 2 year old goes to playgroup every morning even though I’m at home. She absolutely loves it and she has come on so much since starting in September. I take full advantage by catching up on things or having a bit of breathing space. At the moment, mornings are spent homeschooling toddler free. Then afternoons are spent homeschooling whilst entertaining a toddler. Sometimes she goes all day and I pay a bit extra on top of the 2 year funding.

Then when they go back to school I hope to go on a computer course starting in April for 10 weeks to help me get back in to work.

So yeah, people can judge all they like.

I am studying and on maternity leave. My 2yo is attending nursery and my baby has at various points been cared for by family members as part of a childcare bubble to enable me to study in a more focused way at crucial times. You don’t have the latter option so I would absolutely consider nursery in your position

I would. Plus it's easier to settle them later if they have been from a young age.

Do it, the only advice I ever give new parents is to put dc into child care several months before they return to work. The two reasons for this is that they inevitably pick up every bug going in the first month and the last thing you want on returning to work is the stress of taking time off to care for a sick child. The other reason is that you both get a chance to settle gently into a new routine and you get a chance to recharge.