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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Flatmate hygiene

92 replies

Grossedout12 · 05/02/2021 22:12

I have a flatmate who doesn’t wash her hands after going to the toilet

I’m not up against the door listening in case that’s what you’re thinking! You can hear the tap and pipes when the water flows into the sink. That’s how I know.

Also she’s in there for a min, flushes the loo, then she’s out in a second so no time to wash either.

It’s starting to make me feel so sick 🤢 and I keep wiping the door handles and in the kitchen because I think of everywhere she touches.

I can’t bring myself to talk to her about this. There are other hygiene issues too.

I may have to move out?

OP posts:
PattyPan · 05/02/2021 23:05

🤢 I’m on your side OP, I couldn’t live like that. If you do move out but can’t face talking to her about it I’d think about leaving her a note or sending her a message explaining because she needs to know why you’ve left!

JackieWeaverRules · 05/02/2021 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoronaIsWatching · 05/02/2021 23:15

Just live on your own if you can't stop dictating other peoples lives

Emeraldshamrock · 05/02/2021 23:16

My DD stomps around and is extremely messy with food, she has dyspraxia she'll have a shower and forget to wash her armpits, I put signs up for reminders in the bathroom, whenever she brushes her teeth she forgets to turn off the tap.
Obviously it isn't your responsibility to teach your flatmate but an honest chat might help the thought of poo particles on my kettle is too much. Grin

Original poster
Grossedout12 · 05/02/2021 23:18

Emeraldshamrock oh thanks never heard of dyspraxia before...

OP posts:
higgledypiggledyhen · 05/02/2021 23:29

Oh Christ! Get out! Get out now! Run whilst you're still alive. Gooooooo

You're gonna die of a horrible disease

Durtyblurty · 05/02/2021 23:36

I shared a house with a bloke who didn't wash his hands after using the loo. there was no hand soap in the bathroom when I moved in, so i bought some. He used to put it away in the cabinet because he was obsessive around 'stuff' in the house that wasn't placed there by him. Living there was a fucking nightmare. His sister would come round with her two kids. my bedroom - with very thin walls - was beside the bathroom. If i was in my room, which i invariable was when the little shits kids were there, i could hear them when they'd go in for a shit, flush, and instantly leave the bathroom. it was obviously a family habit. it made my skin crawl.

Original poster
Grossedout12 · 05/02/2021 23:41

Durtyblurty 🤮

OP posts:
DaphneDuBois · 05/02/2021 23:46

She sounds revolting. Germs don’t stand still - when one person in a house is dirty it affects everybody else so no, YANBU.

oldegg123 · 05/02/2021 23:52

Well honestly it sounds like you just don't like her very much. That isn't a good setup for a houseshare.

There's been a lot of drip feed but personally I don't think that handwashing after a wee in your own home is essential if everything is clean, hygiene-wise. I have a good friend who's been advised against it by her consultant due to dermatitis flares. Of course after a poo, public bathroom, right now when you come in the house all essential.

Am quite surprised you're not fussed about handwashing re: COVID just because you're young and fit though.

Lovely1a2b3c · 05/02/2021 23:58

@Grossedout12

Thanks for the education WithinAForestDark 🤣🙈 I guess you’ve never made a typo in your life. What a smarty you are.
I think @WithinAForestDark was assuming that it wasn't just a typo- lots of people claim to 'be OCD' and it really contributes to the stigma around what is a debilitating mental health condition- it's a bit like saying 'I'm so cancer'.

With regard to the Flatmate question- I absolutely don't blame you- it sounds disgusting and of course it's your business as you're likely to pick up any infections that she has! You could buy some nice liquid handwash and remark that you've bought it because of the whole 20-second handwash for Covid prevention thing and that you're fine with her using it?

oldegg123 · 06/02/2021 00:04

@Grossedout12

Thanks for the education WithinAForestDark 🤣🙈 I guess you’ve never made a typo in your life. What a smarty you are.
On this one it is a big problem that "I'm so OCD" has made it into common usage- OCD is a mental health disorder with a high mortality rate. Lots of people with the condition are don't get a diagnosis because they have don't have symptoms/obsessions/rituals specifically around being clean despite it being portrayed so heavily in the media. This is why people get pulled up on it!

It's quite a common misuse (along with "schizo") which is why people assume it's not typo I think

oldegg123 · 06/02/2021 00:04

and ignore all my typos, on my phone Grin

saraclara · 06/02/2021 00:08

So you'd rather get her thrown out of her home than have an honest conversation with her.
Do you not realise how selfish and unfair that is?

Aquamarine1029 · 06/02/2021 00:13

Come on, op, you're a grown up so act like one. Talk to her and don't worry about her feelings. She needs a wake-up call, the manky cow.

PattyPan · 06/02/2021 00:13

@saraclara

So you'd rather get her thrown out of her home than have an honest conversation with her. Do you not realise how selfish and unfair that is?
I think that (any mental issues aside) an adult should be capable of realising on their own that you need to wash your hands after using the loo!
saraclara · 06/02/2021 00:19

@PattyPan that's not the point though is it?

No-one should lose their home because they don't wash their hands, or they put away packets of food that aren't sealed. At least not without a warning. And even then it's no legal reason to evict someone

OP is intending asking her landlord to get a new tenant (so evict this one) rather than be a grown up and ask her flatmate to wash her hands please. Covid is the perfect cover for asking, because it makes it less personal. And the flatmate doesn't get evicted.

Londonisburningg · 06/02/2021 00:26

YANBU contact the landlord.

Can’t believe so many people think there’s nothing wrong with not washing your hands.

PattyPan · 06/02/2021 00:28

[quote saraclara]@PattyPan that's not the point though is it?

No-one should lose their home because they don't wash their hands, or they put away packets of food that aren't sealed. At least not without a warning. And even then it's no legal reason to evict someone

OP is intending asking her landlord to get a new tenant (so evict this one) rather than be a grown up and ask her flatmate to wash her hands please. Covid is the perfect cover for asking, because it makes it less personal. And the flatmate doesn't get evicted.[/quote]
OP has the right to live in a safe home too though, and her flatmate’s lack of hygiene puts her health at risk - as evidenced by the insects.

saraclara · 06/02/2021 00:34

OP has the right to live in a safe home too though, and her flatmate’s lack of hygiene puts her health at risk - as evidenced by the insects.

There are two ways she can have a safer home;

  1. Have a conversation with her flatmate
  2. Have her flatmate made homeless

Which do you think is the more mature and fair way to go about this?

Dagnabit · 06/02/2021 00:35

I agree that your flatmate should be washing her hands after using the loo, etc but you're being dramatic. You sound very young. Just have the conversation.

PattyPan · 06/02/2021 00:39

@saraclara

OP has the right to live in a safe home too though, and her flatmate’s lack of hygiene puts her health at risk - as evidenced by the insects.

There are two ways she can have a safer home;

  1. Have a conversation with her flatmate
  2. Have her flatmate made homeless

Which do you think is the more mature and fair way to go about this?

What makes you think talking to the flatware will make her change her ways when an insect infestation didn’t?
SimonJT · 06/02/2021 00:42

Why is it on MN that people never move, but become homeless?

If a rental doesn’t work out people find a new one, they don’t become homeless. If someone chooses to be disgusting they shouldn’t be surprised that people aren’t keen on sharing a home with them.

sst1234 · 06/02/2021 01:37

People defending the flatmate for not washing her hands after going to the toilet really need some hygiene education. Yuck. Nasty.

Josette77 · 06/02/2021 01:47

I'm really grossed out by people thinking it's ok not to wash your hands after you pee. That's disgusting.