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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Those beautiful assets on the side of your head.

73 replies

yabbadabbadootime · 05/02/2021 11:33

Ok.. so name changed, and I guess maybe a tad light hearted?! who knows really, just posting as it has popped up in my mind again..

Last week , DH worked from home for the day due to having to test for covid and awaiting for results. ( came back neg )

Anyway, he is in a managerial role, and has a team of people that he manages and deals with closely on a day to day basis. for context , DH is a very friendly, talkative, chatty ,charming, confident man. that is one of the reasons that I was initially attracted to him , he is very charming with his words.

Anyway, he was on the phone to a team member whilst WFH last week, and during part of the conversation he said to the female colleague - ' you need to use those beautiful assets on the side of your head more' meaning her ears. I laughed at first slightly out of wtf have you just said to her type thing ?! ( I was in the kitchen at the time making DS lunch ) he was working at the kitchen table as no office.

I felt cringed out, and even slightly awkward Maybe I am over reacting, as it was only her ears but seriously , he could have just said her ears right ? I am laughing writing this .

I am not a jealous person , but it has tickled my mind all week, and I have been dying for some Mumsnet opinions .

OP posts:
mildlymiffed · 05/02/2021 11:35

I don't think you need to be threatened at all by it! But I think it is quite sexist... I mean would he say to a bloke "those beautiful things on the side of your head"?!!

I'd feel very patronised if someone said that to me on a work call.

Sparklingbrook · 05/02/2021 11:37

Ewww, that really is not the way to speak to anybody. Would he have said that to a male colleague? Although he's telling her she doesn't listen presumably so maybe she's made a mistake or something?

Worried830410 · 05/02/2021 11:37

I wouldn't be amused. I find it completely inappropriate speaking to a colleague that way. And he sounds like a big flirt rather than 'charming'.

ItsIgginningtolooklikelockdown · 05/02/2021 11:39

Very very patronising

Ponoka7 · 05/02/2021 11:39

He's eventually going to have a complaint lodged against him and it would be upheld. It isn't something that he should be saying.

PurpleDaisies · 05/02/2021 11:40

It’s a totally inappropriate comment to a work colleague.

OliverBabish · 05/02/2021 11:41

That’s patronising as fuck

OrangeSlices998 · 05/02/2021 11:42

So patronising!

Sparklingbrook · 05/02/2021 11:42

Would love to have seen her face when he said it!

ConstantlySeekingHappiness · 05/02/2021 11:42

Patronising and sexist.

Wouldn’t have said it to a man. Not charming at all. And inappropriate.

Aiaiaicorona · 05/02/2021 11:42

Flirty and patronising.

Worried830410 · 05/02/2021 11:43

DH is a very friendly, talkative, chatty ,charming, confident man.

You describe him like this but your example which you find funny isn't Sorry op I would think most people would think of him as a creep talking to women like that.

Kljnmw3459 · 05/02/2021 11:43

It is patronising and awkward.

Minikievs · 05/02/2021 11:43

I don't think that would tickle me.

I'd be really pissed off if I were her. Totally inappropriate on a work call and REALLY REALLY cringe. Yuck.

LightDrizzle · 05/02/2021 11:43

Rude, patronising twat.
Charming my arse!

Sparklingbrook · 05/02/2021 11:44

Does anyone think that if you take 'beautiful' out of the sentence it's a teeny bit better?

Piglet89 · 05/02/2021 11:46

Totally inappropriate.

Even if he’d said “you need to use your ears more”, it sounds like the kind of thing you’d say to a toddler. For example, my pal’s 18 month old son was at nursery this week, and they told her that he needed to “bring his listening ears to nursery” as it sounds like he’s been a bit disobedient!

What your husband said to his colleague sounds worryingly similar. Infantilising women in a professional environment in this way would tends to go like a sack of shit, in my experience.

MrsG30 · 05/02/2021 11:46

Oh my goodness that is not an appropriate comment to make Confused

Movinghouseatlast · 05/02/2021 11:46

Totally inappropriate for the workplace. Could be received as sexist. At the very least it is massively patronising.

Sadly it is the way many men speak to women in the workplace. It isn't even like they think about it- it is how they have seen men speak to women throughout their careers, how they have seen it on TV etc.

It certainly isn't a sign that he wants to cop off with her.

Original poster
yabbadabbadootime · 05/02/2021 11:46

I think when I say I find it funny , not haha funny DH you're so hilarious, but more omg funny, I cannot believe you have just said those words to her type thing. interesting opinions, I even said to him afterwards ' did you really just say that to a work colleague' and he said Oh , you know I meant her ears, it's fine. He clearly thinks it is fine!

OP posts:
Xiaoxiong · 05/02/2021 11:47

I'd be raging if someone said that to me at work, TBH. If he's trying to tell her she needs to listen more, then a) he should only be giving that kind of feedback that if he's her line manager, and b) if he's her line manager, he should be giving her feedback in a professional manner and saying she needs to have more attention to detail when receiving instructions verbally, not saying "you need to use your ears". That sounds like a primary school teacher talking to a 6 year old. Now add in the "beautiful assets" part and it just doubles the cringe.

I don't think you have anything to worry about personally, but he's cruising for a complaint and really needs to rein it in.

Sparklingbrook · 05/02/2021 11:47

@yabbadabbadootime

I think when I say I find it funny , not haha funny DH you're so hilarious, but more omg funny, I cannot believe you have just said those words to her type thing. interesting opinions, I even said to him afterwards ' did you really just say that to a work colleague' and he said Oh , you know I meant her ears, it's fine. He clearly thinks it is fine!
If it was my DH i would be really disappointed. Sad

Why does she need to listen more anyway?

SleepingStandingUp · 05/02/2021 11:49

Condescending rather than sleazing on her I'd say

TheVolturi · 05/02/2021 11:49

I bet she thought, my boobs are on the side of my head??

unmarkedbythat · 05/02/2021 11:49

I'd think my boss was such a dick if he spoke to me like that.