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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Those beautiful assets on the side of your head.

73 replies

yabbadabbadootime · 05/02/2021 11:33

Ok.. so name changed, and I guess maybe a tad light hearted?! who knows really, just posting as it has popped up in my mind again..

Last week , DH worked from home for the day due to having to test for covid and awaiting for results. ( came back neg )

Anyway, he is in a managerial role, and has a team of people that he manages and deals with closely on a day to day basis. for context , DH is a very friendly, talkative, chatty ,charming, confident man. that is one of the reasons that I was initially attracted to him , he is very charming with his words.

Anyway, he was on the phone to a team member whilst WFH last week, and during part of the conversation he said to the female colleague - ' you need to use those beautiful assets on the side of your head more' meaning her ears. I laughed at first slightly out of wtf have you just said to her type thing ?! ( I was in the kitchen at the time making DS lunch ) he was working at the kitchen table as no office.

I felt cringed out, and even slightly awkward Maybe I am over reacting, as it was only her ears but seriously , he could have just said her ears right ? I am laughing writing this .

I am not a jealous person , but it has tickled my mind all week, and I have been dying for some Mumsnet opinions .

OP posts:
CaptainSirTomMooreismyhero · 05/02/2021 12:35

I wouldn't want to be married to a man who speaks to female colleagues like that - patronising and flirtatious in one fell swoop. It does sound like the sleezy behaviour of bosses fancying female team members from years ago. He needs to get with the times. I would actually consider whether his flirting meant he fancied her.

He could do with being read the riot act before he gets into serious trouble.

Original poster
yabbadabbadootime · 05/02/2021 12:37

pretty tempted to show him this thread.. wwyd?

OP posts:
Piglet89 · 05/02/2021 12:38

Seriously, op: if a man said that to me at work (manager or not) I would speak with him and give him feedback that it wasn’t acceptable and why.

If he refused to take that feedback on board, or diminished my complaint in any way, I’d raise it formally through HR.

Piglet89 · 05/02/2021 12:39

I dunno - you’re the one married to him. Do you think showing him this thread would make the blindest bit of difference?

Original poster
yabbadabbadootime · 05/02/2021 12:42

Yes I know I am, I am just on here for advice, and opinions. Probably wont make a difference, as it was a week ago now.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 05/02/2021 12:57

@yabbadabbadootime

Yes I know I am, I am just on here for advice, and opinions. Probably wont make a difference, as it was a week ago now.
Do you think it would've made a blind bit of difference last week then?
TheCrowening · 05/02/2021 13:01

Oh dear, that’s revoltingly patronising and sexist. I would be raising it as an issue if i was her. And if I was you, I’d have the ick pretty badly.

Wendyhause · 05/02/2021 13:02

If I had my youth back and used my "today intelligence" I would have slapped so many faces of the men who thought it acceptable to patronise ladies and young women. Work colleagues I remember and will be in the twat dormitory in heaven now as they were decades older than me are two in particular. One of whom literally patted my head if I did some task well.

!!!Bloody hell if men are still doing this today then something is going horribly wrong. I have encountered men like this recenlty too. The husband of the OP needs to be told nicely that his comment was not only stupid but unnecessary.
Try patting him on his head when you tell him. Smile

Sexnotgender · 05/02/2021 13:02

Wow, he’s incredibly patronising and sexist. Is he usually like that?

Sparklingbrook · 05/02/2021 13:03

I wonder what his patronising response would be to the knowledge you have started an AIBU thread on here about him.

(Although TBF there doesn't seem to be an AIBU and not sure how the vote works)

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 05/02/2021 13:04

Patronising git.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/02/2021 13:14

There are very few perks from working in a primary school but a big one is that mine is a predominantly female staff. Comments like that just wouldn’t happen.

I wouldn’t be feeling jealous if my DH said that. I’d feel gutted that was married to such a knob!

Playnoh · 05/02/2021 13:16

He sounds patronising

Piglet89 · 05/02/2021 13:23

Probably wont make a difference, as it was a week ago now.

The unacceptable nature of his comment is not diminished by the passage of time.

CommanderBurnham · 05/02/2021 13:25

He's a patronising mysogynist. At least you called him out on it.

Movinghouseatlast · 05/02/2021 14:37

I would suggest he books himself onto an Unconscious Bias course. One day he will say something like that to the wrong person and end up giving evidence in an employment tribunal.

It doesn't make him a bad person- it has just become a part of him by hearing others speak to women in that way.

SecretWitch · 05/02/2021 14:43

You husband does not sound charming or funny. He sounds like a twat.

ShesMadeATwatOfMePam · 05/02/2021 14:52

Id report him to HR if he said that to me. If he feels comfortable enough to say that to her in front of his wife, how many more times has he made women feel uncomfortable. Fucking creep.

People see this happening and think "that wasn't right" but it's not enough to report. It's sexual harassment, and the sort of man who says stuff like that - it's ALWAYS the tip of the iceberg.

Piglet89 · 05/02/2021 15:16

Bet you weren’t expecting this kind of vehement response, were you OP?

The frustration at years and years of micro aggressions and sexist assumptions and comments (often from men who just simply aren’t as well-educated or capable as we are) just jumps off the pages.

Hextopus · 05/02/2021 15:27

Wow, totally unprofessional. Not to mention sexist. Surely he can't be in a managerial role with an attitude like that? If he is, it sounds like his employer needs to rethink its recruitment process.

I also think you should show him this thread!

SqeakyHindge · 05/02/2021 15:37

I thought this was going to be about hair clips or something.

The only worry here is that your husband colleague now thinks he’s a patronising arse

C152 · 05/02/2021 15:59

I don't think it's anything to be jealous about, but I'd have a word to him about his sexism! If that's the way he normally speaks to women at work, sooner or later someone will complain to HR.

OldPervsWithNoFannyOfTheirOwn · 05/02/2021 17:47

@Wendyhause

If I had my youth back and used my "today intelligence" I would have slapped so many faces of the men who thought it acceptable to patronise ladies and young women. Work colleagues I remember and will be in the twat dormitory in heaven now as they were decades older than me are two in particular. One of whom literally patted my head if I did some task well.

!!!Bloody hell if men are still doing this today then something is going horribly wrong. I have encountered men like this recenlty too. The husband of the OP needs to be told nicely that his comment was not only stupid but unnecessary.
Try patting him on his head when you tell him. Smile

😂 @ “try patting him on the head”

For full on patriarchy patronising have a gawk at this thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/guest_posts/4153029-Whether-you-were-assaulted-yesterday-or-years-ago-it-can-leave-you-feeling-frightened-upset-and-overwhelmed

Somewhere in Westminster there are a lot of heads needing patting or knocking together

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