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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Those beautiful assets on the side of your head.

73 replies

yabbadabbadootime · 05/02/2021 11:33

Ok.. so name changed, and I guess maybe a tad light hearted?! who knows really, just posting as it has popped up in my mind again..

Last week , DH worked from home for the day due to having to test for covid and awaiting for results. ( came back neg )

Anyway, he is in a managerial role, and has a team of people that he manages and deals with closely on a day to day basis. for context , DH is a very friendly, talkative, chatty ,charming, confident man. that is one of the reasons that I was initially attracted to him , he is very charming with his words.

Anyway, he was on the phone to a team member whilst WFH last week, and during part of the conversation he said to the female colleague - ' you need to use those beautiful assets on the side of your head more' meaning her ears. I laughed at first slightly out of wtf have you just said to her type thing ?! ( I was in the kitchen at the time making DS lunch ) he was working at the kitchen table as no office.

I felt cringed out, and even slightly awkward Maybe I am over reacting, as it was only her ears but seriously , he could have just said her ears right ? I am laughing writing this .

I am not a jealous person , but it has tickled my mind all week, and I have been dying for some Mumsnet opinions .

OP posts:
Piglet89 · 05/02/2021 11:49

That’s fantastic he thinks it’s fine OP. Bet his employer’s HR department wouldn’t agree.

Your reaction is odd as well. It’s not an “OMG funny you said that to her” moment. It’s a “Fucking wind your neck in and stop speaking to female colleagues that way otherwise you’re going to end up in a whole swimming pool full of hot water” type moment.

Pukkatea · 05/02/2021 11:50

I'm astonished that he thinks that's an appropriate way to talk to anyone. Completely unprofessional, patronising and possibly sexist.

Piglet89 · 05/02/2021 11:51

I work with a whole load of sexist, patronising men and it’s an enormous drag, to be honest.

borntohula · 05/02/2021 11:51

I take it to mean 'ears are a beautiful thing because they're super useful...'

Sparklingbrook · 05/02/2021 11:53

@borntohula

I take it to mean 'ears are a beautiful thing because they're super useful...'
Not sure if that's any better, but generous thought.
TroysMammy · 05/02/2021 11:55

I would laugh too as I have hearing problems but can't wear my hearing aid for various reasons. An eloquent way of saying "oi deffo".

yabbadabbadootime · 05/02/2021 11:55

@Piglet89

That’s fantastic he thinks it’s fine OP. Bet his employer’s HR department wouldn’t agree.

Your reaction is odd as well. It’s not an “OMG funny you said that to her” moment. It’s a “Fucking wind your neck in and stop speaking to female colleagues that way otherwise you’re going to end up in a whole swimming pool full of hot water” type moment.

My reaction was most definitely initially like that trust me, but then his reaction to me, made me think I was over reacting, hence the laughing it off . That is why I wanted the second opinion of MN
OP posts:
ShinyMe · 05/02/2021 11:57

I would find it horribly patronising and condescending if my boss said that to me. What they mean is "you're not listening" and I'd much rather they said that, if I genuinely wasn't (which I also bet isn't the case here). It's basically saying 'you're not seeing things the way i want you to therefore I am pretending you're not listening properly'.

napody · 05/02/2021 11:57

Condescending AND sleazy.

Sparklingbrook · 05/02/2021 11:57

would wonder what other delightful phrases he has in his catalogue TBH.

bitliketonyhares · 05/02/2021 11:58

If my boss said that to me I would cringe to near death. That's so weird

Piglet89 · 05/02/2021 11:58

And now you’ve got it. Your initial reaction was correct.

ktp100 · 05/02/2021 11:59

Jeeeezus, could he be more of a patronising bell end?!!

That wouldn't make me jealous but I WOULD be totally embarrassed by my DH acting like that big of an arse towards someone he manages.

Vile.

Sparklingbrook · 05/02/2021 12:01

Jeeeezus, could he be more of a patronising bell end?!!

Good concise summary there.

WorraLiberty · 05/02/2021 12:08

I am not a jealous person , but it has tickled my mind all week, and I have been dying for some Mumsnet opinions.

Christ, why would jealousy come into it?

He's a patronizing twat and all you can think about is there might be a reason for you to be jealous?

Does he patronize you like that too?

Is that why you're blind to it?

Trisolaris · 05/02/2021 12:10

I would find that very creepy and patronising.

ConstantlySeekingHappiness · 05/02/2021 12:18

I’m also now wondering if he speaks to you in this patronising way?

yabbadabbadootime · 05/02/2021 12:19

He has been very patronizing to me in the past, maybe I am just blind to it ?

OP posts:
Plussizejumpsuit · 05/02/2021 12:20

I wouldn't be jealous that he was calling here ears beautiful. However I would be really fucking embarrassed that he was so rude and patronising. He's exactly the type of male manager who is a problem in the workplace. Urg gross.

ineedtogooutlater · 05/02/2021 12:24

God that's an idiotic thing to say

Plussizejumpsuit · 05/02/2021 12:25

On thinking about it actually it would be quite rude to say you need to use your ears more. Very teachery. I'm glad to say I can hear my partner with his all female team when he Wfh (daily) and I've never felt he was rude or patronising.

DeeThree · 05/02/2021 12:27

It's shockingly inappropriate & unprofessional - I think he's risking a complaint to HR taking to a female colleague that way

DeeThree · 05/02/2021 12:28

Taking = talking

Alternista · 05/02/2021 12:28

@Piglet89

That’s fantastic he thinks it’s fine OP. Bet his employer’s HR department wouldn’t agree.

Your reaction is odd as well. It’s not an “OMG funny you said that to her” moment. It’s a “Fucking wind your neck in and stop speaking to female colleagues that way otherwise you’re going to end up in a whole swimming pool full of hot water” type moment.

THIS
Mamapep · 05/02/2021 12:28

I wouldn't feel threatened/jealous, I would think I'm married to a condescending twat.

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