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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

All of my family members forgot my DD 1st birthday

92 replies

HankMarvinjg · 04/02/2021 16:35

Am I being unreasonable to be a bit peed off and let down by the fact all of my family have forgotten my DD 1st birthday? Friends have remembered though. Literally nobody from my family have remembered. Big family too where birthdays have never been forgotten.

OP posts:
Strongerthanilook · 04/02/2021 19:22

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Camphillgirl · 04/02/2021 19:24

At this difficult time lots of people don’t even know what day of the week it is. A heads up a few days beforehand saves everybody heartache. Probably family didn’t mean anything by their lack of attention. Happy birthday little one.

ddl1 · 04/02/2021 19:35

It depends on how much they care about her in general. If this is just a symptom of general indifference, I'd be pretty upset (though one must take into account how stressed and isolated people are at the moment). But I wouldn't be that bothered about the birthday as such. One-year-olds don't have a concept of birthdays. If she was 4 and would care, then I'd be annoyed at others not making the effort; but at one, I don't think it's a big deal.

ButtonMoonPie · 04/02/2021 19:38

I'd be gutted and would struggle with how to bring it up without coming across as a petulant child but would want them to know it hurt me.
I'd be more upset if my family missed my child's birthday than my own - especially a first birthday and especially when you can't do a party to celebrate.

LagunaBubbles · 04/02/2021 19:45

The people that are saying shes only a baby and won't know are missing the point, the OP knows and it's very hurtful.

hulahooper2 · 04/02/2021 20:02

Do you speak to your family , in mine we always talk about birthdays in the lead up to it , ask what they or their children would like etc

huggzy · 04/02/2021 20:03

Two family members forgot DD's 8th birthday and it really hurt! I felt so sad for her.

One of them arrived a few days later with a card and gift- genuinely mortified and full of apologies.

The other never mentioned it. They were actually in our house a few days beforehand, while I was baking her birthday cake, we had a conversation about it... so it's not like they hadn't had a reminder! I'm not one to hold a grudge but I think with this I'll find that hard.

Fucket · 04/02/2021 20:10

I’ve called out my father for his random birthday card /gift giving. Remembering one of my children but not another and causing my forgotten child a lot of upset on her birthday.

I told him if he couldnt be bothered to remember all of their birthdays or send money for one and not the other, he’s done that too, then just don’t bother in future as at least we all know where we stand.

Fucket · 04/02/2021 20:15

It also makes it very easy to work out how much family care about you. The first year of a baby’s life is very difficult for the parents of a child. A first birthday is about as much a celebration of getting through it as it is about the baby’s birthday. Add in lockdown and doing it with minimal support and I would think a recognition that fact means so much more. If family members don’t feel that’s important don’t go busting a gut or getting yourself tied up in knots over whether or not you should put yourself out if they ever need your help.

Take a step back from them and remember this, actions speak louder than words.

MrsToadlike · 04/02/2021 20:21

Crikey I'd be livid. Sorry OP this has happened Flowers

ilovebagpuss · 04/02/2021 22:31

If my widowed 82 year old dad can remember (or write on a calendar) his 4 grandchildren’s birthdays it’s no issue around forgetfulness. It’s lazy thoughtless family you have and for me unless there was major mitigating circumstances I would be really hurt.
It’s not about your DD particularly at 1 it’s about you and your ties with family. When family and friends make an effort for your children it’s like a warm glow of love for you too.
It’s rubbish behaviour.

AIMD · 04/02/2021 22:36

Do you a particularly large family with tons of kids birthdays to remember?
If not I can’t see how they forget. Forgetting when only being reminded last week is odd too....surely at the point if they had forgotten they’d be thinking “oh shit better order something on Amazon tonight”.

VestaTilley · 04/02/2021 23:10

That is just awful. WTF?? There’s no excuse for that. It’s so nasty. I’m so sorry, OP.

Happy birthday to your DC from me.

Meatshake · 04/02/2021 23:31

Not sure what's worse, them forgetting or some of the disgusting replies on here.

They're dicks, OP. Absolute, grade A dicks. Doesn't take much to drop a whatsapp one liner does it.

Greenevalley · 04/02/2021 23:58

20 years ago I genuinely thought dn birthday was 3 days later. I had a df whose child was born in the same month and got the dates mixed.
Unfortunately my dsil made the same mistake.
To this day my dbil and his dw make a point of sending our birthday cards late.
It make for much amusement I must say.

Sorry about your dc though op that does suck, especially gps forgetting.

Original poster
HankMarvinjg · 05/02/2021 06:13

Update - sent a message stating what a lovely day our DD had, she started walking on her birthday too. You couldn't make it up. Apparently 2 of them thought her birthday was tomorrow, but I'm taking that with a pinch of salt. As GP always let siblings know in advance, and it seems 3 atleast were clueless.

OP posts:
Original poster
HankMarvinjg · 05/02/2021 06:16

No excuse though at all though, its not hard to write down the correct date on a calendar. Either way its done, they won't forgot again!!

OP posts:
Original poster
HankMarvinjg · 05/02/2021 06:17

Thanks for all the birthday wishes and kind messages. X

OP posts:
Original poster
HankMarvinjg · 05/02/2021 06:19

@hulahooper2

Do you speak to your family , in mine we always talk about birthdays in the lead up to it , ask what they or their children would like etc
Yes, speak often. We didn't discuss what we would for dd as those days are gone. Its kind of get what your given know. Was very different with the other 8 grand children.
OP posts:
Original poster
HankMarvinjg · 05/02/2021 06:20

@Roselilly36

How awful, why would OP, need to remind them? They are family. Totally inexcusable. Happy birthday to your little one OP, and I suppose the saying you can pick your friends, may be applicable.
Oh totally, blood isn't always thicker than water. I've been aware of this since a child. !
OP posts:
Original poster
HankMarvinjg · 05/02/2021 06:23

@SweetPetrichor

At one year old a baby is barely a person yet. They’re still in a useless spawn stage. They won’t know or care, and couldn’t give a hoot whether they have a gift or not. If they forget when the child is older, then I’d be angry.
I feel for your kids if you have any.
OP posts:
PeggyHill · 05/02/2021 06:27

I'm not really big on birthdays, not usually fussed on people remembering mine, but I think it's really shitty to forget a first birthday. I always make a note in my calendar for close friends and relatives baby's birthdays. I'm genuinely surprised at the PP's saying they wouldn't remember and only the mother cares. That's very rude and self absorbed. This is close family we're talking about- would you really not be bothered about your grandchild's first birthday?! That doesn't make you sound cool and low key. It just makes you sound like a dick.

And for the PP who said you might forget the first one because you copy birthdays from the old calendar onto the new - write the day they were born onto the current calendar. That way it's on there when you're transferring everything over. Little pro tip there Grin

PeggyHill · 05/02/2021 06:29

@VinterKvinna

Oh that is sad but this is a very different year and please don't be too angry. They haven't had the chance to get to know your dd
How is that an excuse for not acknowledging your neice/grandchild's first birthday?

What an awful thing to say.

Erictheavocado · 05/02/2021 06:36

I could never understand how my ILs could 'forget' our dcs birthdays, especially as ours are the first dgc. Now I am a grandparent, I understand it even less. My dcs are now adults and are still ignored whereas the other DC have the biggest fuss made.

OP, I would not be too concerned about the lack of cards - we are still only getting one delivery a week here (large town, not rural) and even Moonpig cards have arrived a few days late for a family birthday this week. I would be very upset though, at the lack of even a whatsapp message on the day. I'm not sire of the solution - I strongly feel that people shouldn't need reminders for dgc birthday (or, actually for dniece or dnephew, but that may just be me) and that anyone who can't make the small effort to remember probably doesn't care enough anyway. To me, that makes any 'asked for ' godd wishes meaningless. Unless there ate really good reasons of course.

happytoday73 · 05/02/2021 07:03

I'm glad she had a lovely day and even walked for the occasion.. That's great. Hopefully your message has shamed them into future action.