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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my maiden name at work?

74 replies

OllietheOwl · 04/02/2021 12:13

I’m about to return to the office after a years maternity leave. Prior to leaving I was known by my maiden name. I still had bank cards, passport in maiden name but always said when I had children I’d change everything to my married name (which I have done).

My maiden name is very unusual and I have built up a solid career under this name. My married name is much more common - for example I’m now officially “Katy Jones” rather than “Katy Vandenburg” (just examples!).

AIBU to keep my maiden name for work purposes only? It would mean my work email etc wouldn’t marry up with my personal documents.

I also have a first name that’s shortened - ie real name Catherine, shortened to Katy.

So potentially it could look like two completely different names: Katy Vandenburg at work but Catherine Jones on paper.

Or should I just get over it and go with my new name?

YABU - you’ve moved on now. Go with your official name and keep it simple

YANBU - keep your maiden name. Your career was based on this and being another Katy Jones will get lost in the system!

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 04/02/2021 12:15

Why would it be unreasonable? This is pretty common, just do whatever you prefer.

AllTheCakes · 04/02/2021 12:15

Absolutely keep your maiden name for professional purposes. I work in the City and very few senior women change their names at work when they marry IME.

SoupDragon · 04/02/2021 12:17

Keep it!

SoupDragon · 04/02/2021 12:17

(And I say that as someone who changed it everywhere)

TooSensibleOfMyDefects · 04/02/2021 12:17

This is what I've done and have never regretted it. I'd say about half of the women at my work have done the same.

I like that if I encounter someone through work that I'd rather couldn't connect me to my personal life/children, it might be just that bit harder.

It's been a minor faff once or twice with bank stuff but nothing major. My payroll people did want my bank account to be in the same name for whatever reason though, so my current account is in my maiden name.

TeenMinusTests · 04/02/2021 12:17

A couple of things to watch out for:

a) travelling for work - the name booked must match the passport

b) the nursery / school ringing in an emergency and asking for Mrs Catherine Jones and them saying, sorry no one of that name here...

If neither of these will be an issue then do whatever you like.

Lilmzsnowflake · 04/02/2021 12:18

The only issue might be if you travel abroad for work and a central office issues the tickets or paperwork, having to make sure it is in the same name as passports etc. But that’s easily dealt with by making sure you state the names clearly if travel is an issue.

I know many women who have professional roles who kept their maiden name for work. Not been a problem.

Insomniacexpress · 04/02/2021 12:18

I kept mine as well for work. In my profession I don’t want to lose a client because someone recommended me by a name I had for most of my career but when new client searched for me they can’t locate me. Same for recruiters.

StylishMummy · 04/02/2021 12:19

I kept my maiden name at work for security purposes. My maiden name and married names are both extremely unique so searchable on the internet. I wanted a degree of separation

Katiepoes · 04/02/2021 12:19

Very common where I work, in fact I'd say changing is more unusual. I don;t know though how many changed outside work of course, the ones I know at that level did not change at all.

Igmum · 04/02/2021 12:21

Keep it. I'm an academic and can never understand why women change their names. It's a massive professional disadvantage. YY to making sure HR and colleagues know in case nursery/school etc call but they should all be pretty familiar with this

redsquirrelfan · 04/02/2021 12:22

@luxxlisbon

Why would it be unreasonable? This is pretty common, just do whatever you prefer.
This.
VinylDetective · 04/02/2021 12:24

It’s very common. I just kept it simple and didn’t change it at all.

Howzaboutye · 04/02/2021 12:24

Keep your name.

mindutopia · 04/02/2021 13:01

I personally would use one name, which ever one you prefer. I had a professional presence before I got married (though was still quite junior). I changed my name to dh's when we married because I didn't want my maiden name anymore (it was my dad's and he was a jerk and I barely knew him - he'd also died years before). I wanted to share a name with someone else as I didn't share a name with anyone, so was quite happy to make the switch. I think it would be a pain to have two different names (in terms of bookings, meeting attendence, etc.) anything your legal name gets put on. But mostly it's just nice to have one identity. No one would know me professionally under my old name now, so in that sense it really didn't matter. I guess it's just more of a question if you prefer your husband's name over your maiden one. I don't go with the one you choose and do it for everything personally.

ShopTattsyrup · 04/02/2021 13:11

I know one of our consultants at work does just that, her very unique maiden surname at work and her very common married surname at home/private. She once said that it's only an issue with pay roll becuase (like you) she is Lizzy Snodgrass in work and Elizabeth Smith with the bank etc.

I think it's fairly common in medicine, I know of a couple of surgeons who have been "Ms Smith and Ms Jones" for years and years and have never changed to their married names.

TinyCake · 04/02/2021 13:26

Not unreasonable at all. Maybe check with HR if they need anything if bank account is in a different name.

Good luck for your return to work.

TakeTheCuntOutOfScunthorpe · 04/02/2021 13:33

You're allowed to, I just wonder whether it will cause you unnecessary complications. For instance if your child is sick at school and they call asking for Mrs Catherine Jones and the person who answers the phone knows you by a different name, they might tell them nobody of that name works here.

Personally I wouldn't do it, I like to keep things simple. It depends on your career though - if you are a TV presenter it's understandable, if you do data entry why bother?

EdithWeston · 04/02/2021 13:33

Work travel can be a bit complex if your passport name does not match work name, driving licence and at least one bank/credit card. But it's all do-able, even though you will have to make sure you check all arrangements carefully

I found it easier to stay me, but be called Mrs DH in places where it was more convenient, but realise that's not an option for you now you've changed. Ditto double-barrelling and using just the half that applies best to the circumstances you are in.

WhatKatyDidNxt · 04/02/2021 13:35

I vote stick with it. I know a fair people who stuck with their maiden name

Kitkat151 · 04/02/2021 13:38

Most people do it where I work.....as do lots of people who have to register with a professional body.....it’s just to much of a ball ache to change it

BikeRunSki · 04/02/2021 13:40

In pretty much exactly the same position I kept my maiden name for work. 12 years later, I am still Mrs Bike at home and Dr Ski at work, with no problem.

WagnerTheWehrWolf · 04/02/2021 13:41

Depressing that this is even a dilemma. Women and name changing madness.

peak2021 · 04/02/2021 13:45

@WagnerTheWehrWolf likewise feel the same as you. I ask women at work who are getting married this only so as to be courteous and refer to them as they would like.

Poledra · 04/02/2021 13:46

Keep it - I have, for more than 20 years.

Also, you can have an observation included in your passport that says 'The holder is also known as ...' . I have my own name and professional title noted in mine (this is for UK passports, I don't know about any others!).