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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Torturing a soft toy

189 replies

justbinthefeckinbyebyebox · 03/02/2021 22:43

Sorry for this in advance!
Is it ever acceptable for a primary school child to cut the eyes out of a teddy bear to use for other purposes?
I need some prospective but I'm horrified!!!

OP posts:
AIMD · 04/02/2021 15:29

@justbinthefeckinbyebyebox

I never showed my own feelings to my child, I let then tell me about it and I made no comment back, that is why I wanted opinions. It wasn't only one child upset either it was a few of the class, mine said they didn't like it.
I don’t understand the context here.

Your child came home and told you about a child doing this at school? How do you know other children were upset or know you dislike the child?
Are you a parent or member of staff?

ScrapThatThen · 04/02/2021 15:33

We used to have all sorts of fun dismembering and torturing Barbie and Action Man. I am surprised the other children were upset.

Crabbypaddy · 04/02/2021 15:49

Thanks, this post has provided great hilarity...people commenting to get social services involved and predicting a child’s future mental health 🤨haha.

Goslingsbird · 04/02/2021 16:00

Even now in my 40s I feel sad if a teddy is thrown out or when people let their dogs tear them to bits. I think I’m hyper empathic. As a child I didn’t want to leave them without saying goodbye to each one. My kids have never been allowed or wanted to disrespect a teddy.

yaboo · 04/02/2021 16:09

I got into trouble, about the same age, as I'd popped out the eyes of a doll with a pen. My nanna reckoned I was 'evil', but actually, I just wanted to see how the rolling eye mechanism worked. (They're on a bar, fastened into the sides of the head). Don't pathologize the kid. She just needed the eyes for something, that's all.

TiersForFears1 · 04/02/2021 16:09

I get the impression you don't like the child?

RedLlama · 04/02/2021 16:09

I remember cutting up 2 beanie babies and sewing them back together all mismatched. Just messing around. I have never wanted to harm any living thing

Original poster
justbinthefeckinbyebyebox · 04/02/2021 16:17

My child tells me what's gone on in their day, don't your's? I'm a parent not a teacher.
I never said I disliked the girl either!

OP posts:
AIMD · 04/02/2021 16:28

@justbinthefeckinbyebyebox

My child tells me what's gone on in their day, don't your's? I'm a parent not a teacher. I never said I disliked the girl either!
Sorry you’re right you didn’t say you disliked her you said “She isn't exactly the nicest child and does like to create upset”. I inferred from that you didn’t like her and also that you had maybe been in class and seen her behaviour to make that judgement.

Of course my child tells me what they do and you are absolutely right to be alert to any comments your child makes about them being upset or distressed.

However what I don’t get from my young children is a full context of what happened at school. Who did what, why someone did something etc.

TiersForFears1 · 04/02/2021 16:36

@justbinthefeckinbyebyebox

My child tells me what's gone on in their day, don't your's? I'm a parent not a teacher. I never said I disliked the girl either!
You said she isn't exactly the nicest child. You've made an attempt to create a negative picture of the child!
VenusClapTrap · 04/02/2021 16:41

Maybe she did do it to create drama. 🤷‍♀️ My brother pulled the head off my doll and stuck it on something else when I was a kid, a bit like the kid in Toy Story (though this was years before that film). He did it to get a rise out of me. And he got one! Some kids just like to do stuff like that; they are interested in the reactions of other kids. It doesn’t mean they’re disturbed; just learning about other people and emotions.

MrsLumsden · 04/02/2021 16:45

My brother used to take my stuffed animals and dolls, shave them, cut them open and sew them back up again...….he wanted to be a surgeon....he actually became a mechanic but hey ho - he is for an older brother painfully normal.

CaptainMyCaptain · 04/02/2021 16:45

I can remember cutting a soft toy open to see what was inside but I didn't grow up to be a torturer (or a surgeon).

grey12 · 04/02/2021 16:47

@justbinthefeckinbyebyebox

It's a girl aged 6 or 7, I don't know if it was precious or not.
If you don't know, then it wasn't

I would talk to her and say that if she needed eyes for a craft project she could ask you about it

Original poster
justbinthefeckinbyebyebox · 04/02/2021 16:47

Yes -VenusClapTrap- I think that's it, she's likes to shock others possibly for attention, although not the right sort!!!

OP posts:
LaceyBetty · 04/02/2021 16:47

"Torturing" is very inflammatory language and doesn't sound at all like that is what was happening.

LaceyBetty · 04/02/2021 16:49

@TakeTheCuntOutOfScunthorpe

That's totally fucked up and a sign of serious potential mental health issues. I would get social care involved.

There was a boy at my school who boasted about how he cut a "vagina" into his teddy bear and had sex with it... when he was 14 he was arrested for rape. Maybe a coincidence, but in hindsight (as an adult) surely that was a warning sign?

OMG! This is not even close to the same thing!!
smoothchange · 04/02/2021 16:52

She isn't exactly the nicest child and does like to create upset!!

Hmm
ChristmasArmadillo · 04/02/2021 16:55

My DD doesn’t anthropomorphize her toys which was odd to me at first because I was far on the other end of the spectrum as a child but actually I think she’s emotionally healthier than I was.

AllesAusLiebe · 04/02/2021 16:56

Ahhh that would've upset me as a kid! I didn't grow up to be especially empathic (far from it, actually . . . ), but was just surrounded by books and stories of bears so I think it took me a long time to realise that they were inanimate.

That said, I don't really agree with the idea of letting a kid 'repurpose' a teddy bear. I'd rather go with the idea that if you don't want something anymore, give it to someone else who will.

FitterHappierMoreProductive · 04/02/2021 17:18

@justbinthefeckinbyebyebox

Why does your own daughter know what torture is? And the name for it? My six year old would never put this label on cutting a teddy’s eyes out for craft use, because she doesn’t know what torture is. It’s not really a six year old appropriate topic is it?

Maybe you need to look closer to home as to where your daughter is learning about adult themes?!

pensivepigeon · 04/02/2021 17:22

It’s not really a six year old appropriate topic is it?

Not really, no but if they like castles most diagrams in books and real life tours include a dungeon/oubliette etc so they might have some idea about it.

FitterHappierMoreProductive · 04/02/2021 17:25

@pensivepigeon

Maybe? But also understand it in such graphic terms? It certainly suggests the child who was allegedly upset is less of a precious flower than the OP would have us believe...

pensivepigeon · 04/02/2021 17:31

Graphic terms. I must have missed that bit. My gist was that neither child is behaving really badly out of the ordinary. You get clashes between children sometimes unfortunately.

Tal45 · 04/02/2021 17:41

I'd just tell your daughter to play with other friends if this child is saying things she finds upsetting. I mean maybe this child will move on to torturing animals and be a psychopath or maybe she'll grow up and be perfectly nice, who knows.