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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nanny - hit me with your thoughts/guidance/experience

84 replies

oblada · 03/02/2021 15:10

Here for traffic really.

My youngest has got some additional needs. As such she requires some extra care and attention. I'm on mat leave and planning my potential return to work (if I do return to work - still considering staying at home too..). Nursery isn't going to an option and nor is a childminder realistic really. So we're looking for a nanny. I've crunched some numbers and I think we can afford it.

We have 3 other children, all will be at school during the day by the time the nanny starts with us (age 4, 7, 10).
I'm thinking of £12 gross per hour for about 36-38hours per week. I'll probably take the 3 kids to school but she will pick them up and have them after school. For the pay - It seems to be average to good in my area (North West, not a major city). I think anyway... well I'm hoping so!

Either myself or my husband are likely to be working from home at any given time during the week (ie between the 2 of us, one of us will be home during the week) but there is enough space for her to make ourselves sparse whilst working. Not planning on micromanaging anything but at least we're there if there is an actual issue to handle related to her additional needs.

What are people's thoughts and advice on employing a nanny?
I'm comfortable with the HR/payroll side due to my professional background, I can handle that myself.

What else should I consider? What should I worry about or plan? I'm trying to set a rate of pay that is good but also doesn't stretch us massively so there is room to manoeuvre for activities for the nanny to take the kids to and also for bonuses if relevant etc.

Any experience on employing a nanny? Any experience of being one and what you liked/disliked?
Just trying to visualise things (I'm a planner and my youngest has thrown quite a spanner in the work when it comes to planning....).

OP posts:

Original poster

oblada · 05/02/2021 10:12

@nanbread

I agree it's low but I live in a different area. You need to think about the desirability of the job. Why would I take £12 to look after 4 DC one with additional needs when I could get the same or more looking after 1 or 2 children?

My advice would be to check references VERY carefully, then check again, check their social media profiles if you can too.

We got burned by a lovely seeeming young nanny through childcare.co.uk who lied to us (fake references and fake employment, massive partier who turned up to work still off her face as it transpired). Pretty hard to prove who is who when previous employers are parents.

Thanks for the input. Really it's mainly looking after 1 child for most of the time (24-30 hours), the other 3 only tag along after school and actually I'd think the other 3 will provide some distraction in the day as they're easy kids and v good at helping with their sister. Plus me/DH will be around. So yes some nannies may not like that but maybe someone young and keen to learn may like the partnership. Overall Ive concluded its a decent package for the area. Fingers crossed! For getting burned - yes I know it's always a risk but we'll be around anyway so minimising this. We had a god awful childminder once so we know the risks (that was after our fantastic childminder so it was a real wake up call...)...

OP posts:

Original poster

oblada · 05/02/2021 10:15

On SNAP I saw some advert for 12.5 per hour for 2 high needs kids so I don't think I'm too far off.
I think our package will actually be 12.5 per hour in reality as I was thinking 36hours per week and 23500 as a salary... Let's see...

OP posts:

SorryPleaseTryAgain · 05/02/2021 12:59

@oblada

Thanks everyone! Vulpius - thanks! Useful thoughts! I think in our case I'm looking for something between an au pair and a formal nanny, I'd like more of a partnership between the nanny and us. I don't need anyone to take over most of what I do, just some help looking after our youngest whilst I'm working... lets see. I think the part re parents being present may have been an issue before but now with covid/working from home/kids off school I feel it may be easier than before to find the balance. My husband has been home working for the past year (and me for 6months) with very minor issues. Initially our 3yrs old would play up a bit but now he's adjusted to that and so have the older kids. They know they shouldn't bother him when he's working but even then his work (and mine) is flexible so he can take breaks etc whenever he fancies and attend to the kids. Fingers crossed I find the right match. So far mostly found interest from young women currently working in nurseries and looking to move to nannying, which may be a good fit... but I'll look at all the options!!

I haven't read through the whole thread but I would suggest clarifying in the ad you place that this is a shared care role. This will put off lots of nannies but it's more likely that you will find the right person who will be happy and stay. The fact that you can both take breaks from your work and attend to the kids when needed would not have been a plus to me as a nanny, as it would mean that at any time suddenly a parent could appear and the whole dynamic would change in the middle of me managing routines, doing an activity etc. I would feel on edge all the time.

More likely a younger, less experienced nanny would be ok with this.
You could also change the role from nanny to mothers help, to indicate that you are still going to be in charge and the person will just be helping you, which means less responsibility for the nanny, so someone with less experience could apply. Obviously this effects what you can expect from the nanny.

Personally as I previous nanny I would never have accepted a shared care role once I had enough experience for sole charge. I did a role where the mother was at home, but it was clear that I was in charge and she would "hide away" to avoid separation anxiety and confusion and basically to allow me to get on with my job with the kids as the adult in charge. That worked quite well.

I hope you find the right person for you!

SorryPleaseTryAgain · 05/02/2021 13:30

@oblada

Just reading through some of your other posts. You say " just some help looking after our youngest whilst I'm working."

Does that mean that the nanny is only responsible for the baby or for all four children, except for during the walk home from school where she is also responsible for the older kids?

When the nanny comes home with the kids from school, are you then finished with your workday and stepping in to take responsibility for the older three, and nanny continues just to look after the baby

-Or are you then stepping in to share the care of all four kids with the nanny -Or are you still going to be working and the nanny will be responsible for all four children, though you will be in the house working and sometimes having breaks You being in the same house doesn't really make a difference, there still needs to an adult who is responsible for them, unless you are actively in charge together with the nanny during that period of time. If the nanny is the one responsible then she IS looking after 4 children, even if the kids are lovely and quite independent. E.g if your four year old chokes on a piece of apple or your seven year old trips and hits his head, is the nanny responsible? Who mediates if two of the children fall out? Who consoles the four year old if they've had a tough day in school? Looking after other peoples children is a huge responsibility and not at all the same thing as being in your own house with your own kids just kind of being "around" doing their own thing.

All of these set up's could work for the right nanny! But they are quite different. I think if you are quite specific about this in your job description things will work out much better! :)

bloodyhairy · 05/02/2021 13:54

Excellent points here ⬇️

Original poster

oblada · 05/02/2021 15:23

All good points, will take on board when re drafting our 'ad' and chatting to prospective nannies!
So far I seem to be getting quite a bit of interest so I'm hopeful our set up will work well with the right person.

I can understand nannies being a bit apprehensive with a more shared approach to childcare but with our youngest it's the only set up that makes sense. I also think it's an approach that will grow as home working is becoming more normal. And finally it is something that I feel will work for us as a family for various reasons.

Thanks!
X

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bloodyhairy · 05/02/2021 15:35

Good luck with it all! There may be a few teething troubles while you all get used to the new set-up, but I'm sure it'll work out fine

Original poster

oblada · 19/02/2021 15:17

Just as an update I've gone ahead with my plan and got quite a few interested nannies, from first time nannies to nannies with 20yrs experience to nannies specialising in additional needs etc. I've interviewed a few and will interview a couple more before arranging a face to face with the one or 2 on top of the list in the coming weeks. All seem lovely to be honest and most were not phased at all by our set up (us working from home in particular). Fingers crossed it works out. So far it is all very positive.
It won't be cheap but it'll be worth it, for us and for the kids.

OP posts:

WellTidy · 19/02/2021 15:29

Excellent. I’m glad you’ve found potential nannies without having to go through an agency.

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