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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Annual leave to attend funeral. AIBU?

57 replies

hillarypcof · 03/02/2021 11:49

It is my aunty's funeral tomorrow, and I have always had the day booked off as annual leave. My line manager is aware that I am attending a funeral.

AIBU to request this is compassionate leave and not my own annual leave?

I understand the policies include "immediate family", but I feel slight resentment in the fact that my colleague (we are a team of 3, 1 line manager, myself and my colleague) has had almost 5 weeks off as "special leave", fully paid, for an array of spurious excuses. These include having to cook a birthday cake for her son's birthday, attending house-viewings and attending to her horse in a local horse field. Seriously..

It is with these in mind that I feel a bit miffed to be using annual leave to attend my aunty's funeral.

Do you think I could request compassionate leave without sounding unreasonable to my line manager?

Thanks x

OP posts:

luxxlisbon · 03/02/2021 11:55

An aunty has never been classed as a close enough relative for bereavement leave anywhere I have worked.
Obviously I'm not saying you aren't close or saying anything about your relationship but in my experience paid time off is usually only for immediate family so parents, partners, children, a sibling possibly.

I'm really just not believing that they give other people paid days off to bake cakes for their children, you probably don't actually know the situation your colleague was in or what was agreed between her and her manager.

murbblurb · 03/02/2021 11:59

sorry for your loss.

no, that would not be a reason for compassionate leave.

your colleague is either having sex with the manager (a common reason for special treatment) or something else is going on, because none of those are reasons for special leave.

StillGoingToWork · 03/02/2021 12:00

At our place it would be AL.

Mum, dad, child, sibling is compassionate leave.

Moondust001 · 03/02/2021 12:01

We would not give compassionate (or any other kind of) leave for the funeral of anyone other than an immediate family member. It would be annual leave.

I find it hard to believe that anyone gets paid special leave to bake a cake.

BarbaraofSeville · 03/02/2021 12:02

Sorry for your loss.

Companies usually have a policy as to who would warrant special leave and an Aunty wouldn't usually be included, unless maybe she adopted you and brought you up so had a parental role in your life.

However, the situation between you and your colleague seems bizarrely unfair. Maybe there's something going on that you don't know about? Could she have made the time up at other times? Or you have a terrible manager? Or she actually annual used leave and you're mistaken?

But I'm not sure that I'd want to be aspiring to copying a piss taking colleague's ways if that's what it is, because if there's ever a situation where they have to let one of you go, she's going to be first in line by a long way.

Do you actually need to save the annual leave? It's not like you can use it to go away is it? I think if it was me, I'd just use the annual leave, as is within policy for the situation. After all, in some employers, merely getting the day off at short notice, paid or unpaid, is not a given, you'd be expected to swap shifts to maintain cover levels.

Findahouse21 · 03/02/2021 12:02

As a manager I wouldn't ask you to use annual leave unless I thought you had been to a lot of funerals already and were perhaps taking the mick a bit. However I do think it's something that you caN't really request if it's outside the policy, you would need to wait to be offered.

Sorry for your loss

DragonMamma · 03/02/2021 12:03

It wouldn’t be included for compassionate leave with my place of work either.

I think your colleagues arrangements are a separate issue almost. I would raise those separately. Although I’m surprised at some of the reasons you’ve mentioned - I wonder whether they are a ruse to hide something else (mental health or something 🤷🏼‍♀️)

islockdownoveryet · 03/02/2021 12:09

I doubt very much a colleague has had’ special leave’ to bake a birthday cake .
If someone wants to use annual leave to bake a birthday cake they can if it’s approved, annual leave is to do whatever you wish .
Compassionate leave is often discretion and it’s unlikely you will know the reasons why and to be honest it’s none of your business why .
Compassionate leave is usually immediate family , if you didn’t want to use a days annual leave then speak to your line manager about it .
But do not turn round and say it’s not fair because so and so has had compassionate leave as I suspect you are wrong on your information and you will look silly .

Shoxfordian · 03/02/2021 12:09

It wouldn’t count where I work
Your colleague is irrelevant

Puffalicious · 03/02/2021 12:15

It's tough,OP. My best friend died in August - very suddenly and young (she took her own life) and whilst work were great and I got the day of the funeral off as leave, the few days I had off afterwards had to be sick leave (I'm a teacher so can't take annual leave).

Work admitted it was awful, as we are often closer to those who are not ' immediate family' but policy is policy.

Ch3rish · 03/02/2021 12:18

Unfortunately not compassionate leave at my work either

Sorry for your loss

RuthW · 03/02/2021 12:20

It's usually to take annual leave other than for a parent, child, spouse or sibling.

LastInTheQueue · 03/02/2021 12:21

I’m very sorry for your loss.
In my workplace, it would be counted as compassionate leave, and I’m surprised so many people work for companies where it wouldn’t be.

Then again, I am aware my company is incredibly generous and flexible when it comes to leave and personal issues - my manager had me take a few days off (paid and not out of my AL) when my cat was run over.

ShirleyPhallus · 03/02/2021 12:24

I’d be very surprised if your colleague had time off to bake a cake. How do you know she’s not off with stress and happens to be baking a cake in her free time?

Compassionate leave would be usually for immediate family only, not an aunt, at my workplace. Sorry for your loss

DowntonCrabby · 03/02/2021 12:26

You’ve got the day off which is the main thing.

sorry for your loss.

Your colleague sounds utterly unprofessional and a piss taker, that’s really not something to be jealous about.

LIZS · 03/02/2021 12:30

Sorry but it is the norm for funeral of a non immediate relative.

Palavah · 03/02/2021 12:31

Sorry about your aunty. Are you sure your colleague was paid for this special leave?

MadameButterface · 03/02/2021 12:34

Sorry for your loss, but as others have said you probably don’t know the full facts about your colleague’s circumstances. You can always ask, but be prepared to be turned down.

Confusedcabbage · 03/02/2021 12:34

It wouldn't be counted as compassionate leave where I work however every boss I've had would have given it to me off the record

x2boys · 03/02/2021 12:38

Yes years ago I had to take annual leave for my cousin,s funeral ( NHS) I got compassionate leave for my Grandparents funerals but this was 20 + years ago it was usually just immediate family

CorianderBee · 03/02/2021 12:42

You can but I doubt you'll get it.

EBearhug · 03/02/2021 12:45

Our policy is also parent, spouse, child or sibling, but others may be allowed at manager's discretion. As our roles sometimes involves out of hours work at night or weekends, we might also have the option of time off in lieu. Not to bake a cake, though (except TOIL, as that doesn't need justification, though the timing still needs agreement.)

x2boys · 03/02/2021 12:46

Regarding the colleague could it be parental leave my Dh has on occasion taken emergency parental leave we have a disabled child and occasionally he's needed to .

PicaK · 03/02/2021 12:47

What your colleague has is irrelevant. And she may have leave but is she being paid?

MereDintofPandiculation · 03/02/2021 12:49

Your colleague sounds as if she doesn't want to share her personal details with you.

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