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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s impossible to maintain mental health now

90 replies

Sunnydays999 · 02/02/2021 14:27

I’m struggling now . You keep hearing look after your mental health , but we can’t . The things I need to do aren’t available.Arguing more as a couple snapping more at the kids . Anyone else feel like this ? Or have any tips

OP posts:
FossilisedFanny · 02/02/2021 14:30

It sounds a bit cliched but don’t sweat the small stuff, try and relax your standards.

GooodMythicalMorning · 02/02/2021 14:31

Im struggling, but then I struggled before. Struggling more now.

SummerHouse · 02/02/2021 14:32

Yes. I have been nearly crying today. Alternating with rage. My children said I acted like a toddler today. Sad fact is that I did. I just keep thinking, tomorrow I will be better. Blush

MildlyattractiveBetty · 02/02/2021 14:32

YANBU OP

Name changed for this one! I’ve just been prescribed sertraline because I cannot cope with this anymore. Homeschooling dc, jobless ill dh and a team at work who have no children and no sympathy with no offer of time off from the company.

I’m completely broken.

listsandbudgets · 02/02/2021 14:34

Try to get some time every day by yourself even if that means a long hot bath when the children are in bed or just standing out in the garden with a cup of coffee for 15 minutes.

I find getting up half an hour before everyone else helps me prepare for the day in a calm environment and drink my only cup of tea of the day I actually finish in peace

Lower your standards and let them eat junk food from time to time it probably won't kill them... and who really cares if the kitchen floor isn't swept today it will still be there tomorrow.

Buy some nice things that are just for you - chocolate, better quality shower gels etc.

listsandbudgets · 02/02/2021 14:35

^^ PS I'm also absoultly with you I feel awful and keep crying for no reason but I do find the htings above seem to ease things a little bit for me

Original poster
Sunnydays999 · 02/02/2021 14:36

I have mental health problems anyway and they were helped with medication and practical activities. This is where I struggle. My coping mechanisms are shut !
The gym
Seeing friends
Swimming
Getting out the house
I also find winter hard . I just feel I have nothing to fall back on

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnydays999 · 02/02/2021 14:37

I know I can do exercise in the living room . But I miss the gym and getting out - peace from everyone . I miss seeing my friend . Husband and me arguing loads as we are under each other’s feet to much

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 02/02/2021 14:37

That's exactly how I feel, all my coping mechanisms have been taken away. People care but all they can offer are phone and zoom calls that make them feel better but don't help me.

kerkyra · 02/02/2021 14:39

First time I cried today since I can remember.
I feel I should be coping as I'm self employed and not working so here to help 13yr old ds. But today he locked himself in his room for the first time,yelling and crying that he hates me and his life. He has autism and has coped ok so far. But now saying the work is too hard,too much and has friendship problems so feels lonely.
Just been for a walk to the shop to get sweets and some air( 10 minutes!) .
Everyone I see just looks so worn down now.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/02/2021 14:43

I am bored and fed up but my mental health is fine. I know I have no control over the situation so can't stress about it.

melononapear · 02/02/2021 14:43

I have good days and bad days op, no real reason why.

On good days I can be positive and focus on the things I can do - go out for walks, watch interesting things on tv, try new exercise videos, cook, have phone calls with friends/family, decorate etc.

Bad days (like today) I just feel completely weighed down by the relentless misery of it all. No job. Single. Family all miles away. Weather awful. Virtually no money so I have to carefully think about and plan everything I eat in case I run out of food before pay day. I feel utterly pointless and like a waste of space, each day just finding ways to kill the time until I can go back to bed!

So so lonely and fucking bored senseless! But it's not every day and it could be a lot worse.

whatisforteamum · 02/02/2021 14:48

It is not impossible.TBh I've had dreadful MH for years these are the things I've learnt.
1 keep a structure same wake up time and bedtime
2 Try to do something constructive each day however small.
3 try to make this a self improvement time I've cut right back on drinking not that I drank loads before.
4Text others they will be lonely or struggling too
5 inexpensive bath foam
6 keep a positives diary there will be things you are grateful for I have a beautiful daughter I can't see but I'm grateful she is well
7 walk everyday
8 bang on some good music
9 Remember better days and Spring are coming

nanbread · 02/02/2021 14:50

It's hard, certainly.

I'm really resenting the lack of time for myself and the lack of freedom to just make decisions for myself - can't just take a day's holiday off work to chill out, can't go for a walk by myself on my lunch break etc.

What do you need to do?

whatisforteamum · 02/02/2021 14:50

It is hard for parents of young dc.I don't envy the home schooling you have my sympathies.

nanbread · 02/02/2021 14:53

@Sunnydays999

I have mental health problems anyway and they were helped with medication and practical activities. This is where I struggle. My coping mechanisms are shut ! The gym Seeing friends Swimming Getting out the house I also find winter hard . I just feel I have nothing to fall back on
Depending on where your friends are you can still meet up with them for exercise / a walk. Being able to do this helps me loads. Fresh air, getting out away from the people I live with, and seeing a friend in one.

I know the gym isn't replaceable but how about signing up to an online gym as a treat where you can maybe find better classes and a support system?

nanbread · 02/02/2021 14:56

@Waxonwaxoff0

I am bored and fed up but my mental health is fine. I know I have no control over the situation so can't stress about it.
I wonder what your situation is... Having two young DC one with additional needs at home 100% of the time, both demanding of me from 6am-8pm, I am never really bored, but it's exhausting and often stressful.
Chwaraeteg · 02/02/2021 14:56

Sorry, I hit yabu by mistake. I meant yanbu. The things people rely on in ordinary times, to keep themselves on an even-keel are completely unavailable. Family & friends (if you have them),holidays, treats, free time for self care (for those of us with children home), days out/changes of scenery. N addition to this, the future is so uncertain that we can't look forward. All we can do is look at the shitty present or the past - and all the things we miss!

We accept that people struggle in ordinary times yet some people seem completely unwilling to accept how difficult lockdown has been on mental health, with all of the additional stressors and lack of available coping strategies. I've seen so many facebook posts along the lines of 'what are people complaining about, we are just being asked to sit home and watch Netflix for a few weeks / it's not as bad as the 2nd world war' etc.

colouringindoors · 02/02/2021 15:01

It is really hard now OP. I totally sympathise. Lots of my coping options aren't available either.
For me, i try and go for a walk every day even just 20 mins. Recently I've been looking out for signs of spring which is helping a little. I am currently laid on sofa eating chocolate and not beating myself up about it. I have other health probs too. Do you have any mental health support? A good friend you can speak to on the phone? Try and be kind to yourself. Things Will improve with spring coming.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/02/2021 15:02

It’s not impossible but a lot of people I know are dealing with anxious or depressed feelings for the first time in their lives.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/02/2021 15:03

@nanbread I'm a single parent of a primary DC but I'm going out to work as I can't WFH so not much has changed there. I would find it harder if I were at home all day I think.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/02/2021 15:06

Interestingly my mum has had depression for decades and been a committed Christian for years and she found the first lockdown pretty tough going living on her own, away from us and her usual support networks. She’s recently swapped church stuff for Buddhist meditation, ditched the antidepressants and is the calmest and most contented I’ve known her. She’s sailing through this lockdown.

RollerGirl7 · 02/02/2021 15:08

I massively am not coping.

Currently sat in a car park bawling my eyes out about why I am so angry and sad all the time. I cannot cope any longer with homeschool or the loneliness of lockdown.

I spent an hour building up the courage to call the gp and tell them I need to speak to someone quite urgently (ideally a woman). They offered me an appointment on 25th fFeb, I cried and begged and said that can't be the soonest someone can get help so she went away and asked her manager and said they could do 23rd Feb.

I literally don't know what to do, j can't go on feeling this way and nobody seems willing to help

Hollanda40 · 02/02/2021 15:34

Some days I'm fine. Others not so much!!! It's just so depressing!!!!! Like Groundhog Day. Every day feels the same. Even weekends. :( I'm sick of the people who say oh be grateful you're healthy etc just stay safe. I'm sick of the constant stay safe messages on buses and in shops. I'm sick of the variants and mutations. I thought with the vaccines we'd be better off. :( It's all doom and gloom now with no way out!!

Notadramallama · 02/02/2021 15:36

It's not impossible, my mental health is fine. I do feel for all those that are struggling though.