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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed that my sister has sent me postal flowers and....

151 replies

Overseasmom100 · 01/02/2021 23:31

Every year for my birthday my sister sends me postal flowers from a high street shop and every year they turn up either half dead, or nothing like the pictures online. Every time she ends up complaining and every year makes me feel bad shes wasted her money usually £35-40.

Last week she said I'll send you some flowers and we had a conversation that not to bother as they arent great usually...and a card would be lovely etc...

So today a box turns up flowers stuffed inside...mainly dried up and very poor in fact I dont think they will last 2 days. I thank her by text... she asks if they were lovely and for photos...I send her photos ...she goes all funny and annoyed that they arent good...and so it starts again...this has been going on for ar least 5 years.

OP posts:

dottiedaisee · 02/02/2021 00:18

I think you have been very unlucky...I have had postal flowers and have never been disappointed.

SunsetSenora · 02/02/2021 00:18

Wow - you lot would make great detectives. That would never have crossed my mind about the refund. Doesnt sound like she is going to change I am afraid.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/02/2021 00:19

@Overseasmom100

I asked her that why send them... "Because I wanted you to have something nice"...what will happen now ....happens every year. She will complain...they will resend another type ..plus put in a voucher or something...she will text several times to update me....it will go on for days...it's draining...I dont have time for all this crap... JUST DONT SEND THEM TO BEGIN WITH!!!!!

Have only read OP's posts so apologise if this has already been raised. but - what is your relationship with your sister like?

Surely nobody is this - stupid? Most people, when a retailer lets them down, doesn't use that retailer again. And yet - your sister does. Why? I'm going to suggest something unpleasant for the 'why'.

She orders repeatedly from a retailer who she knows from experience will deliver substandard goods. When someone undertakes an action, they expect an outcome. Her action is placing an order. She cannot expect that order to be adequately filled, it never has been before. The actual outcome is that she initiates a drama which you find draining. So - what is your relationship with your sister like? Because either she likes pissing you about, or she's dumb as a rock.

Scarby9 · 02/02/2021 00:20

3 years of monthly letterbox flowers for my mum from Bloom and Wild and she has only ever had fabulous displays.
They turn up looking dead ('sleeping' to quote B&W), but open up over the next fortnight to look wonderful. Here are this month's, one week in.

To be annoyed that my sister has sent me postal flowers and....

BlueThistles · 02/02/2021 00:22

@CorianderBee

It's probably because she complains and they refund her the money. So it's like she got you a present but didn't have to actually spend anything...

This...

I know M&S refund 100% immediately 🌺

CSIblonde · 02/02/2021 00:42

Do they give her a nice discount voucher to shut her up maybe? If it's the same shop they'd get wise to it, surely & just send you a new bunch? Ask her!

Chocolateraincloud3 · 02/02/2021 00:48

Are they all from the same place? I’ve found with flower deliveries they always look terrible. I had some delivered and they looked nothing like their picture and nearly complained. But after a day or two they really come through and bloom nicely.

ItsAllComingBackToMeNow · 02/02/2021 00:57

I would honestly be tempted just to go, they’re lovely, thanks. If she’s asks for photos, send and say here, look how beautiful.

If she won’t engage with you telling her not to send flowers, you don’t need to engage with the drama of her complaining.

Tavannach · 02/02/2021 01:01

Tell her you'd rather have chocolates or alcohol or both.

Lalliella · 02/02/2021 01:10

Happy birthday OP! Have these:

TheOtherBoelynGirl · 02/02/2021 01:16

@ItsAllComingBackToMeNow

I agree with this. Unnecessary drama over nothing really. I wouldn't even bother sending the photo, I don't think.

Changechangychange · 02/02/2021 01:17

[quote Poorlykitten]@WagnerTheWehrWolf really? Bloom
And Wild are terrible in my experience. I’ve used them 3 times and ever time they’ve turned up half dead and late.[/quote]
Maybe it depends how far you are from the depot? DBro always buys me some for my birthday, mine are still looking ok tonight and my birthday was more than two weeks ago (I’ve taken a few dead ones out, and I change the water every couple of days).

PussyCatInChristmasStockings · 02/02/2021 02:23

@Overseasmom100

Reject the replacement? send them back and stop replying to her texts about it other than "ok".

hannayeah · 02/02/2021 02:33

If they are really that terrible and she keeps doing this, next time I’d tell her they are lovely and refuse to send a picture. Then throw them away.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/02/2021 02:50

I also thought it was for a refund so this becomes a non present. If this isn’t the case, something is going on to make her do the same thing over and over and giving here some kind of pay off. By sending a photo each time and responding to her texts, you are allowing her to set the narrative and cause you massive frustration year on year. I would deduce therefore at some level she enjoys this.

So the obvious question to me would be, was she very jealous and competitive growing up? Was your birthday treated as more special or were you the favourite? Or was it the opposite and she a spoiled princess, who cannot have you in the limelight even for one day?

I think the only thing you can do is to take back control. For this, you will need to change the narrative. That will mean doing something different. You do have options. You could refuse to send photos and refuse to engage. You could screenshot the photos from previous years and send them on with a comment that you are not going down this route. You could even go to your local florist and get them to make a duplicate bouquet and send a photo of them.

Tbh I’d be doing the third. That last one is a real pain. However, it will get her off your back. And if she buys you these flowers because she gets some kind of kick off from the backlash, you’re shutting it down. The bonus is she may even stop buying you flowers in future as you won’t be giving oxygen to an tantrums and cutting off her ability to create drama.

Italiangreyhound · 02/02/2021 02:52

Tell her you have developed an allergy to flowers and want chocolates or fudge instead.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 02/02/2021 02:56

I ordered my mum flower's from B&W and they were lovely. Got a bigger bunch as had £10off code.
Took a couple of days for them to wake up but they were lovely and outlasted her other flowers by over a week.

Are people thinking they're dead when just not bloomed yet?

TaraR2020 · 02/02/2021 03:00

@Ledkr

Bloom and wild have also turned up half dead for me twice

Yes me too! They're usually brilliant but got some a couple of weeks ago for a friend's birthday and they were 2 days late and never recovered. They were dispatched on the day they were meant to arrive and were travelling all that time...I got a refund

PeggyHill · 02/02/2021 03:05

Is there more to this? Does she secretly hate you?!

It's so weird that she would keep doing this every year.

Soubriquet · 02/02/2021 05:17

The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results...

KarmaNoMore · 02/02/2021 05:25

I am so thankful my family send me an amazon voucher now instead if the dreaded Inter flora flowers. Absolutely shit each time.

I have found that filling the sink with cold water and submerging the flowers on it revives them to an “aceptable” way, but yes, still very much crap considering the amount of money the sender paid...

JaimeLeeCurtains · 02/02/2021 05:29

@Ledkr

Bloom and wild have also turned up half dead for me twice

I remember the first time I was sent B&W flowers I thought they were (a) weeds, and (b) dead, but I followed the instructions and a couple of days later they really started to bloom, and they were really good for two weeks.

I was pleasantly surprised.

November2018 · 02/02/2021 06:25

Maybe she struggles for money and uses Next vouchers she gets given for her birthday to buy them for you. Or, needs to buy them on credit and that’s the only store account she has. Or, she gets a discount via a work reward scheme.
I think the problem lies with Next’s customer care team and not your sister. Try contacting them because they’re letting your sister down. Nobody wants to waste precious money on rubbish flowers for manipulative reasons.

Cissyandflora · 02/02/2021 06:31

It’s got to be for the refund. She gets to tell you she’s spent 30. She then gets money back and perhaps a bit more.

knitajumperfromthat · 02/02/2021 06:34

She maybe has a voucher to spend from last year's dud present?

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