I don’t like this life.

[Maskedminger]

It’s been almost a year, everything changed, am still suffering from covid from March, am inside for 12 hours per day with my toddler. My ‘Old’ life seems a far away, distant memory, the only highlight is going to do the food shopping, feel there’s nothing to look forward to.
I’m starting to feel just nothing inside, anyone else?

@Sadbadglad, I'm so sorry for your loss, and I know just how hard that is (I lost my partner at the beginning of November).

It must be so hard for you having to shield as well. I'm finding it hell, but at least I can see my support bubble household.

This won't last for ever. It just can't.

@roarfeckingroarr- talk to your GP- don’t let yourself slip. Xx

I’ve reached my limit this week. Until now I’ve been okay. We’re lucky, privileged, safe, healthy, employed, live in a nice area, etc. But this week it’s like I’ve just completely run out of any reserves I had. I totally relate to the numb, dead inside feeling.

DH still goes to work every day and doesn’t get home until 7.30. I am stuck at home with three children, homeschooling two of them. It’s very cold here at the moment and it’s hard to get out for walks. The youngest DC starts complaining of being cold after about 15 mins. And it’s so muddy everywhere. So we’re not even getting outside that much. I can’t exercise properly.

I can’t see my friends or my family. I don’t speak to any other adults all day apart from DH when he gets home and my uni colleagues on a zoom once a week for an hour.

I feel like a prisoner. I desperately want to get in the car and just drive but I know that eve night if I did, everything would be shut when I got wherever I was going.

I want to cry about half term. All my kids do when they’re not homeschooling is go on screens. We have all completely lost the will to do fucking baking or fort building or any if that stuff. We’ve done a year of it already.

If we get to the 8th March and they extend lockdown again I’m scared for what that will do to my mental health.

Malificent, it doesn’t seem to be about vaccinating teachers.

If you vaccinate them, schools still won’t stay open. Firstly, they still have to isolate if they come into contact, despite being vaccinated. And so do the kids. So ‘bubbles’ can burst just like before.

And secondly, vaccinating teachers, whilst I would support it, does not help community transmission.

I think it would make teachers feel better but I’m not sure there’s any science to support it. I’d personally plump for vaccinating teachers over 40 but still it’s just something to protect the individual teacher, it doesn’t help keep schools open.

It’s shit - I agree. DH and I have been wfh since last March. While we’re lucky in that we have space to have two fully working offices in our house, it’s relentless. Get up, shower, work all day with a short break for lunch. Work all afternoon/ he works in the evening sometimes too. Go for a walk in the dark as can’t get out in the day, make dinner, eat, watch some tv and bed. So monotonous.
I used to travel a lot with work - was away overseas almost every month, so my wanderlust is at breaking point!! Haven’t seen family since august / September when we were out of brief lockdown. Both sides live hours away so can’t even say hello from the roadside. No holiday booked. No restaurants open, missing going to the pub and SEEING PEOPLE. I swear I’ve forgotten how to talk to people now and am so sick of video calls it makes me not want to do them anymore, esp as we spend all day on them. Gawd. Beam me up.
What I don’t understand is how we’re in worse position now with no sign of lockdown ending when there are so many people who have been and are being vaccinated. Surely we should be in a better position now and be able to just get on with living, because we’re not doing that right now, just existing.

Agree with all this. In some ways it’s deeply comforting to know you aren’t alone. Misery loves company.

I think I’m a positive person, but having been in isolation as DH has COVID has been wearing, homeschooling, toddler, boredom . I don’t think you can understand if you aren’t going through it.
I normally speak to my husband in the evenings but he has been isolating from us. Plus he doesn’t understand as he has been ill (which is obviously crap) but normally goes to work so escapes Groundhog Day. I’m on furlough but being pressured to work and I normally love my job but I was tempted to tell my boss to really fuck off. Reality is I will need a job after all this!

I definitely hit a wall this weekend and just didn’t wAnt to talk to anyone - what is there to say? I hate zoom!

I would say whilst it is important to let yourself feel it and talk about how you feel (as it is shit on all parts!) we all need to try and find a way to get through it. This in no way doesn’t appreciate how crap this is!!! Sometimes you just need to let it out!

Any positive suggestions that don’t involve gaining loads of weight!
Advice I need to take:

Be kind to yourself
Try and make time to exercise each day - I’ve been doing at home workouts (still managed to gain weight but I do feel better after - nit so good now I realise all the wine has caught up with me!)
Try to achieve something - I have a number of books and exercises I want to w niece this year - gives me a sense of achievement - I feel a bit lost without a achieving anything - no matter how trivial it is,

Plan things in the future. I have booked a uk summer holiday . . .
If you can afford to buy a few treats for the weekend - new game, pjs Lego set? I don’t understand how people are saving money!
I’m considering trying to have a little valentines party with the kids just to break things up.
A bath at the weekend with a book and glass of wine?
Face mask
Planting seeds sounds good.
Alternate a lie in with your partner.
I watched the new Disney film soul - was nice

Any other suggestions of getting through this shit show? Appreciate what works for one doesn’t work for another!!!

Anyone having really dark thoughts please speak to your doctor!!!

There is no need to compare yourself to people who have had it shitter in history than you have, and there’s no need to compare yourself to people who might be in a shorter situation than you now.

If you feel like shit because of this situation it’s completely understandable.
It doesn’t matter if you’re a multimillionaire trapped in your mansion crying int your champagne flute, of if you’re stuck in a tiny flat as a single mother with 6 kids in a city centre. The feelings of desperation, uncertainty and fading of hope are feelings they everyone is having and it’s OK for it go get to you no matter what your home situation is, because these times we are living are unprecedented, unusual, stressful and worrying.

There is very little to look forward to at the moment and it does become difficult if you’re someone who likes to thing long term rather than have to exist in the “now”.

However the one thing we can absolutely guarantee is that we are heading out of the winter back into lighter and longer and warmer days. Things WILL get better. We will be able to see people and go to places gradually and eventually. This is all totally guaranteed. There is hope, and you can’t take away the fact that the world keeps spinning.

Stay strong people.

It’s the fucking adverts that get me, on the tv on the radio, in the newspapers, at the supermarket, on street lampposts. Yes we bloody know it’s dangerous!
Don’t get me started on the vaccine. Apparently it does give you protection from Covid and you can still pass it on, so what’s the point?

Just to be clear - I don’t give a fuck about Covid anymore either. No, I don’t care about people who have it. I don’t care about people who’ve been disabled by it. You know why? Because I’ve been disabled for over a decade, and I have 2 disabled children, and nobody ever gave a fuck about disability before it was due to Covid. Tbh, they still won’t give a fuck. So I’m not wasting my fucks on people who were selfish enough to not care about it before this shit. I’m not even sorry.

I want my life back.

I have a perfectly good marriage but after nearly a year of being together in a weeny London home with hardly any external stimulation I am eyeing the patio slabs and rightmoving Loft apartments at the other side of the country.

I am feeling happy and optimistic today.
The rates are coming down fast and things will be eased within weeks.

The war analogies are so idiotic...

People were still able to have human contact then and were not locked in their homes almost 24/7 and this was an enemy we could actually fight.

These endless lockdowns are robbing us of all that makes us human with no hope in sight. Of course we are suffering.

All the self-righteousness is also extremely tedious. You can only repress your basic human needs and instincts for so long.

On one hand vaccination programme going well. Oth new SA variant a pain and what about more turning up.

Overall I feel pretty numb, esp to high numbers on it. Unless they are going down then I do want to hear them.

March 8 seems ages away and I hope we see change. If not it’s going to be really hard

I don't see the point in living like this, if someone knew the future and said this is how the rest of my life will be, I would end it...

My grandma is also dying, likely within the next couple days. I live an hour away and am not allowed to see her. No one is, she is going to die without her family in a sterile and cold hospital. On the occasions that I have mentioned it to a friend or work colleague, all they fucking say is 'Oh, is it COVID?' Nothing else. They almost seem disappointed when I say no, it isn't fucking COVID, there are other things that kill people you know!!!

ANYWAY.

@canipressthebackbuttonplease I’m so sorry about your grandma. It must be infuriating for you when people ask if it’s Covid!

OP, you’re not alone. It’s like we’re no longer living but existing.

I’m also so sick of everyone’s Covid fear too. How angry and fearful it has made many people. When out walking yesterday a masked up couple on a very wide but rural road fully crossed over to the other side then crossed back again once we’d gone past. I was stunned. They were masked, outdoors and still felt it necessary to give us a ten metre wide berth. The world has gone mad!! They looked consumed with fear. It Nadeem so sad.

^^ made me

Same here.
I live in a quiet cul de sac.
I heard voices outside. My neighbour and ex neighbour, they are friends chatting, pulled on my coat, was sunny but freezing and went and chatted to them.
We stood for a good half hour.
Then my dd showed up, so we chatted for a bit more, and the new neighbours, the other side of her house turned up aand we chatted more again
We were all frozen when we called it a day..but it felt good.
This never happens.
Certainly not in end jan/ beginning of feb.
Was as good as a day out.
Think everyone has reached the fuck it stage now.
Come March 23rd when we went into lockdown a year previous, if we don’t see signs of huge improvements, there’s just going to be massive breakouts.

People are already rebelling in their own quiet way.
Loads of trades are working.
We aren’t as naive as last year and people are putting two and two together.

@Fairyliz

It’s the fucking adverts that get me, on the tv on the radio, in the newspapers, at the supermarket, on street lampposts. Yes we bloody know it’s dangerous! Don’t get me started on the vaccine. Apparently it does give you protection from Covid and you can still pass it on, so what’s the point?

Watched no news since about 2018. Don’t put tv on apart from Netflix Never put it on at all yesterday I just have taught myself to tune out arrows, tape etc as it gives me sensory overload.

I’ve no fucks left to give, apart from family and close friends.
A friend texted to tell me her neighbour was taken to hospital.
Nope..all out of fucks!

@flackattack
I’m getting through it by seeing family.
It’s the only way.

@CountessFrog

I agree that the government have no idea.

The government comprises busy people with purpose to their day and some degree of control. They cannot possibly know how people at home feel.

I’ve said that all along

@aintnothinbutagstring and I hate it when people label others of being Covid deniers, when they are just people who are fed up of lockdowns, question the government etc.

I also cant believe people are comparing this to the war, its laughable really.
How is the fear of going outside to be being bombed and killed and starved comparable to a fear of a virus with a 99% recovery rate? Its beyond me.

@MiaMarshmallows have you got any links to the rates dropping? I thought we wouldn't see the effects of the vaccine until after mid February.
Come March I'm sure they will have to end some restrictions.

They keep changing the goal posts. Boris said earlier in the year once we get a vaccine, we can have some normality back. But then Whitty goes on and on about how the vaccine doesnt stop transmission and we have to follow restrictions.
The vaccine was stop hospitalizations and overwhelming the NHS, never to stop people from catching and transmitting it.. and that seems to be what its doing but our government are just sadists.

@KFB1978

I registered to post this.

Do you really think the government cares about you? Or do they care about looking bad?

Are people really not seeing their partners and parents? Even those who have been vaccinated?

Do you really believe everything the media is telling you? Sure there is a virus out thbut why have countries reacted in different ways without much differing results?

There are some things you cannot do as they have been rightfully or wrongly been closed but you obey everything? Really?

At what point would you not obey?

So you get a fine? So you don't pay it? So you get into a confrontation? With authority? So what?

Not saying behave recklessly. But all this fear and hair shirts? Reasonable?

I’m in your camp I hate the way the government has treat us like naughty children throughout this. I think it’s time we say we’ve had enough punishment.

There’s two sets of rules..one set for the serious wealthy and /or famous and a harsher set for everyday people.

I’m an adult and won’t be treated any less by anyone.
Like someone upthread said 2020 was not my worst year by any stretch.

I’ve had past serious illness and been hospitalised with one of them. It’s probably why we made the most of last year. We had two holidays abroad when we were able to seize our chance and countless weeks at the caravan when they were allowed to reopen. Went to the cinema, ate out, had picnics in forests and parks. Saw family as much as possible.

It still never took away the underlying fear factor though. That this wasn’t right and was it ever going to end..and me fretting over the grandchildren and the effect it was having on them.

I worry about all the children. What’s been done to them is criminal. They are our future. Though I maybe not around by then to witness it..doesn’t mean I have to agree with it.
I don’t.
I worry about parents not coping..at times I was that mother myself. I’m pleased I haven’t had little ones , and I take my hat off to you all now. It’s utterly shit.

Then don’t get my started in elderly, disabled, those in care homes, in hospitals alone, relatives fretting at not being allowed to spend last days with them them. Cruel and inhumane.
I hope a class action is taken out against the government for the crimes theyve committed against humanity.

And don’t start me on lost jobs, loss of needed care facilities, medical interventions , lost income , loss of saving, homes and the suicides 😡😡😡

All for what?
Remind me again please.
A virus that is damaging or fatal to a minority of the population.

If I was to lose a close loved one..and I have done in the past..I would not demand the country be locked down and people lose their liberties, their incomes , their lives..for me.

I’d take it on the chin.
Like I have done in the past.

@whataboutbob

I’m fed up too and this horrid damp grey weather doesn’t help. All the things that give quality to life are absent. Seeing kids excited to see their friends or have a good day at school. Planning to go and see my favourite cousin in France. Booking a restaurant meal with DH and kids, going to Bristol to see my best friend. All verboten. I’m not proud, but when they wheel put another tearful ICU nurse on the TV or radio I feel nothing, just that I’m being emotionally manipulated. I’m not a denialist, I’m just fed up.

Emotionally manipulated...good words. Yes I agree. So many people are waking up to this. We’ve been angry, sad, fearful..but now a common thread appears to be numb Absence of feeling.

I think this numbness, is allowing people time to think out of the box. To see through the fear and manipulation even the rigid rule sticklers ..are saying no more.
Had enough now.

Johnson, wanksock , whitby and co can lecture us till they go blue in the face.
The country is turning their backs on them .
They’ve had enough and we’ve nothing left to give.
We gave it over and over again last year.
All the people who lost loved ones last year..for whatever reason, yes including cancer, strokes, heart attacks etc
Do you think they are willing to give this a 100 per cent?

When you find that one person still cowering in their bunker, you can tell them they can come out now.
The war is over!

Shamelessnamechange9
You can see the latest figures on new cases on this map. I have been watching the map for weeks now and in most places the numbers are coming down. If you zoom in & click on an area it will tell whether numbers are rising or falling.
coronavirus.data.gov.uk/details/interactive-map