To think a 13 month old cannot say 106 words?

[TinyChatterbox]

Just over a year ago I had my first child and like many did an antenatal group. As lockdown commenced several of us managed to track each other down on Facebook and we started a group chat. There are now 5 of us who were in the original antenatal group in this chat and its been lovely to catch up albeit virtually every now and again.

All 5 of us are first time parents and one of the group boastfully posted yesterday evening that her daughter (who is 13 and 1/2 months) can now say 106 words. Now I'm not disputing she may think her child says that many words but she's talking utter bullshit isn't she. There is absolutely no way her 14 month old actually says 106 words which could be understood by anyone.

It's really pissed me off and I'd love some clarification because one of the mums in the group, who is quite a young mother, has responded in a blind panic that her child who is also 13 months only says 8 words. She's understandably completely freaking out and has messaged the health visitor as there is clearly something wrong with her daughter.

YANBU - The mum is deluded to think her child says 106 words.

YABu - It's perfectly possible a 13 month old can say 106 words.

I've never been a member of these groups - still pregnant with my first. But from posts on here, they seem more of a hindrance than a help.

I was a member of a first baby-group, a toddler group and then a different toddler group with my second child. I enjoyed them all: to me, it was just about socialising and as dc grew of getting them used to other children. Some of those children stayed their friends throughout primary, they attended each other's birthday parties and adult dc still keep vaguely in touch over social media.

Perhaps I was lucky in not having to deal with very boastful parents, but I also think it's about how you react. I wouldn't have dreamt of staying away from a group because otherwise pleasant parents had children who were far more advanced than mine. Why shouldn't they? And as long as my dc were enjoying themselves with their friends, did it matter?

It's possible even if rare, slightly freaky to count the exact number (I think it is not too uncommon to get excited about the first 20 words and write them down but most would probably stop counting after the initial excitement). I remember an NCT meetup when my daughter was 10 months old and she shocked the other mums by saying "bye bye" when we were leaving, she was the only baby out of a group of 6 who was saying bye bye at the time apparently. I'd be surprised if she didn't say 30-40 words at 13 months, but I didn't count either, and she wasn't particularly advanced (still isn't ten years later :0) ) so I am sure there are children who say 100+ words at that age. Nothing to boast about but you know how first time mums are, always proud and excited, I am sure she meant no harm in boasting about it.

I think it's possible. At around 12 months my mum had the health visitor round to check on me and asked if I could say 6 or 7 words. My mum assumed she meant 60 or 70 and said of course, but probably more. The health visitor didn't believe her until my mum brought out my stacks of books and had me go through them and identify things in the pictures. I then kept getting regular visits as the health visitor kept sending her colleagues to come and see me

I was also reading pride and prejudice in reception, my mum had meetings about that too. She assumed it was totally normal as I was her first.

Later in life I'm just average, but with a love of reading. Talking or reading early definitely doesn't indicate genius!

My son could definitely speak clearly and in short sentences at this age, we thought we had a genius on our hands, how wrong we were!
His sister (16 months older) barely said two words, we were on the verge of taking her to get professional help.
Now, big sister is doing GCSEs and is predicted 11 grade 9s (yes, I'm boasting, so what, I've never had anything to boast about before).
Little brother, in the school year below, is predicted very average (good average) results.

Lesson, talking early/late means nothing. Or at least it meant nothing for us.

According to my mother I was speaking in full sentences at 18 mths. She only told me this to highlight the deficiencies of my own DD who could only speak about 10 words at 2.

I think it’s possible but can’t imagine counting.

The child probably says ‘Duu” while pointing at bottle, dummy, bed, toy, telly, spoon, chair, door, window, book, dog, bird, buggy, swing, tree and cat. That does not constitute 16 words. Not even one. I’ve seen a child at about that age point to things, parent says what they are and child imitates the sound. Again, that’s not them having that word, unless they identify it themselves the next day.

It can be unsettling, though, when Competitive Parent sets you thinking there’s something wrong with your own child.

One thing that might be relevant about my own children. My son never shuts up and will talk to anyone, big sister, still keeps her thoughts to herself. I think maybe my son just really wanted to talk.

My family have always said that I could speak at that sort of level at that age. Apparently I sang Happy Birthday to my aunt when I was 13 months and 1 week old. I think I was two before I walked though. I am a reasonably intelligent, but in no way exceptional, adult. I can tell you with certainty that talking at a younger age does not make you a genius. My mum was never a pushy or braggy parent and I have no reason to think she’d have lied to me about it. My youngest sister took ages to talk but was walking very early and is no less intelligent as an adult than I am, my mum always said it was interesting how things even out in the end. By the time we started school nobody would really have been able to tell who was the early talker and late walker and who was the early walker and late talker.

This idea that you have to somehow hide what your dc is doing well/ahead/any particular gift your child leaves me hmmconfused tbh.

I agree. However some people seem to get really funny about other kids being ‘ahead’. My son walked reasonably early at 10 months, (so not unheard of) and I was actually ignored by a couple of other mums at a playgroup who I had previously got on well with, once he started walking. I was literally blanked by them. It was horrible. Another mum told me that they had said I was showing off and thought I was better because my son was walking. Showing off isn’t me at all, all I did was let him play. I always took an interest in their children, said how lovely they were and made an effort. But at that time I had really awful post natal depression and those mums blanking me, made me feel like crap. The last thing on my mind was showing off about anything. I often missed the group because I felt so awful with the PND, I had to force myself to go as often as I could as I did always feel better when I got there and chatted, so for them to ignore me because my son was walking before their children made me feel dreadful. And then weirdly, when their children both walked within a few months of my son, the mums just started speaking to me again. I did chat to them but it wasn’t the same. I ended up going to a different group and thankfully my PND slowly improved but I always think how bloody weird it was.

I once knew someone how claimed their baby was standing at 5 months and walking at 6...
I don't know why people would count the words, either!

Mine certainly doesn't. 13 months in 4 days time. She says Mum, Dad, bear. She says bu for bubble, b for most things bus, baa baa black sheep song which she loves, b for the dog ( she like the B words it seems ) My eldest had words at 12 months then stopped and didn't speak until 2 years old. I'm trying to be repetitive , but you can't force it 😬

106 words I can't believe it. For me to count a word it has to be a full understandable word. I'd say my child has 3 words now, not counting b for everything in the whole world.

But you just don't know I didn't believe babies could walk at 10 months, because my first seems quick and he was a week off of 12 months. But then technically my second did walk at 10 months so I was proved wrong, but it was literally the day before she turned 11 months. It's how people spin it !

I've never been a member of these groups - still pregnant with my first. But from posts on here, they seem more of a hindrance than a help.

Please don't think all people are so bitchy. My little group of ladies were lovely, we could talk openly about our worries, about the things that were a struggle but more importantly we could talk about the bits we were excited or proud of, without being called smug, gloating or boasting. We all were just happy for the others joys and held each other's hand for the tough time,

It's the individuals issue if they feel inadequate of others joys.

106 words? Maybe, maybe not (am also a Speech Therapist).

But PMSL , in time, she will look back and CRINGE at the preciousness and precision of it all. It matters not one jot. She (and you) will know that soon enough!! Try to smile, nod, repeat "that's fabulous, you must be so proud" ad nauseum and move on.

Walking at six months is possible. Again, a huge outlier, but it has happened.

Mine probably could. I didn't actually count his words, but he could have a full blown conversation by that age.

Why are you letting her bother you? Just concentrate on your own child.

My youngest easily said 106 words at 13 months, very early talker and talking in sentences. At 15 months I asked her how she got all wet and she told me ‘water’. She was very understandable to strangers

My son said maybe 1 word at 13 months. Didn’t join words until 2 and at 4 is still not 100% understandable. It may not be boasting. Kids are all different.

I used to write down each new word so I would have known exactly how many. I was interested to see how their development language went.
I know Dd1 and dd2 were at around 120 words at 15 months, because I panicked because ds (#3) wasn't anywhere near that and asked the hv. I assumed that they were normal and he was behind.

I'll also say that at 4yo there was no language difference between Dd1 and her friend who had SALT at 2.5yo for having no words, so it doesn't necessarily have any baring on the future.

I've never been a member of these groups - still pregnant with my first. But from posts on here, they seem more of a hindrance than a help. Though I think people like the young mum need to realise that people will brag about their children and it doesn't necessarily line up to reality.

I think you only hear about them when they are crap or mad. I must say both my NCT group and my facebook/whatsapp 'bump' group that started on here (hi Marchers!) have been amazing supports with very little friction or weirdness, and loads of affection, humour and kindness. Even just having a load of people to text on the incessant night feeds early on is invaluable.

But as the babies have grown it's been lovely to see what a range of development there is, and tbh any smugness about baby sleeping through/walking before 1/having 106 words is kind of tempered by the fact that while they may excel at one thing, none are streaks ahead in everything.

I know some crazy bright, linguistically capable children, but their mums aren't dicks about it and I know there are things they struggle with that have been easy for me and my child - but most importantly, it's never really because of anything the parents have done or not done. It's just what the kids have aptitude for and interest in at that time. Anyone who has to make others feel bad about their child's development is probably anxious about some other area.

It is possible - eldest DS (now 20) could. He could repeat any word pretty much. I thought that was normal until DS2 came along and was unintelligible until about 3!

@TwelvePaws I had this with my neighbour her son was 5 months older than mine. When my son started crawling at about 6.5 months she stopped talking to me when she saw him. I can only think it's because her son wasn't crawling yet and she was worried. I really tried with her and certainly never mentioned it, compared or bragged. I think I had one Facebook post as my family are abroad, but it didn't actually mention crawling just had a photo of him with the cat.

My son went on to have a speech delay and hers was great early talker I saw from her Facebook posts. Children are so different. With speech a lot of it is said to be their environment and how parents / carers speak to them, so my fault maybe . I'm not sure on crawling and walking how you can speed that up?

My oldest is at school now and you can't tell who did what first honestly, it doesn't matter in the long run. If a child is really delayed there is help out there and things to research. Speech is fascinating.

Back in the days when you had only other parents’ word of mouth to compare what was normal I can see that this might be worrying. But now people have access to infinite quantities of reliable expert opinion in the palm of their hands I’m slightly less sympathetic to the OP’s paranoid mate.

It took me thirty seconds to find this trustworthy, simply-written page from Great Ormond Street saying that 3 clear consistently used words is average at age 12 months and 10-20 clear consistently used words is the average at 18 months. Hence the friend with the 106 word baby is either using an over optimistic definition of “words” or has a baby at the very high end of linguistic ability. Both are possible, but either way anxious friend should relax.

Equally over-achieving mum should be aware that her baby is not average.
www.gosh.nhs.uk/conditions-and-treatments/procedures-and-treatments/speech-and-language-development-12-24-months/

@TheKeatingFive

I actually think it is more believable if the child is not the first as they would have siblings to learn from and I assume are more likely to talk early as they need to be heard

Interestingly, the evidence suggests the opposite is much more common.

Eldest children are much more likely t be precocious talkers.

I presume a big part of that is having very focused adult attention in a way that younger siblings don’t get.

Interestingly in my family I was the youngest of four but the most advanced speaker - 33 words aged one, first word at 8 months.

But based on that research, maybe the reason is that my elder half siblings were 13 and 15, so counted more as additional adults than as children?

@TwelvePaws - that's my experience as well (from the child perspective). As I said upthread, it would be a lovely thing if people could discuss these things neutrally.

In fact, I've seen some brilliant work in a school where teachers and children are all really engaged and open about what skills they have and haven't got, and ALL the kids are just little superstars at handling the differences and supporting each other in improving. The school performs really highly, because there's no stigma or competition in learning. Something those schoolyard mums should know!

A thirteen month old can say many words and phrases. I can't imagine anyone counting the different words - presumably they'd have to write them all down, how else would you remember?

An 'ante natal group' sounds dreadful. I'm glad no such things existed when I was pregnant. I just went to the ante natal clinic on my day, end of.

Oh and one last thing, it’s all very well to say “they all catch up” when it comes to speech, but genuinely late speakers always need a proper hearing test rather than a complacent “she’ll get there in her own time”.

My oldest child didn’t talk until she was almost 3, my youngest I could have conversations with at 13 months.
You wouldn’t be able to tell which was which now. 🤷🏼‍♀️