Are these lies he’s told serious?

[Lilachyacinth]

Been attending a church (before first lockdowns even began) . Made a friend there, a group leader. He told me he has a job, something clever to do with IT ( wasn’t listening to the details to be honest!) which involves him often going on trips to other counties like France, to fix companies IT. Woman at church mentioned he was on benefits and that his shyness means that he’s never worked.
He told me he’d had an ex girlfriend who was a Romany gypsy who was ‘obsessed’ with him and he said she: ‘really looked up to me, I could do anything to her, she’d let me come home and rip her clothes off. She had schizophrenia and one time she just smiled so sinisterly. I felt like throwing her on the floor and exorcising her.’
Woman also mentioned he’s never had a girlfriend and she hopes me and him will get together. ( don’t fancy him).
He visited my house and I’d just moved back in after fleeing in the night weeks before believing that it was haunted/ demonic. ( It was a psychotic episode I have a diagnosis of schizophrenia) I said: ‘now I’ve been treated, diagnosed with schizophrenia and am on my meds, I can’t believe I ever thought this home was spooky, it’s so peaceful, I’ve even got the lovely old church ( not his church) right outside, I’m basically on holy ground!
He said, ‘Actually that old church is very dodgy. They found something evil under there.’
I just laughed because I’m so not scared of that church, my step great uncle was vicar there when I was a child and the ‘evil’ find was just some old bones which has been put in a plague pit, rather than buried properly. They were blessed and reburied. It wasn’t spooky, I just found it interesting as a child.
Aibu to not go back to this church when lockdown ends to avoid this man (he’s 30) or is he just immature telling harmless silly lies? He’s a bit immature, plays constant computer games and into fantasy stuff. (Nothing wring with that though). My support worker is keen for me to go back to that church and says he is just immature, lying to impress me as ‘must fancy me. My cousin said- ‘Don’t go back‘ because I’d struggled to get friendly with anyone else there ( mostly couples) as I’m very shy.

It also sounds quite gossipy, another reason to stay away

That woman was helping OP.

Hi thanks so much for all the comments. I’m not actually really a proper Christian. I believed as a child but at College and uni I learnt about Darwinism and similar and lost my belief. I was open about this with the church. I would love to believe and have fond memories of church as a kid.
I used to work within the NHS, before I became ill with a breakdown, and I am aware that my support worker will be under huge pressure to sign me off as ‘sorted’. Having a support network by attending a church would tick this box for the poor woman. Her caseload is immense.
This man did already know I had a schizophrenia diagnosis as I had told the pastor, his personal friend, and attended a healing session which he witnessed, where the pastor ordered the ‘voices’ to go in front of 5 other people 😬.At my old church, no illness would be revealed by the vicar during a ‘healing’ he’d just lay his hand on each persons head for a moment
The church seems odd to me because I’m used to the ( very) old fashioned services. The new church is very modern, no hymns 😢 and involves a short session of random members of the congregation ‘speaking in tongues’ which I was struggling not to giggle at as I found it strange and on one occasion they were saying things which contradicted one another. Eg one shouted out some words which the pastor said meant we were all honest people and blessed. Another shouted out that we are all needing to step up and become more godly and were being sinful. I know that apparently,this is an accepted form of Christianity but I am just not used to it. Instead of a vicar leading, everyone leads. The man in question is leader of the youth group and the new members group, (of which their were only 3 other people ) which I was placed in.
I behaved respectfully, and tried to fit in. A minority of the congregation are rather odd ( ex prisoners with similar mental issues to myself or drug addiction ) one ( not weird, normal but used to a life of petty crime ) admitted to me that she was only attending the church as her probation officer said it would make her look good! Trust me to get on best with her. Unfortunately she reoffended and was jailed again ( drugs and minor fraud).
I just find it so embarrassing to start talking to strangers. I just go blank. It’s awkward as they often ask where I work and then why I am not working. Most of them just say smile and say hello and then turn back to their families, as you would. They don’t need a new friend.
Not keen on the nosy old lady but thankful she’s told me this. She was nosy about why I’d not worked for years. I told her nothing and kept it vague!
I could go back to my old church which I’ve been avoiding since my great uncle died and because certain people there know my diagnosis ( family friends) and were very weirded out by it having seen reports of murders by schizophrenics in the press. One of them said to my mum ‘ I’m surprised you haven’t been murdered in your bed’ when I was staying there.😢 she’d known me all my life my mum told her I wasn’t like that . I’ve never been violent, I overdosed cried and hid a lot.
I think my support worker believes I am paranoid and distrustful of all men as I am a rape survivor and have admitted I am uncomfortable around men. I refused a male psych nurse and a then they were very annoyed when I refused a male support worker. They made me go to a meeting about me not trying to recover. I stood my ground though. I liked my male psychiatrist however and did feel safe with him ( old Asian man very jolly and lovely). The attack ( by a young white man) was what triggered my original breakdown years back).

I’m surprised he apparently fancies me as I am ten years his senior. I never suspected that he might. Especially with my med weight gain.
I may join a women only fitness group after lockdown( if it ever ends)!
No women’s group at the church, only a men’s group, as pastors said it’s men who need to talk and confide as women already feel comfortable doing that but men can get silently suicidal. Fair enough, all true, but I think.. I’m off. The other women’s group is for mums and tots and I’ve no children. Thankyou again for your supportive replies, I don’t have many friends to confide in. My best friend is in nursing and has 3 kids and is too stressed for me to hassle about this.
I think I’ll go for a fitness group and maybe do an online bible course ( haven’t read anything from it in 20 years!) xx

It sounds weird as fuck! I dont think being around a compulsive liar that claims to have taken advantage of a woman with schizophrenia is going to be good for you.

And the pastor shouldn't be telling anyone your private medical info.

And the tounges thing is just freaky.

Can you try a group that's not a church? Just like a social club or a hobby club. You're not religious and the churches near you sound not normal.

What the hell kind of church is this? Pun intended.

It really doesn’t sound like a good idea. Your support worker also sounds shit.

The fact that this nutter is a ‘group leader’ at this church would be enough to see me never setting foot in the place again AND sending a strongly-worded email to whoever is in authority explaining why they’re bizarre choice of personnel has lost them a new member.

This. Make sure to reference the precise remarks that would raise safeguarding flags rather than a general feeling of unease. Actually telling a vulnerable member of his group about his violent sexual fantasies about a vulnerable woman should come top of the list. Trying to make you afraid of your own home, and afraid of a church, isn't likely to go down well either.

But then I'd choose a different church. They sound misogynistic, you are not comfortable with their form of worship and they have shown very poor judgment here.

Ok having read your update, I think you keep well away.

Also, I'm sorry for what the ignorant people have said. That's not fair.

I think you should start afresh somewhere else. And remember, you don't have to tell anyone anything which you don't want to with regards to your personal life and background.

I agree with godimabitch (and not because her username is blasphemous!) but a hobby group would be more healthy.
Crochet, knitting, rock climbing, running, clothes making, cooking, bell ringing, reading etc all have groups (many of which are running online at the moment) that have "normal" (hate that term, but you know what I mean) non-predatory people attending. If you like the feel of church, maybe a very old fashioned C of E type would be better? Kind people serving tea and coffee after singing hymns to praise Him, and a sermon about reaching out to neighbours in this difficult time type?

This church doesn't sound like a good fit for you - in fact, it sounds quite dangerous. You sound as if you instinctively know that you need a calmer, gentler and kinder group to meet with.

Could you look into online faith services, or search for Facebook groups that would be more supportive and welcoming?

After this current "lockdown' eases & spring arrives, could you look for a local walking/ ambling group, park run/walk or maybe a gentle yoga class?

You've come a long way, be proud of yourself, and trust your instincts.

I fear you have been earmarked as vulnerable and they are trying to manipulate you to their own ends. Please heed your instincts and feel happy with your progress so far. Can you confide in the church leader - Vicar, Pastor et al - and ask that they support you to maintain appropriate distance and boundaries.

I have had some experience with this kind of evangelical church and I would not be ready to repeat it. I think you are making the right choice to leave this church. If you want to carry on along the religious path then there will be other churches you can visit, and I am sure you will find one that's right for you.
Good luck OP.

If he is a group leader then I have doubts about how helpful this church community may be if they're letting him remain in a position of authority.
If you have made other friends fine but perhaps look at other ways of broadening your social circle.
One interesting "community' I have found had been adult education through the WEA. At present everything is online and there is need to stay with your camera on.

@LIZS

I fear you have been earmarked as vulnerable and they are trying to manipulate you to their own ends. Please heed your instincts and feel happy with your progress so far. Can you confide in the church leader - Vicar, Pastor et al - and ask that they support you to maintain appropriate distance and boundaries.

Given that the pastor 'interprets' speaking in tongues, and conducted a 'healing ceremony' which sounds uncannily like an exorcism on the OP in which he ordered some of the symptoms of her condition to depart as if they were demons possessing her rather than due to a diagnosed psychiatric disorder I would say we can pretty much discount him as someone who might help the OP maintain appropriate distance and boundaries from the rest of his church.

Hi sorry I keep updating. Earlier, I sent an email to my local dioceses as people on here suggested. A lady replied super fast ( didn’t think anyone would see the email for a while ) she’s phoned someone in charge at the church, at home and the person says the man is not, and never was, even present at the youth group. Says the leaders and helpers of the youth group cr b c checked. (Why did he lie?) also makes it sound like I’m nuts for repeating his lie!
They seem to be taking me seriously and are ‘investigating sensitively’.

Pastor is apparently not pastor anymore, left just before first lockdown to work at recovery from drug addiction charity. Had no idea. Was there about one week before lockdown and he never said leaving.

Man not going to be leader of any group anymore and an idea mentioned of him being supervised by a senior church member mentioned
Very quick response to say lockdown! All thanks to you lot or I wouldn’t have emailed at all. X

He told me he’d had an ex girlfriend who was a Romany gypsy who was ‘obsessed’ with him and he said she: ‘really looked up to me, I could do anything to her, she’d let me come home and rip her clothes off. She had schizophrenia and one time she just smiled so sinisterly. I felt like throwing her on the floor and exorcising her.’

After he said this to me, I don't think I would have ever been able to speak to him again. Lying about a job I can sort of understand if he was trying to impress you, and maybe embarrassed he doesn’t have a job (still not great), but that comment about "an ex", nope!
I wouldn't stop going tk the church if you like it. I would just keep away from him.

Go with your instinct. Don't go back to this church. You dont need healing ceremonies, you need medicine and care. My priest was saying yesterday that in biblical times they didn't understand mental illness but they did understand that the person was separate from the disease. Hence the casting out of evil spirits mumbo jumbo. To still believe in that now seems wilfully ignorant. He also made the point that we are less understanding of mental illness now and dont separate the person from their illness: tell people, unhelpfully to pull themselves together. Seems like your uncle's church is also lacking compassion and understanding.

Time to look for a new church. Maybe one that isn't evangelical. No hymns in lockdown but you could join a more traditional church like you are used to. You need one with a community. The Methodists and some CofE are good for that.

Don't be manipulated by your support worker in staying with the crazy church.

Also id email the vicar and tell him this group leader is behaving inappropriately. It's making you uncomfortable and you are moving on. Don't invite debate, just tell him as a courtesy and to hopefully save other people from thus man's attentions.

Also a prayer that you can begin to heal and find the support you need.

Xpost. Seen your update. Seems promising. Would you go back now?

Definitely keep away from him, but if the church is otherwise right for you then you should continue to go.

He sounds bat shit crazy.

Well done for emailing them. I think you should avoid this church. It does not sound like a safe place for you. There will be other groups (church and others) that can provide you with support.

Also, if you have given all the information you've included here to your support worker and she is suggesting you go back, I think you should also report her. That is totally inappropriate of her.

Wait, I’ve read your updates. Don’t go back to the church!

That church needs to be shut down! "Curing" people of schizophrenia by the laying on of hands? Get away!

This church sounds unhelpful at best and actually dangerous at worst. Is it the go-to place for vulnerable people or those seen as outcasts by the rest of society? It sounds almost cult-like in its practices and I really question its motives.
The man you're talking about sounds as though he could have unstable mental health himself and his rapey tales (fantasies) of sexual violence against an ill and vulnerable woman are very disturbing and need raising with the relevant authority.
Make a clean break from all of them, no good will come from being a part of this weird group and but you could be saving yourself from real harm. Wishing you all the best.

This church definitely doesn't sound like it works for you. It also doesn't sound like it's run very smoothly and I can't imagine it's doing much good if your diagnosis was 'outed' so openly and a group leader is able to spout so much harmful bs.

How much time has passed since you last visited your old church? Perhaps it would be worth visiting again even just for private worship or learning. I'm sure you'd be made welcome by the rest of the congregation, even if those you know aren't so educated and sensitive.

He's manipulative, testing your boundaries and potentially dangerous. Your support worker is bonkers.