Page 2 | Have you squeezed the most out of life - or have you not?

mullingoverthepast · 2021-01-31T20:06:04+00:00

Like quite a few of us lately, I think I'm spending time looking back with nostalgia. I feel like I had so much fun and opportunities in one way, but also just didn't really have my shit together so didn't fully appreciate how those opportunities would one day be gone. I really understand now what is meant by the saying "youth is wasted on the young" [shock] [grin] though in all seriousness, don't really agree with that either, because probably the magic part of youth is you are unburdened by all that stuff. If I could have my time again, I'd try to be more shrewd. There are plenty of very shrewd young people out there - how I wish I'd been more like them! What about you? Do you feel you've availed of all the best opportunities when young? Or have you kind of muddled through hoping for the best like me?! What achievements are you proudest of? I have none that stand out, really. Regrettably!

Original poster

mullingoverthepast · 31/01/2021 22:15

@Plussizejumpsuit

I don't know how I feel about the need to make the most of things and squeeze the most out of life. Just feels like an extension of capitalist ideology. Like you're not worth anything if you're not productive or getting the most out of something. I have anxiety and it's fairly well managed, but when it's not I do think a lot of it stems from bot doing enough or being enough.

I'm actually much happier when I'm just living and not trying to do bettter all the time. Or ticking off a bucket list (not that I do this, but you get the gist)

I totally hear you on this, but I'm not just talking about work stuff.

For example, when I was 20, I wasted so much emotional energy mooning over several young men that had zero interest in me and was convinced there was something wrong with me as I'd never had a boyfriend. Declined the advances of several other chaps who were, with hindsight, very hot!

It took me until my mid twenties to develop a sense of confidence in dating and figure out what I really wanted, and now thankfully am very happily married so all good in that department. But I just think, WTF was I doing with all that angst over those others?

OP posts:

Northernsoullover · 31/01/2021 22:20

I've had a wonderful life. Lived abroad, partied hard. The memories I have are amazing. In my 30s I had two children with someone useless, ended up bankrupt (almost) and developed an unhealthy drinking habit. In the last 3 years I've paid of my debts, quit booze and nearly finished my degree. I hope to buy a house this year. So although my 30s were shit I'm still squeezing!

Serin · 31/01/2021 22:29

I have no regrets, moved away to uni in Liverpool in the 80's and had a great time there. Enjoyed dating, travelled a bit, met my DH and have been happily married for 25 years. I have a fulfilling career, a nice house, 3 lovely young adult DC, nice friends, a garden to keep me occupied, and a couple of great pets.
I have been very very lucky and do not take any of that for granted.
The only thing I've compromised on is not getting a motorbike as my DDad lost his leg falling off one and my family would worry too much.

muddledmidget · 31/01/2021 22:35

Like a previous poster, I have no regrets regarding my life. I might not have seized absolutely every opportunity or partied hard/took drugs, but I've built a life that works for me. At 36 I've got a career thst gives me the freedom to travel for 6 months at the drop of a hat as well as the money to do it, an amazing husband who has stood by my side through all the tough times and is as bad as I am for impulsive travel. We live in a beautiful part of the country which I have truly appreciated during lockdown, in a mortgage free house. So I might not have lived every day to its max, but the foundations I spent my 20s building mean I can fill my future to the max

WishingHopingThinkingPraying · 31/01/2021 22:37

My childhood was beautiful. Countryside, on horses all day long, my mum a rare good cook, my parents kind and supportive. My teens were great, I went to boarding school and absolutely loved it. My twenties were wild and fast. I moved to Asia, my job was exciting. The way we parties and travelled was incredible. And I fell in love. Then we came home when I was 30 and within 8 years were married, bought our dream home with land and space and had 4 kids. This bit has been hard and intense but has been the greatest part I guess for all it gives us for the future. I'd definitely say we've lived life to the full! We've been lucky.

Literallynoidea · 31/01/2021 22:41

Yes I've lived a very full life - until a year ago thanks to covid!

I look at some of my more pedestrian friends who got married younger and didn't see much of the world and wonder.

They are probably happy. But I'm glad I've lived the live I have.

nanbread · 31/01/2021 22:48

@LetItGoGo

I do wish I'd had the money to be able to get things wrong.

I think this counts for so much.

It's much harder to take risks when you have mouths to feed and build to pay.

nanbread · 31/01/2021 22:50

@muddledmidget

Like a previous poster, I have no regrets regarding my life. I might not have seized absolutely every opportunity or partied hard/took drugs, but I've built a life that works for me. At 36 I've got a career thst gives me the freedom to travel for 6 months at the drop of a hat as well as the money to do it, an amazing husband who has stood by my side through all the tough times and is as bad as I am for impulsive travel. We live in a beautiful part of the country which I have truly appreciated during lockdown, in a mortgage free house. So I might not have lived every day to its max, but the foundations I spent my 20s building mean I can fill my future to the max

I'd love to know what career lets you be mortgage free by your 30s and live abroad for 6 months at a time!

PegasusReturns · 31/01/2021 23:05

Thank you @ArabellaScott

I always feel that I should do everything to the very highest standard and if I don’t wants the point. Weird upbringing I suppose

gerbilfur · 31/01/2021 23:13

God no. My life has been a series of poor decisions. I've always had terrible fears and phobias which have held me back. So many things I should have done - should have travelled more, should have had more than one dc, shouldn't have married young to an unsuitable man. I'm lucky in a lot of ways I have a good man for my second husband and I have a ds who is my world but I have made many poor decisions and no my life is not what it could have been

DDIJ · 31/01/2021 23:17

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Bivvy · 31/01/2021 23:54

Ever since I left Uni and have been able to afford it I’ve taken 2-3 holidays a year- fabulous holidays- the best I could afford and using all my spare money and annual leave. All my spare money went on travel, I could probably have paid off half of my mortgage if Id have scaled the holidays back. I’ve always had modest home, clothes etc. After a fab year in 2019, where I went on 5 trips I found out I was pregnant and vowed to cut the spending on travel in favour of sensible saving etc....then the pandemic hit! Returned from holiday Jan 2020 just before the pandemic really started and obviously not been anywhere since. Looking back now, I can honestly say I do not regret one single £ of the money I have spent traveling in the last few years. I’d happily spend it all again and change nothing. I have created memories that last a lifetime. The pandemic has taught me that life is for living and tomorrow is not promised. Your health and happiness is priceless. I have learnt that for me experiences make me happier than having ‘things’. Whenever and if ever you get the chance travel or do something you enjoy do it- you never know if it will be your last !!

LadyfromtheBelleEpoque · 01/02/2021 00:01

It’s so strange - sometimes the more you experience of life the more you can see what you have missed out on. I second money worries being a very limiting factor when young - I did a lot of travel (backpacking) but had a set idea in my head that I would have to stop once a real job kicked in (thanks, folks!).

I also spent a lot of time fretting about jobs/career/money and what I didn’t do, ironically. You cannot ‘do’ everything, imv.

SauvignonGrower · 01/02/2021 00:04

Spent far too much of my twenties in a dead end relationship in a town far from friends. Wish I'd been brave enough to travel properly. I was scared of being alone and scared having no money because we'd grown up with so little.

speakout · 01/02/2021 06:28

I have lived a very full life so far.
Didn't have kids until I was 38, travelled a lot, been a bit wild on several fronts, had several long term partners, owned a number of properties. Lots of room for adult play and self discovery.
Now in my late 50s I have a very sucessful small business, time to myself again now that my kids are grown, and excited about my future.

Longdistance · 01/02/2021 06:39

I travelled loads in my twenties as well as having lots of fun, lots of bfs. I bought my house in my mid 20’s. Married in my 30’s, lived in Oz for a few years, came back, now I’m 45 and I’d like to get off the merry go round that had served me well.
So the lockdowns have been a great way to slow down my life and put the brakes on.
I still have the travel bug.

Flatcokeisnojoke · 01/02/2021 07:33

@Literallynoidea do your lovely friends know you refer to them as pedestrian ?

Botoxtime · 01/02/2021 08:41

I just find life so boring. Now I'm old and ugly it's even worse

speakout · 01/02/2021 08:42

I just find life so boring. Now I'm old and ugly it's even worse

Much of that is in your hands. How old are you?

MondeoFan · 01/02/2021 08:52

I've had some lovely trips abroad and done some lovely things. I wish I'd have been more careful with money though. I've squandered money in the past on silly stuff that I didn't really need and it didn't make me happy.
I wish I'd saved some money properly into a proper account like a set amount each month no matter what. Lockdown made me realise how much money I actually saved. I was able to buy a really nice car at the end of the year as my car was 14 years old. It made me realise how easy it was to save the money. I was on furlough too getting 80% of my wages from March-September but still managed to save by staying at home

ArabellaScott · 01/02/2021 09:27

@PegasusReturns

Thank you *@ArabellaScott*

I always feel that I should do everything to the very highest standard and if I don’t wants the point. Weird upbringing I suppose

Yes, perfectionism often holds people back.

But, you must have learned how to do all the many things you have done, no? And gone through the process of failing many times before you succeeded? Learning's often as much about learning how not to do things - 'success is going from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm' (I think that was Churchill). Anyway, if you want to take up something new, there's nothing stopping you!

ArabellaScott · 01/02/2021 09:30

@gerbilfur

God no. My life has been a series of poor decisions. I've always had terrible fears and phobias which have held me back. So many things I should have done - should have travelled more, should have had more than one dc, shouldn't have married young to an unsuitable man. I'm lucky in a lot of ways I have a good man for my second husband and I have a ds who is my world but I have made many poor decisions and no my life is not what it could have been

On a really bad day I could say the same. On a good day, though, I can see it as all part of the mix. The thing that makes the difference is the story I'm telling myself.

Sometimesonly · 01/02/2021 09:39

@wearywithteens I found myself nodding along to your post. Even when I had my own money I found it very hard to spend it or take any risks!

I came across this quote yesterday and it really resonated.

Have you squeezed the most out of life - or have you not?

PrawnCorset · 01/02/2021 10:21

@Wearywithteens

I’m 50 and I look back at some of the young people I knew, who at the time I thought were reckless, but they were actually grabbing life with both hands. They were having fun and enjoying their youth. Why didn’t I have that? I had an innate working class cautiousness and anxiety which revolved around money, and security. I was not well educated and did not have a broad world view. My parents dominated and anything I wanted to do had to be ‘approved’ according to their parochial moral code.

I’ve tried to make up for it but I do mourn that my youth was essentially wasted because we were poor.

I hear you @Wearywithteens. I come from a very similar-sounding background, and it took me a lot of work to get free of it. My parents, who both left school at 12 to work, desperately tried to dissuade me from staying on at school past the legal minimum, and from thinking about university which was ‘only for rich people’. I had to do all the grant applications etc myself as my school almost never sent anyone to university so minimal support there either. I did get there, did well, and won a postgrad scholarship to study abroad, and my life is nothing like the one my parents wanted (and still want) for me, but yes, to this day, I envy people who didn’t have to use up so much energy getting away, and who didn’t have to deal with the parental voices in their heads saying ‘Expect nothing and you won’t be disappointed’and ‘That’s not for the likes of us’.

riotlady · 01/02/2021 11:10

Mixed for me- I had a great time at uni and I travelled a fair bit but now that I’m facing down a chronic illness at 28, I wish I had taken more advantage of my fitness and physical ability while I had it. I should have kayaked and done long hikes and climbed a mountain and now that those options are taken from me, I do regret it a bit.