AIBU - not to know how to deal with this

[Funkyslippers]

I used DD's razor for my legs earlier, I couldn't find a spare one so used hers and forgot to put it back where it was. BTW I'm not a hairy person by any means so there was hardly anything to shave!

Anyway she comes thundering into the kitchen a while later demanding to know if I'd used it. I said yes and apologised straight away. She then shouted at me really aggressively and called me stupid. OH asked what she was shouting about and I heard her tell him what had happened and she shouted "God, she's so thick!"

I was so taken aback I just went up to our bedroom and had a cry. I couldn't believe a child of mine could speak to me like that. She's quite fiery at times but we have a great relationship most of the time. She often asks for favours etc and I've been wondering why I've been helping her out when she speaks to me like that. I have been crying on and off since. I feel pathetic. OH said he thought she had over reacted but she was a typical teenager. I said there is no excuse for speaking like that, no matter what the situation. Should I just take some time to let it pass or tell her it's unacceptable, even though I was in the wrong to start with? I'm so upset I can't think straight at the moment

@grannyinapram

I mean fair enough if she was 14 and you clogged up her only razor or something but 17? I'd moved out by her age and if I spoke to my mom like that she'd have slapped me! not cried! give her what for cheeky mare

There is nothing fair enough about calling her mum thick. Nothing

The thing is, what upset the OP most is that this is out of character for the daughter.

So it's not just a case of, 'I wouldn't let my child speak to me like that,' or 'Completely understandable response.'

Neither are quite the right response because it's not usual.

So, I reckon lockdown + hormones.

And talking when calm as the way forward.

She has just got angry and over reacted. You shouldn't have used her razor (that would annoy me tbh its not yours to take. That was a poor choice on your part). She shouldn't have said hurtful things (I would put it down to anger in the heat of the moment and not a way she would choose to behave when she is calm and thinking clearly). Tbh nothing awful has hapend. She doesnt believe what she said. I think you should extend an olive branch apologise and makesure she knows u know it was wrong to take her razor. If she doesn't apologise back for her hurtful words u could tell her u think you are owed one. Dont dwell on it or let it upset u. She was just angry. Forgive her.

Why is it grim to use someone else's razor? Genuine question!

Just because she’s 17 doesn’t mean you have to violate her things

She called you a thick idiot. I’d have said roughly the same thing.

That behaviours not ok. My teens wouldn't dare behave like that.

I know you were upset but I'm not sure locking yourself away and crying has any benefit to thr situation. A swift 'who the fuck do you think you're talking to' at the time and a reminder that she is nearly an adult and should act like one. You apologised for doing something wrong but her response was way over the top.

I hoped you've spoken to her about it by now and that she's apologised for the way she spoke to you.

She was abominably rude, razor or no razor.

No more favours until she gives you a decent apology.

You borrowed her possession without permission. How would you feel if she just started "borrowing" your stuff and then not putting it back?

Sorry you are upset op.

You are the adult in this situation so if your dd doesn't spontaneously apologise tomorrow then you need to speak to her calmly saying it's disrespectful to call others stupid. Be confident about it.

However, I think your DH should have told her in no uncertain terms that she was being very rude at the time, and not to speak about her mother so disrespectfully.

Then next few times she wants a favour off you, I'd be tempted to say "Sorry, I'm obviously too thick to do that for you, what a shame" - till she realises that that sort of insult really isn't a great idea.

The way she spoke to/about you was vile and unacceptable, she needs to give a genuine serious apology. Lockdown is no excuse. Your DH is almost as bad for excusing her. You deserve better.
FWIW we share a razor in my family, I don't understand the problem with that. Use it then rinse it, we don't leave it full of hair!

Your reaction is quite extreme.
Using her razor is not pleasant, I assume it's because she's at the age where these things bother her. I'd be thinking 'gross...mum's done her pubes with my razor' at that age.
She's probably just had an outburst and feels pretty ridiculous, you don't need to weep all day.

Overstepped a boundary, broken trust?

JFC!

Op apologised & the razor can be replaced!

I think I'd also not be helping her with anything for a while.

Well, she won't even be asking will she, given her opinion of Op?

@NeilBuchananisBanksy

Is it just me, but I dont think sharing a razor is that bad?!

Me either tbh my daughter has been known to swipe my damm toothbrush before now because she "forgot" hers i always have a spare one in the bathroom for her now

Jeez it's a bit of an over reaction on both parts. Bit gross to use her razor, but you could've just apologised when she asked and offered to replace it rather than crying in your room about it. She was being a bit over dramatic, and you should explain her reaction wasn't brilliant, but she's a hormonal teenager who got the hump about you shaving your pubes with her blade.