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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - not to know how to deal with this

91 replies

Funkyslippers · 31/01/2021 19:24

I used DD's razor for my legs earlier, I couldn't find a spare one so used hers and forgot to put it back where it was. BTW I'm not a hairy person by any means so there was hardly anything to shave!

Anyway she comes thundering into the kitchen a while later demanding to know if I'd used it. I said yes and apologised straight away. She then shouted at me really aggressively and called me stupid. OH asked what she was shouting about and I heard her tell him what had happened and she shouted "God, she's so thick!"

I was so taken aback I just went up to our bedroom and had a cry. I couldn't believe a child of mine could speak to me like that. She's quite fiery at times but we have a great relationship most of the time. She often asks for favours etc and I've been wondering why I've been helping her out when she speaks to me like that. I have been crying on and off since. I feel pathetic. OH said he thought she had over reacted but she was a typical teenager. I said there is no excuse for speaking like that, no matter what the situation. Should I just take some time to let it pass or tell her it's unacceptable, even though I was in the wrong to start with? I'm so upset I can't think straight at the moment

OP posts:

LucilleTheVampireBat · 31/01/2021 21:05

@NeilBuchananisBanksy

Is it just me, but I dont think sharing a razor is that bad?!

Me either. I've never read such a load of reactionary bollocks. It's a razor. That OP used on her legs. Typical MN hysteria about hygiene.

thecatfromjapan · 31/01/2021 21:06

Plus, the 'thick' comment makes me wonder if she's stressed about school.

londongirl12 · 31/01/2021 21:08

Ewwww, you don't use someone else's razor. If my mum did that to me now (I'm 37), I would still find it grim

Newkitchen123 · 31/01/2021 21:10

A number of people have said for the OP to apologise again.
She has already apologised!
What on earth did your husband say when your daughter called you thick.
There are no circumstance whatsoever in which that behaviour is acceptable! That is way more than an over reaction.
I don't care if she's a teen. No way would I ever have spoken to it about my mother like that.

UrAWizHarry · 31/01/2021 21:10

Firstly, it's grim. Secondly, it's about personal space and boundaries as much as anything. Not asking permission to use a personal item is incredibly disrespectful.

Torvean · 31/01/2021 21:11

I personally would not have been bothered if my mum used my razor for her legs.

However the way your daughter talked to you is not acceptable.I'm tired of COVID being used as an excuse for bad behaviour.

Kids have much moe these days than even the 80/90s.

BeautifulStar · 31/01/2021 21:11

I can’t believe the people excusing your dd’s behaviour! It’s a razor for fucks sake!

I would go APESHIT if my dd spoke to me like that - hence, she doesn’t speak to me like that. Not saying she’s not cheeky and I give her the benefit of the doubt most of the time because of hormones but there’s a very thin line. And your daughter crossed it.

norwegianwoodpecker · 31/01/2021 21:13

Why did you admit it? I would have said I moved it when cleaning or something

BettyOBarley · 31/01/2021 21:19

17?!
I'd be having serious words about speaking to me like that, she's nearly an adult!

coffeeisyum · 31/01/2021 21:19

You used her personal hygiene products without asking then forgot to put it back?

If anyone did this I'd give them a row, it's not acceptable. Disrespectful. No wonder she returned the approach!

diamondsr4u · 31/01/2021 21:20

No sorry that's disgusting behaviour. My children are young, but if in their teens they dared to speak to me like that...
I would hope I haven't bought up kids that would have the audacity to scream at me and call me names.
Respect is paramount towards parents. You apologised for using it, you are her mother not some complete stranger. I would tel her you are disappointed and upset and expect an apology. I know many here will not agree with what I've said, but really it depends on what kind of background you come from.

Laureline · 31/01/2021 21:24

She’s incredibly rude. There would be nuclear consequences in my house if my kids talked to me like that.

I can’t believe some posters think it’s ok to talk to your mother like.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 31/01/2021 21:32

You disrespected her she gave the same back.

JovialNickname · 31/01/2021 21:57

If going AARGH and telling you she thinks you're thick is the worst she's done by age 17 I think you've got off quite lightly

You shouldn't have used her razor, and her frustration at this is probably compounded by lockdown. She's got no space or freedom anyway and this is the last straw.

The way she spoke to you was unacceptable, but you shouldn't have used her private stuff without asking her and then not even have put it back. I would lead on saying sorry that you did that, but then telling her she really hurt you with her nasty words and that as her mother you do not expect to be called stupid or thick. She needs to apologise for that as it was not kind and disrespectful to you who loves her and gave birth to her.

TrainspottingWelsh · 31/01/2021 22:05

I think yabu.
Using her razor without telling her is inconsiderate, and in the eyes of a teenager utterly rank. She did overreact, but it's a bit hypocritical to expect a 17yr old to control their emotions when you as a parent overreact and can't control your own. Unwarranted anger is no worse than bursting in to tears needlessly.
And either way, now is a really shit time to be 17, so I'd cut her some slack.

isadoradancing123 · 31/01/2021 22:12

Why do people always make excuses for teenagers. I would not tolerate being spoken to like that

HollyGoLoudly1 · 31/01/2021 22:14

I'm another one who doesn't think borrowing a razor is that big a deal It's touching the skin on her mum's legs, not a stranger's bikini line.

Things I would also share with my mum/sisters: hairbrush, roll on deodorant, loofah. Not a toothbrush though, that gives me the ick.

She absolutely can't speak to/about you like that but like other posters have said, I wonder if your reaction is a sign of other things going on? Are you stressed or down about anything?

TowandaForever · 31/01/2021 22:17

I'm another poster who doesn't think sharing a razor is bad!

DM1209 · 31/01/2021 22:22

Hell no would I tolerate my teenager daughter speaking to me like that.

She has a point regarding her razor but her approach is completely wrong. She could have the same conversation with you without the name calling and 2 year old tantrum.

Oreservoir · 31/01/2021 22:26

Whether you used your dd's razor does not excuse her response.
You apologised, unless your dd was just about to use it and didn't have a spare, she could have asked that you buy a new one tomorrow.

If my dd called me thick I wouldn't be crying, she would.

billy1966 · 31/01/2021 22:32

@Laureline

She’s incredibly rude. There would be nuclear consequences in my house if my kids talked to me like that.

I can’t believe some posters think it’s ok to talk to your mother like.

This.

What a rude little madam.

Absolutely no excuse for it.

I wouldn't tolerate being spoken to like that.

Has she form for being so rude?.

She needs setting straight and you need to massively step back.

We teach people how to treat us OP.

Sorry for your upset.

saraclara · 31/01/2021 23:39

It's not like no teenager has ever 'borrowed' her mum's or sister's stuff now, is it?

I've used my daughter's stuff and I'm fairly sure they've used mine. If the person was in we'd probably yell down and ask some of the time, (but not always) but just use it if they're not there. Half the time there's no way of knowing whose razor/shampoo was whose if we ended up buying the same type.

Scbchl · 31/01/2021 23:42

Not a chance would my 17 year old get away with talking to me like that in my house.

thinkfast · 31/01/2021 23:47

I think you massively overstepped a boundary OP. I'd be really upset if someone broke my trust and used a personally hygiene item without my permission. If I were your daughter I would've been very upset and anger and sadness can often manifest in foul language. Hope you apologise to her.

grannyinapram · 31/01/2021 23:56

I mean fair enough if she was 14 and you clogged up her only razor or something but 17? I'd moved out by her age and if I spoke to my mom like that she'd have slapped me! not cried! give her what for cheeky mare

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