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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - not to know how to deal with this

91 replies

Funkyslippers · 31/01/2021 19:24

I used DD's razor for my legs earlier, I couldn't find a spare one so used hers and forgot to put it back where it was. BTW I'm not a hairy person by any means so there was hardly anything to shave!

Anyway she comes thundering into the kitchen a while later demanding to know if I'd used it. I said yes and apologised straight away. She then shouted at me really aggressively and called me stupid. OH asked what she was shouting about and I heard her tell him what had happened and she shouted "God, she's so thick!"

I was so taken aback I just went up to our bedroom and had a cry. I couldn't believe a child of mine could speak to me like that. She's quite fiery at times but we have a great relationship most of the time. She often asks for favours etc and I've been wondering why I've been helping her out when she speaks to me like that. I have been crying on and off since. I feel pathetic. OH said he thought she had over reacted but she was a typical teenager. I said there is no excuse for speaking like that, no matter what the situation. Should I just take some time to let it pass or tell her it's unacceptable, even though I was in the wrong to start with? I'm so upset I can't think straight at the moment

OP posts:
DinnaeFashSassenach · 31/01/2021 19:56

@Aquamarine1029

You would be mad to allow her to get away with such horrible, disrespectful behaviour. The consequences for this need to come swiftly.
This with bells on.
UrAWizHarry · 31/01/2021 19:58

You used someone else's razer without their permission?

That's completely out of line. Yes, she may have overreacted a bit but you need to have some more respect for her.

Hankunamatata · 31/01/2021 20:00

Its grim to use someone else's razor. Id be annoyed

CurlyhairedAssassin · 31/01/2021 20:00

Ah, the hormones of the perimenopausal (I assume?) mum combined with the hormones of the teenage daughter = a deadly combination! Grin

You refer to not being able to find “a spare one” but that DD has her own. why don’t you have your own? Or why were there no “spare ones”?

I wouldn’t have liked my mum using mine as a a teenager. Legs are one thing but arm hair and pubes are quite another. No-one wants their mother’s pubes stuck to their razor. 🤢. So you were wrong to use it without asking her first. Certainly you should have approached her afterwards, “DD just to warn you, there were no razors so I borrowed yours. I realise I should have asked you first but I didn’t think. Do you want me to give it a good clean/buy you another or what?”

That way, you are showing that you respect her property and are trying to make amends. It’s not good that you just didn’t say anything. Imagine you were young and sharing a student house or flat share and your razor had been used by someone else it no-one had said anything to you.

She was also wrong for shouting like that but clearly she was angry, and while it was a TEENY bit over the top in terms of the perceived misdemeanour (she is a teenager and they do tend to be OTT at times), I think you should act like a grown up in a flatshare and try and sort it out rather than crumpling and crying in your room like an equally emotional teenager.

Come on, OP, chin up, sort it out. Apologise and explain and hopefully she will too. You will both laugh about this in a few years. “Remember the time when....?”

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 31/01/2021 20:01

Once you and her have calmed down,have a chat with her. See she'll tell you why she was so mad, it wouldn't excuse things but it might help you understand that she's wasn't unnecessarily vicious to you for no reason, which I think it's why you're so upset. Then let her know, it's not acceptable, she can't react like that and say whatever she wants whenever she's mad and give her a consequence.

Certain scenarios around shared razors ,even if inaccurate, can make teens react badly from embarrassment,shame ,the gross factor or a combination of both.

NotFabulousDarling · 31/01/2021 20:01

At 17 she needs to learn to speak to you more respectfully. She will be an adult very soon, and in the world of work, or at school, or at university (or heaven forbid, in a relationship) this is unacceptable behaviour. If she's doing it in one area of life it can easily bleed out into others.
The reason why she was talking to you like that is not a very good one. Personally, I'd be setting her an essay on how to speak to people when she is unhappy about something in the house.
Additionally, if you paid for the razor, I'd suggest she buys her own from now on. Not because you paid for it therefore had a right to take it, but because she was so nasty when you borrowed it instead of just asking for you to return/clean it.

AramintaLee · 31/01/2021 20:03

Shouting at you was out of order, but you really shouldn't have used her razor without asking... and you probably know if you'd asked she would have said no. The only reason she caught you out is because you didn't put it back in it's usual place so you were hoping to be sneaky which isn't nice.

So you were both unfair

CurlyhairedAssassin · 31/01/2021 20:03

Oh and if you find you are getting too emotional and don’t know how to start the conversation ask OH to be mediator and explain to DD that you’re really upset but would like to sort it out.

UrAWizHarry · 31/01/2021 20:04

"Set her an essay"

GrinGrinGrin

AnnaSW1 · 31/01/2021 20:05

She's a teenager and you used her razor. I'd have been mad about that at that age. Your reaction seems extreme

Couchbettato · 31/01/2021 20:07

I have to use a new head per body part because otherwise the blade gets blunt and I end up with ingrown hairs every where.

So yes, Id be furious if someone had used my razor.

But I do think I'd take the emotion out of it and just tell dd that she needs to reassess how she speaks to you, or you'll not feel inclined to do anything for her.

NeilBuchananisBanksy · 31/01/2021 20:11

Is it just me, but I dont think sharing a razor is that bad?! BlushGrin

TheFairyCaravan · 31/01/2021 20:16

I hate all this “she’s a teenager, it’s normal...” bollocks. It absolutely is not. Our two are grown up now however there is absolutely no way they’d have spoken to either of us like that.

You’re not overreacting. I’d be really upset and hurt. Yes, you shouldn’t have used her razor, but she needs to know that she must never speak to you in that way.

Tweaker · 31/01/2021 20:18

@NeilBuchananisBanksy finally someone else saying what I was thinking! I'll use any old thing Grinclearly a filthy slattern. This happens to me a lot on mumsnet now I come to think about it!

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 31/01/2021 20:19

You shouldn't have used her razor, I personally find that really grim and very unhygienic. She also only found out because you didn't put it back so I'd be thinking what else have you been doing with my stuff etc

However, she shouldn't have reacted and spoken to you like that. Totally out of order.

Dita73 · 31/01/2021 20:22

YANBU! I’d be bloody furious! I bet you paid for the razor anyway. I’d definitely give her a bollocking. No way would she speak to me like that

Lemmeout · 31/01/2021 20:23

YANBU, she was rude and disrespectful.

Lemmeout · 31/01/2021 20:25

Her razor ! Big deal, being disrespectful is not ok, particularly given op says they usually get on great. I really hope she knows how much of upset you.
I must be manky. Unless you shaved your fanny I can’t see what I giant problem is.

Pinkfreesias · 31/01/2021 20:29

You didn't bring her up like that so I'm not surprised you're shocked and upset. She should never, ever speak to you like that. Have you considered some sort of punishment?

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 31/01/2021 20:29

@Lemmeout

Her razor ! Big deal, being disrespectful is not ok, particularly given op says they usually get on great. I really hope she knows how much of upset you. I must be manky. Unless you shaved your fanny I can’t see what I giant problem is.
Well OP know it wasn't her fanny, but does her DD know?

That would be one of the scenarios where the anger (not her behaviour while angry though) would be justifiable.

tigerlily20 · 31/01/2021 20:30

Fuck dat my mother would have slapped my teeth out if I'd have called her stupid... I would never do it anyway. She's 17 too, bit old for Kevin+Perry behaviour. It's only a razor she can get a new one/change blade, her reaction was OTT and I'd be having a real strong word and would expect DH to back me.

diddl · 31/01/2021 20:31

I'm also bemused that it's such a big deal as a one off.

Why not ask you not to do it again or she you have that one & get's a new one?

"God she's so thick"-I'd be thoroughly ashamed of my daughter if she ever said that about anyone.

What on earth did our husband say to her when she said that?

Alonelonelyloner · 31/01/2021 20:52

@NeilBuchananisBanksy and @Tweaker thank goodness it's not just me!!

I couldn't give a rat's Arse who uses my razor or, if necessary, I'd borrow one off anyone who'd let me use theirs.
We're obviously gross! Wink

Creamcrackersandricecakes · 31/01/2021 20:58

I'm another one who isn't remotely bothered about sharing razors, (within immediate family). I would also have been incredibly upset if my DD had been so bloody rude, not too mention calling you 'thick' to your OH. My DH would wipe the floor with our DD if she dared speak about me like that. Cheeky cow!

thecatfromjapan · 31/01/2021 21:04

Lockdown fever + hormones = unusual, unreasonable behaviour.

Talk to her when you're all calmer and tell her you are a person and felt belittled and hurt.

Ask her how she'd feel if you reacted like that. Ask her how she'd feel. Ask her what she thinks she should do.

Also, ask her if she's OK and how she's feeling generally.