Mil never compliments the dc or us and seems uptight when others do?

[Mudmudingloriousmud]

I've noticed this and find it odd. We all have a strained relationship and I must admit covid has been wonderful from this aspect in that we don't have to make excuses not to see them.

I've never heard Mil say a kind thing to dh, lots of picking critism but when her own mum eg dh granny says nice things she sort of snaps.. 'it's because he's mine...' '

Again when granny says nice things about our house, Mil will cut in with something negative... Shes never said' 'oh I like this or that' ', nothing and yet lots of people around her have eg her sister.. Or guests at parties... Whatever anyone says she ll come in on the negative tone...

But when it comes to the dc it's bizarre, one has done so well at school, she will just say how well her side do.. Eg niece x...

Once dd won a competition and Mil didn't come.. Saying she was too busy (doesn't work).. We had a small but lovely event and fil came but Mil didn't.

She also seems actually bad tempered or upset when people say nice things to dh or I or the dc!! It's like it personally winds her up?

Being part of her wouldn't she feel proud of her dh? Or her gc?
Dh, I'm biased is very attractive! She's never said a nice thing when others have joked wow etc instead she will fuss over his clothes.. And say '' well he would look better if he didn't have fluff All over his jacket.. '' stuff like that?

I don't understand it.
I can't Imagine feeling this way about my own dc? I mean who knows maybe we won't get on when they are adults but I wouldn't expect to be in their lives and treat them like Mil does.

She is totally different with sil and fil and Mil are always talking about her achievements (no dc sofar more money and freedom) than us.
Once she spoke to me in a really strange sorrowful voice about this incredible cooker that sil has, one pot thing that does everything and costs a grand! It's not of any interest to me, Mil nealry cried when she said THEY can afford such things??

I think OP with lockdown and seeing how much easier it is when they are not around, you can use it as an opportunity going forward to make sure you limit the time you spend with them. You don't say how often you usually see them, but make it less. Be less available. Don't visit for as long.

This is the best way to deal with it.

I don't think my comment was particularly aggressive 🤷🏻‍♀️ An observation more than anything. It's very, very easy to get sucked into the in-laws' drama (I did it for years) and very, very liberating when you make the conscious decision to step away from it. Mentally if not completely. It's difficult of course and based on your posting on this thread I suspect you're not quite there yet. Just be aware that in some ways, dwelling on it is feeding it, IYSWIM.

It's your thread though, obviously you post what you want!

(I have no "game" btw, none whatsoever!)

OP,

I think from your posts and the fact that you have had a break from their awfulness and their vaguely superior manner to you, you are stepping back a little and will hopefully be less tolerant.

They are used to not seeing you much, that at least is one new routine that you can maintain.

Also if your husband wants to see them,send him off on his own.

She's an unhappy jealous person. My DM was very similar. Put downs only , never any nice comments. When you're unhappy you lash out & putting everyone down makes you feel better about yourself, for a while: but it's only fleeting as it's not sorting the real issue underlying it. Happy people find it easy to be kind & nice. Is she lonely? Wgat dies she have in her life that she enjoys?My DM resented being a mother. She wanted to be a social butterfly & have no responsibility. In reality she avoided lots of chances to be social after marriage,, byeing too nervous to take the first steps.

@Cornetttttto
*
Does she pay rent to live in your head? You need to master the art of speaking internally while smiling blandly.*
This is the best piece of advise that s even i need to follow

@Mudmudingloriousmud my DMIL is similar to this. At my house in a party someone asked about some snacks I had made,. She stood there telling the entire recipe as if she made it herself not once mentioning me. N same with house decoration etc. I think its down to the point that people used to appreciate her for her house, kids, food etc. and now they appreciate me which she feels a little bad about. She has never complimented me on anything i have cooked even when every one else around does that.. But hey ho she's great every other way but needs to be right n appreciated. So I ignore what i can n just not n smile. Try not to think too much and look at the bigger picture, everyone else appreciates your DC , house, for etc. That's what matters.

Billy, Yes absolutely - its been a joy for us - to have this break and pressure off. CS I agree and we must not let her drag us all down.

ShopoholicIn

I think you have hit the nail on the head there on WHY she does it, Mil is a Sahm ( I was too for a while ) but I agree I think her sole reason is to cook and stuff and like you said thats her areas for praise.....

She thrusts cakes on us for DC, no problem - I would have rather she asked but anyway the dc get 2 fine...but .when we showed her a pic of a cake we made....with lots of marzipan models etc ( peter rabbits garden) she literally sat scrutinizing it- did a deep disappointing sigh then said nothing !!

These things, quirks - intrigue me about human characters and I find - I always feel better when I can understand them more....