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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off over his comment?

70 replies

WonderingIf38 · 30/01/2021 18:43

My bf and I were talking and I told him we should like each other for who we are. He has made a jokey little comment or two about my weight before. I've let it go each time as he has a way of putting his foot in it and not meaning it.

Anyway, during today's conversation, he said if I lost weight, sex might be easier, that his dick would go in. It goes in fine mostly, there are one or two positions that are tricky, but I'm flexible and we have an active sex life but he often has issues getting an erection, yet sometimes he can get one absolutely fine. I was upset by his comment and retorted that the problem is that his dick doesn't get hard. He's really pissed me off. He should like me for who I am, weight and all. I'm overweight because of mental health issues and endometriosis. I've never mentioned his erection problems in a negative way before and always been very supportive and nice when the erection hasn't happened.

OP posts:

Ohalrightthen · 30/01/2021 18:45

Tell him to fuck off and find someone who isn't such a bastard.

Original poster

WonderingIf38 · 30/01/2021 18:49

@Ohalrightthen He does have a way of saying things that he doesn't mean but I think he must mean this to say it.

OP posts:

newnameforthiscomment · 30/01/2021 18:50

Of course he means it. It doesn't mean that you have to put up with it.

If my DP told me he couldn't get hard because I was too fat, I wouldn't be able to have sex with him again.

Cleverpolly3 · 30/01/2021 18:51

I’d like to think I can add something to the conversation here but @Ohalrightthen has beaten me to it

Ithinkhedidit · 30/01/2021 18:51

Wooooow, so you should lose weight purely to make it easier for him to get his dick wet? Nice. Btw, if he is repeatedly mentioning it - even as a "joke" - he means it. You can do better.

ShalomToYouJackie · 30/01/2021 18:52

What an arsehole. That's really unkind. I'd be tempted to reply that if his dick worked then it would go in.

When I was overweight I still managed to have sex, you are not the problem.

Why are you with someone who is unkind to you?

VettiyaIruken · 30/01/2021 18:54

Don't fool yourself.
He means what he says.

People hide behind that bollocks far too much.

Original poster

WonderingIf38 · 30/01/2021 18:54

He didn't blame my weight on his erection problems. He just said if I lost weight it would be easier for him to get it in in certain positions. We do most positions just fine.

OP posts:

Takingontheflab · 30/01/2021 18:55

I think he was trying to shift blame on you. Deflect from his erection issues.

He cannot be vile to you, then get mad when you return the favour! Atleast your comment was factual. You need a new bloke. Seriously

AStudyinPink · 30/01/2021 18:55

he said if I lost weight, sex might be easier, that his dick would go in.

I’m confused about how your weight affects his ability to get his penis inside you? Sounds more like he’s got a soft one to me.

ButtWormHole · 30/01/2021 18:55

LTB

EveryoneRevealsThemselves · 30/01/2021 18:55

What’s the fabulous Maya Angelou quote? When someone tells you who they are, you should listen.

He’s an arsehole. Don’t waste another moment of your precious life with him. Your self esteem will never improve with a bastard like that.

LunaLula83 · 30/01/2021 18:56

Great idea honey and your dick will look bigger!

Yesmate · 30/01/2021 18:59

Sounds like a prick. A horrible, nasty prick. Get out and don’t look back.

OrigamiOwl · 30/01/2021 19:00

If my DP told me he couldn't get hard because I was too fat, I wouldn't be able to have sex with him again
Exactly this!

anotherboyontheway · 30/01/2021 19:04

He's feeling insecure that his cock doesn't work properly so he's trying to project the blame on to you. Don't listen to him honey, sounds like an arsehole!! X

NurseButtercup · 30/01/2021 19:04

Tell him to fuck off and find someone who isn't such a bastard.

Follow this advice immediately.

Ohalrightthen · 30/01/2021 19:05

[quote WonderingIf38]@Ohalrightthen He does have a way of saying things that he doesn't mean but I think he must mean this to say it.[/quote]
I call bullshit on "saying things he doesn't mean".

I think you'll find, he says shitty hurtful things on purpose, and then denies that he meant to be shitty and hurtful, and makes a big song and dance about how he can't help it, he says things he doesn't mean, that's just how he is, etc etc etc, and all of a sudden you're not allowed to be hurt by the shitty hurtful thing he's said.

B33Fr33 · 30/01/2021 19:07

Yep. I think @Ohalrightthen sums it up.

Thingsdogetbetter · 30/01/2021 19:12

So he's not concerned about your weigh for your health or your happiness and well being, it's purely so he can get into some different positions in bed? That's why he makes digs (they're not jokes) because he can't have sex in a couple of positions? Fucken hell! Is that what's most important to him?

JustAnotherOldMan · 30/01/2021 19:18

Dump him, l used to date a larger lady and the sex was excellent! But she turned out to be a pretty horrible person so got dumped

CharlotteRose90 · 30/01/2021 19:22

Yeah your relationship isn’t working and is working. He’s made it quite clear that he finds you unattractive with you being overweight. Also it could be why he’s having erection problems I’m sorry to say if he no longer finds you attractive. It’s awful but you need to leave.

CharlotteRose90 · 30/01/2021 19:23

@CharlotteRose90

I meant to say isn’t working only oops

Fortheloveofgodwhy · 30/01/2021 19:23

Just tell him you are off to find someone with a bigger dick....

ParlezVousWronglais · 30/01/2021 19:26

Gawd. If you’re having these issues with him at this stage imagine how much worse it can get over the long haul. Just move on.

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