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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off over his comment?

70 replies

WonderingIf38 · 30/01/2021 18:43

My bf and I were talking and I told him we should like each other for who we are. He has made a jokey little comment or two about my weight before. I've let it go each time as he has a way of putting his foot in it and not meaning it.

Anyway, during today's conversation, he said if I lost weight, sex might be easier, that his dick would go in. It goes in fine mostly, there are one or two positions that are tricky, but I'm flexible and we have an active sex life but he often has issues getting an erection, yet sometimes he can get one absolutely fine. I was upset by his comment and retorted that the problem is that his dick doesn't get hard. He's really pissed me off. He should like me for who I am, weight and all. I'm overweight because of mental health issues and endometriosis. I've never mentioned his erection problems in a negative way before and always been very supportive and nice when the erection hasn't happened.

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 30/01/2021 19:28

@Ohalrightthen

Tell him to fuck off and find someone who isn't such a bastard.
This.
AlwaysCheddar · 30/01/2021 19:29

Wow! Leave him. He’s putting his issues into you.

IJustWantSomeBees · 30/01/2021 19:36

He sounds gross. And he 100% knows what he's doing when he shames you for your weight. Don't believe the lie that men are just inept at behaving politely and respectfully, they always know what they're doing when they're being rude.

HopingForOurRainbowBaby · 30/01/2021 19:38

Tell him if he had a bigger dick it might go in better

EveryoneRevealsThemselves · 30/01/2021 19:40

Oh and if you dump him, you’ll instantly lose 13 stone!!

Theunamedcat · 30/01/2021 19:43

Tell him your glad he agrees your incompatible no need to let the door hit him in the arse on the way out

FlatteredRhubardFool · 30/01/2021 19:45

Well, he sounds delightful. I agree that you'd be better off without him. What is causing his erectile dysfunction? How does endometriosis affect weight? I've never heard of that before and as a fellow sufferer I'm interested in how it's related.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 30/01/2021 19:52

Impact > intent. Doesn't matter if he says he didn't mean for it be upsetting or whatever, the reality is that it upset you. Now, he can either be genuinely apologetic and never say anything of the sort ever again (unlikely) or you can decide if you are willing to put up with a life of shitty comments and fake apologies.

Thedarknightsarelifting · 30/01/2021 20:00

I am a size 18, DH has no issue entering me in any position. Your BF is being cruel to deflect from his own issues. I wouldn’t want to have sex with someone like that.

EveningOverRooftops · 30/01/2021 20:20

I am wondering if these positions he would like you to get into are the usual ones or if he’s after something specific.

Because erection issues can be down to all sorts of things but usually weight (his), health or more often than not imo especially for those in their 20s/30s is porn, specifically getting off to certain stuff and not being able to recreate that means they can’t get it up or get off.

Personally I’d leave the bastard after any comment like that. Endo is already a fucker to deal with so having that fucker and a man baby of a fucker is unnecessary torture for you OP. You can do better.

Hankunamatata · 30/01/2021 20:25

I would be incredibly hurt and not be having sex with him again. He thinks your fat and wants you to loose weight

Original poster
WonderingIf38 · 30/01/2021 20:28

Thanks for your replies. I've talked to him and he insisted it came out wrong and was full of apologies. I don't buy them though. He's no oil painting at all and carries a few extra stone. He genuinely doesn't think before he engages his mouth a lot of the time but I'm tired of it.

OP posts:
partyatthepalace · 30/01/2021 20:32

Get rid. He's transferring his embarrassment by trying to shame you.

Nasty piece of work.

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 30/01/2021 20:34

Hi OP

Does he insult people left right and centre? The cashier at the supermarket, his boss, his colleagues, his friends, or is it just you?

Lots of people make little dogs for things that they mean to test the waters, so that if their target takes offence they can play the 'I was only joking / I didnt mean it's card.

I dont know many women who put on weight in the vaginal area, or who are so big that they can't open their legs enough so that there is room for him to get close enough. Are there actually many positions that it is physically impossible (not because he can't stay hard, but because it would be physically impossible for him or anyone) to actually have sex? If so then maybe he wanted to discuss it but didnt know how. But if not then maybe it's just him being a twat

MindfulBitch · 30/01/2021 20:41

Maybe if his dick was bigger? Just saying

lioncitygirl · 30/01/2021 20:43

So he’s called you fat ‘in a jokey way?’ This will escalate and get worsen- why do you want to be with someone so mean? Surely you’re worth more.

Joinedjustforthispost · 30/01/2021 20:53

Tell micro-penis if his penis were a few inches longer than maybe you could feel him !

IAmFleshIAmBone · 30/01/2021 20:56

A guy once told me that he couldn't get his penis in because my arse was too big. Nothing to do with the fact that his penis was about an inch long when hard.

He's negging you, you deserve better.

SirGawain · 30/01/2021 20:58

Tell him that if his penis were not small it wouldn’t be a problem.

Cleverpolly3 · 30/01/2021 21:03

@AlwaysCheddar

Wow! Leave him. He’s putting his issues into you.
Was that a Freudian slip given his penile issues? Grin
SnoozyLou · 30/01/2021 21:04

"Honey, you need a penis enlargement. Trust me, if your dick was long enough, it would go in."

Cheeky bastard.

Cleverpolly3 · 30/01/2021 21:08

@WonderingIf38

Thanks for your replies. I've talked to him and he insisted it came out wrong and was full of apologies. I don't buy them though. He's no oil painting at all and carries a few extra stone. He genuinely doesn't think before he engages his mouth a lot of the time but I'm tired of it.
So he’s not exactly buff then? So why are you the one who’s being body shamed because you can’t contort your lady parts to accommodate his erectile dysfunction.

He’s got more issues than vogue and is gaslighting you in order to divert from them

Nobody is perfect but to demean you or impliedly encourage self doubt then try to pass it off as coming out wrong is not on and emotionally abusive

DontBeShelfish · 30/01/2021 21:10

He sounds awful. Don't let him convince you that this is on you - it's him.

BraveGoldie · 30/01/2021 23:00

OP, sorry but how overweight are you? Some positions are literally more difficult to do if you are significantly overweight. It sounds from what you say ( that you can do MOST positions fine but there are one or two positions that are tricky) that what he says may be literally true? If so, what exactly did he do wrong by saying it? I would see the problem if he said it cruelly, wanting to hurt you, but sounds like you were trying to have a conversation about the realities of your sex life ...,. And you responded by striking out at him?

Sounds at least as if you gave as good as you got.... and he's the only one you have mentioned has apologized.....so why is he such a bad guy?

letsdolunch321 · 30/01/2021 23:21

@WonderingIf38 You mentioned being tried of his nasty comments.

You obviously know deep down what you need to do..... Walk away with your head held high.